Tuesday, November 4, 2008

a morning.

a morning of changes in thought and in hopes for the future.

no...i'm not talking about the election. although i should say...get out and VOTE!

yesterday afternoon, i arrived at daycare and was immediately notified by the children's chorus of voices indicating that coconut had just puked 15 minutes prior. (further evidenced by the fact that coconut was sitting alone on a couch, while all the other children were on a different couch.)

automatic 24 hours at home.

my husband was out of town and isn't expected back until this evening. so...it was immediately up to me to take the day off to keep her home. belly also gets to stay home, by default. what am i saying? he is so often out of town...that this task of sick children often falls on me. on the same token...i don't complain. when babies need their mamas...i wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

i had a pretty important meeting that i needed to attend this morning, so my dad offered to come and watch the girly-girls for an hour or so until i got back home.

i awoke this morning at my regular time, and was able to work-out...get the coffee started...get showered and dressed...all while i allowed the girly-girls to sleep.

and the most amazing thing??

i felt relaxed and calm. when the girls awoke (naturally!) i was able to hug and cuddle each one for a few minutes...alone. it was after those cuddles that i called my husband and said...

"at this exact moment in time...i would give anything to stay at home with them."

i'm not sure i've ever said that before.

i would give up internet. i would give up cable tv. i would give up target shopping trips. i would make healthy dinners. i would limit my driving. i would not spend money on unnecessary things. i would try to find things at garage sales and free, if they were deemed necessary. i would clip coupons. i would skimp and save.

if i could have the feeling that was associated with this morning, again.

i know it wouldn't be easy.

but i also know that i could go back to work...someday. i love what i do. but i'm so sick of feeling constant rush. i'm sick of feeling like i'm not giving my all...to anything. i don't want to be upset with my kids just because i'm tired and frustrated and am bringing home...work.

we talked about it. we'll need to talk about it quite a bit more. we'll need to make some decisions.

but for right now...i have the feeling that maybe this morning was indication of changes and hopes that will affect who i am. we'll see.

what changes and sacrifices have you made to be a stay at home mama? any suggestions or ideas are highly encouraged. thanks for sharing.


Casey said...

We've had a lot of changes since I stopped working (when Elliot was born). The biggest thing I miss is adult interaction, which is why I started blogging in the first place. I hope Coconut feels better soon and you can find a happy medium that will let you spend more time with them!

Laufa said...

My hubby made changes when I was a SAHM - that was quite a while ago. He took a job that he hates to this day. He gets paid $28 an hour, so that is the win. The loss is his complaining, depression, and sadness to go to that job everyday. My change was that I stayed at home and took charge of everything from there and did not get to go anywhere (no restaurants, movies, shopping sprees). Money was tight! Good luck with whatever you decide.

steenky bee said...

Wow. I say go for it. I wish you peace in whatever you choose. Just don't look back. There's no price on childhood, sister.

I think I'm a much better person when I'm working. I'm in the office three days a week and home the others with my children. I've given up promotions, accolades, money and luxuries to be with my children. All of it worth it and more.

Connie said...

I am very lucky that my husband has a great job. However, we had to leave Colorado and come to a state we don't like for this job. If we still lived in CO, I would not be able to stay at home. My husband bears all of the sacrifice.

We also don't take vacations We do travel to visit family but we are not cruise, mexico, hawaii people.

But if I had to...i would give up everything and live in a trailer in order to be home with my kids. This is where I belong.

Cristina Mathers said...

being a stay at home mom is wonderful, although i don't stay home and hate the assumption that i "don't work". it's a hard transition at first, but i wouldn't change it for the world! hope it all works out for you!