Tuesday, March 31, 2009

random thoughts.

i have a dried snot wipe across the sleeve of my shirt. pretty sure it's not mine. but i can't quite figure out the who and when ... though. hopefully it happened AFTER i got back from the store. 'cause it's in a place where it really looks like it could have been mine. i swear ... it's not.

we were at a gigantisaurus pet store to get some cat food ... (the key is to actually stay on the ball and get the food BEFORE they run out ... because if you fail to do that ... they ALWAYS run out in the middle of the night and make sure you know all about the starvation that they are being forced to succumb to) ... so yeah ... petstore ... two (extremely) crabby kids in tow ... i literally had to beg (for the shoes and coats to go on) and threaten (taking away stuff if it didn't happen rather quickly) and convince (them that i could not leave them home alone ... and no ... i can't call your auntie to come and watch you). and ... (back to the original story) ... there was a puppy class going on. i found myself telling cora to "sit" over and over and over again.
i should have borrowed a damn clicker.

there was a chocolate lab puppy in the class. collective "awwww". i so wish we would have seen our dog as a pup.

i'm so glad we never owned our dog when she was a pup.

march ... hell, almost april ... is kicking my butt. i want to be thankful for the upcoming spring ... but today ... on my way to work ... i managed to drive through sunny skies, rain, hail AND snow. please note ... i live approximately 7 minutes away from where i work.

and that weather i just noted? managed to send my dad into a full out highway spin resulting in a rolled-over truck (his) and numerous other cars in ditches (not his) ... and his biggest complaint besides the sore muscles was that ... all of his quarters that he's been saving to use in the meters to go kayaking went EVERYWHERE. in the mud and muck. i just happened to mention to him that it might be important to be a wee bit thankful FOR LIFE at this point. (i know i am incredibly thankful that he is JUST sore.)

and the fargo flooding? holy. that is sure stirring up memories that have been suppressed for some time. we lived in grand forks, north dakota 12 years ago. floods of 1997. threw so many sandbags that spring. felt absolutely shitty that it probably didn't matter as i sat and watched the news from my mom's living room. i remember the helicopters the most. especially the one that came around in the middle of the night (after sandbagging and helping friends move things from the basement apartments) ... waking us up and telling us that we were being evacuated. sending hope to the residents that are being affected there ...

i also remember them closing the bars and the liquor stores.

i bet i wouldn't even notice if the bars or liquor stores were closed anymore. unless of course my wine supply diminished. but that could take weeks, seriously ... maybe months.

congratulations to my good friends p and r on the new baby max ... (love his mohawk!)

my eye is mysteriously pink. and reddish. and watering. but my school nurse told me that it's not pinkeye if there isn't the goopy gunk. do you think that is the medical term for that crap that crusts over the eyes of a person infected with pinkeye? goopy gunk?

i hate wearing glasses. not because i hate my glasses ... no ... actually i love that i picked out a magenta colored pair of fun glasses. i dispise the fact that all of the children on the autism spectrum that i work with ... CAN. NOT. GET. OVER. THE. FACT. THAT. I'M. WEARING. GLASSES. drives them bonkers and we don't get anything done.

had a meeting this week with a parent. let's just say ... apple. and ... tree.

i think it's time to be done now ... my brain is all clear.


until next week ... visit keely at the unmom for more random tuesday thoughts ... (and seriously ... if i could just get the button to link y'all there ... i wouldn't have to do quite as much linking ... but i am not so saavy in the technical department).

Saturday, March 28, 2009


note ... i pre-dated this post ... 'cause i'm classy like that.
today. (wink wink)

you turned five.

mama was worried and fretted a bit about five. it seemed so big. too big. older. too old.

but you slid so seamlessly into it.

you woke me up this morning ... jumped on top of me and announced, "guess what mama! i'm five now!" and we snuck out of bed, leaving daddy and cora to sleep some more. we cuddled on the couch and talked about five. and getting big. and what mommy was doing five years ago. at that very moment.

and we watched handy manny.

and i realized that what felt like this reallyreally big day was kinda just like any other day.

and so did you. because you told me that you didn't really feel any bigger than yesterday.

and all of that is just fine by me ... because it made it oh-so-much-easier than i thought it was gonna be.

and because i started all of this a year ago for my girly-girls ... here are five reasons why i love you on your fifth birthday.

by the way ... i could come up with a thousand ...

1. your thinking.
you think about everything. everything is worth pondering ... even when it drives us a wee bit crazy. you contemplate life and feelings. you contemplate actions and ideas. sometimes, it may hinder you. sometimes that thinking stops you from just doing. and i hope that someday we can find that balance for you.

2. your humor and laughter.
i find you to be absolutely hilarious lately. you are my own personal comic relief in my day. you have the goofiest mannerisms and actions that you do when being silly. a thumbs-up with a cheesy smile. you have such a variety of giggles and laughs. but my most absolute favoritist is your deep belly laugh when you find something to be overwhelmingly funny. you have a fake laugh and silly giggle ... but it's the deep laugh that gets me every time. i remember first hearing it when you were a baby. and it doesn't emerge too often often enough.

3. your kindness.
you are always thinking of others. you want to make sure that others are happy and cared for. you have concern for people and animals and things in the world. it's what i have always hoped for in my children and that makes a mama proud.

4. your girlishness.
you are the epitome of pink. you love all things girly. and i love it ... because i never did. until you came along. if it's pink and frilly and twirls ... it reminds everyone of you. add sparkly and it becomes you.

5. your confidence.
i hope you don't ever let your thinking or your silliness or your girly attitude get in the way of your confidence. i want you to ooze confidence. but i worry that you don't believe in yourself as much as i hope you do. it's silly that at the age of five ... i can already see worry and frustration creeping into your being. but i do ... and mama bear wants to extinguish that. i want you to know that you are a beautiful person. you have the kindest heart and i want you to know that i am most proud to be your mommy.

i love you. as big as the universe. happy fifth birthday baby.
i hope all of your wishes and dreams come true.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

so you wondered ... (or maybe you didn't) ...

what my husband told stella when she asked the question ...

what is a cigarette daddy?

his response?

it's a kind of plant (kinda like lettuce) that people roll up into paper and light on fire to smoke.

can you imagine the visual in her head?

i'm thinking that pointing out the window at the fully-leathered up guy on the motorcycle with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and just saying ... that's a cigarette ... would have been better.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

random notes to the universe ...

to whom it may concern,
THANK YOU for taking the initiative to make sure that dollar bills and money are completely washable.
love ...
the woman that is pretty positive that the universe is telling her to go and spend $15.05 on something entirely for herself
to whom it may concern,
THANK YOU for allowing your child to provide germs for the rest of the world's children so that my girly-girls can acquire a little stomach bug that makes you feel completely awesome except for the fact that they have the runs.
love ...
the woman that will no longer take her children to play at indoor play gyms (this is entirely the reason why i feel that taking my children to run in a run-down strip mall is totally ok)
to whom it may concern,
THANK YOU for jumpstarting my brain into thinking about a blog post re-enacting if you give a mouse a muffin when i told you of my husband's role in redoing stella's bedroom.
love ...
the woman that is now picking out oh-so-much-more than just a paint color and a new bedspread
to my husband,
THANK YOU for giving me another blog post when stella asked what a cigarette is.
oh yeah ... and THANK YOU for redoing stella's bedroom. it's gonna be spectacular.
love ...
the woman that sleeps next to you (most nights)
to my friend,
THANK YOU for calling me to catch up and planning a night out on wednesday. i'm SO gonna need it.
love ...
the woman that never calls often enough and really needs a glass of wine
to my dad,
THANK YOU for helping out with the playroom downstairs. and for totally not chiming in when i found a color that i want it painted. even when my husband disagrees.
love ...
the woman that you once held in your arms as a baby
to the internets,
THANK YOU for still coming to visit even though i haven't been around much at all lately. by the way ... what do you get when you add up a mama on spring break with a husband on vacation plus an ENTIRE bedroom to redo plus two beautiful girly girls plus wanting to enjoy every minute? the answer? minimal blogging time. i'll be back with stories and pictures. promise. and i will totally be here before stella's birthday for her birthday post.
love ...
the woman that can't seem to get it all done
to stella,
seriously? FIVE?
love ...
the woman that held you in her arms as a baby almost five years ago, but it truly felt like yesterday.

for more random tuesday thoughts ... visit keely over at the unmom.

Friday, March 20, 2009

spinning a tale ...

spin cycle ... (spriteskeeper)
assignment ... (creative writing)
see more ... (possibly better)

angst. i have had angst over this spin cycle assignment ...
i'm not really much of a creative writer. i write what is in my head and how it sounds in my head is how it comes out on the keyboard.
i was anxious about trying to come up with something this week ...

and then i had a total fear of writing something absolutely fabulous and having someone come and steal it (because internets ... hell-oo?) and the ensuing legal issues that would arise from trying to get the rights back to my creative writing piece that ultimately i was never gonna be really good at writing anyways.

so i sat my ass down and had a glass of wine instead.

and realized that it would come when it was darn well ready.
damn fate.

and if it didn't?
well ... my husband's advice would have probably been ... your hobby of blogging shouldn't be stressful, it's a stupid way to spend your time. ok ... well ... finethen.

but it did (eventually).

and here it is ... a glimpse into a "creative writing" activity that i do with my students ...

i have an old copy of never ending stories by discovery toys ... which is basically a collection of pictures that you can use to tell a story by connecting the cards ... (truly there is much more to the game ... but please note ... I'M WORKING WITH STUDENTS WITH LANGUAGE DISORDERS ... rules don't apply ... you make it up as you go and do the best you can to accomplish the goals with what you have ... )

so i decided that my friend M and i would tell you a story ... going back and forth ... using the picture cards to prompt us with what would happen next ...
this is what we came up with ... (just in case you are wondering ... i'm in bold ... she's in italics. i'm pretty sure that will become clearer very VERY soon.)

once upon a time, a princess received a letter from far across the kingdom.
the tree grew.
the princess walked through the forest until she came across a shop selling fruits.
she got herself a crown.
when she left the store, she found a map laying upon the road.
a rat tried to bite him.
the princess had to walk through the mountains to find the prince locked away in a dungeon.
and he showed her how to get to the fire.
after building a fire, she was able to see more clearly and stumbled upon a treasure chest full of jewels.
she found her husband camping somewhere and he was camping and she found him.
her husband had found a mysterious key.
this key found the water to get her in it the fish was trying to bite her.
the princess and her husband swam to an island in the middle of the ocean.
the island found a princess book to get to the princess the island and we just started this book and we have 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-10-i mean-8-9-10-11-lots.
after reading the book, the princess and her husband placed a message into a bottle and put it in the water.
this picture that the message sent her to give her the message and or her to sleep or her to get sad or to get maybe mad.
the woman that received the message decided that she needed to climb aboard her bike and travel as fast as she could.
and then the bike she decided to ride her bike to get to the bridge and went over there and went over there and went over there and went over there and went over there to get to the little bitty house over there and this is the good game i ever played.
when the woman arrived at the house, she found so many children playing games.
i gotta book picture again not again i just gonna say the end.

so ... yeah ... language disorder much? can you tell that we are working on FLOW of language? that, up there, would be a total glimpse into the conversations i have DAILY.

in other words ... i'm totally not worried about anyone stealing THAT and trying to pass it off as their own.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

really ... i could've just died.

i have finally become THAT mom.

oh ... you all know the one ... that mom that is carrying her screaming and crying and hitting and kicking child out of a store.

oh yeah ... THAT one. (didn't take much to jog your memory huh?)

ohmy. and it wasn't even the toddler. things would have been so much better if it was just the toddler.

it was my big girl. practically minutes after commenting on someone's blog ... about how this closetofive age is completely and totally wonderful!

"it's like a switch was flipped! they listen! and they respond! all the time! they have a sense of humor! a real live sense of humor! not just making up things and laughing! they tell real jokes and make funnies! and they try really hard for you! and they write and draw by themselves in their rooms! giving mamas a bit of a break! and you can kinda trust them with things! and, did i mention they are wonderful?!"

apparently someone forgot to knock on wood.

or find a four-leaf clover.

or walk around the ladder.

i don't know ... maybe the black cat walked in my path that morning ... i have no idea.

but somethin' ... oh holy hell ... something took an absolute turn for the worst and placed me into the shoes of THAT mom.

it was a leisurely jaunt to the local homegoods store (god ... i love that store! i especially love when i find things with red stickers!!) ... looking for bedding or ideas ... stella wants a rock-flower-fairy-princess room for her birthday! complete with pink walls! (is anyone sick of the exclamation points yet?!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

we found absolutely nothing for the room.

but considering that this one is also coupled with a tjmaxx! (gotcha!!!) mama found an awesome skirt and two tops for spring ... and stella found a little skirt/shirt combo ... ALL WITH RED TAGS. (aka supah cheap).

we got ourselves into the little line.

oh yes ... the line that they have snaked between rows of shelving covered in candy and books and fun-shiny-alluring-gotta-have-it-stuff-for-kids ...

which is totally cool ... 'cause my kids are totally able to handle the need vs. want thing ... right?

cora starts complaining ... whining ... seriously two year molars can just suck ass ... i swear. she wants to be held ... she wants the nuk-nuk that is in the car ... she wants something to eat ... she is loudly exclaiming that she wants to nurse in the middle of the closing-in-on-us line.

then stella starts. fuck fuck fuckity fuck. i totally saw it coming. mama got major claustrophobia. there were 4 people behind us ... in this little aisle of a line ... ok, aisle is an exaggeration ... a snippet would more closely describe the amount of space we were provided with ...

thinking back ... that store has some smarts people! ... women with children and strollers and babies are totally not gonna turn around in that thing ... they are forced to make their purchases. at least that's what i'm gonna claim next time the husband sees a purchase to that store.

... back to the story ... there were 10 people in front of us ... and 4 ... oh no ... 6 people behind us ... and my kids are gradually increasing their wailing, the line is at a freaking standstill ... managers just were called over the intercom and i'm pretty sure that all hell is gonna break loose in ... 3 ...

so i kindly asked the people behind me if they would let me out of the line. i remember the voice of one woman ... with a teenage daughter ... it was so nice in a i've-totally-been-there kind of way ... everybody backed up ... beep beep beep ... allowing us out of the cattle line.

i started hanging my skirt (boo hoo ... i SO wanted that skirt) and my shirts up on the closest rack ... screw putting stuff back where it belonged at that point ...

... 2 ...

i grabbed stella's outfit ... and proceeded to hang. it. on. the. rack ...

and ... 1 ...

my (ever-so-close-to-fiveyearold-amazingly-wonderful) daughter proceeded to turn into a red-eyed-curly-horned demon.

and all i remember was a ton of loud screaming and crying and kicking and hitting and attempts to jump ship and escape back to the store to reclaim her purple skirt/flowery shirt combo ... because ...

and it took fucking everything i had to remain quiet and collected and outwardly composed to get her out to the car. it took fucking every ounce of strength to get her in and buckled and keep cora from losing it too ... because ... if my big sister is crying ... shouldn't i cry too?

i swear i had felt the heat of eyes staring at me ... which made me feel even more vulnerable. these people don't know me. they don't have any idea that this doesn't happen regularly. they don't have any idea that i am a mama that loves her littles in spite of anything ... ANYTHING. do they think that i could possibly say hateful things to my kids or do something like hurt them ... which would cause my daughter to act out like that?

i've come to realize ... that maybe(?) ... a few of them have been there done that ... and that heat that i felt was an overwhelming compassion for me ... THAT mom ...

we had a loooong talk at home ... and in the car ... about want vs. need.
we talked about why that situation and her reaction was unnecessary and wrong.
we talked about what she could have done differently.
i told her how much i love her.
and she told me that she really does love me too. and that she was sorry that she said that she hated me.

and i swear ... i don't ever want to be THAT mom again.

but ... if i ever see HER out there ... i promise to not judge. that heat she feels against her back will be compassion from a mama that has been in those shoes before.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

here we go again with the randomization ...

random thoughts tuesday ... TRY IT!

just in case you ever wanted to know ... here are some of the random thoughts that make their way through my little mind while at work.
and a little bit before ... and maybe a little bit after ...
here goes ...
little miss coconut did NOT help me this morning ... when i had fully planned to get up at 5:30 am ... in order to do a little work out ... yay me! ... instead ... she woke up with me ... and then proceeded to NOT. FALL. BACK. TO. SLEEP. until after the time that i would have been able to squeeze in a work out ... so ... now i have to work my butt off a bit more tonight. ugh.
well ... she fell back to sleep on this stack of pillows ... while i was getting ready. figures.

apparently, i'm boring. (and i have bad taste in sheet sets.)
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! it's misting and rainy outside!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! it's starting to kinda sorta hail!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! it might snow.
i am SO ready for spring.
funny thing?
i wrote all of that up there ... last tuesday ... and never hit publish because the randomization seemed kinda short. not quite there. thought i would add a bit more. ran. out. of. time. (and never got an extra workout in ... what the hell was i thinking with that comment anyways?)
and this is where i insert my hasay post ... even even even ... for way too damn long ... and i'm so putting the blame on the fact that i cannot get out of bed. and when i think i can ... i can't do what i need to do because there are little people that need me. i need to rethink and redo and reevaluate and rework my hasaying. 'cause right now i suck. sorry casey.
but ... even better?
spring is SO on it's way here ... now.
truly evidenced by the boxelder bugs EVERYWHERE. in my house. and cora spies them instantly from across the room, yelling BUD ... BUD ... ai-dere ... (translation ... bug, bug, right there) ... and the fact that ALL DAY on sunday ... my children played in the gutter. letting toys float down the "stream" ... it occupied them ... therefore i was not about to interrupt.
even when random people walking past looked at me like i was from outerspace letting my children play in the filth of a gutter. hey. i'm sure i did it as a child. and i'm ... ok ... i think.
they got a bath after ... no fear, my dear.
oh yeah ... more random? i got rid of the sm311y ba11s (someone warned me of google with that last post ... so far so good ... but i'm not taking chances). booted those suckers right over to my friend's room ... it wasn't worth the smell. and the fact that i had to get the measurements right ... wasn't working for me or the kids.
so ... not that today's information added ANYTHING OF ANY RELEVANCE to this random posting ...
but ... it's done and gonna be published in about 2.2 seconds.

visit keely for more random. i promise ... you'll find something better than this. and if not ... just scroll on up to the cute picture of cora sleeping. but totally ignore the sheet set, please.

hey mom? do you want the ugly flannel sheet set with the kitties back?

Friday, March 13, 2009

a knot.

it's the word that has gotten me through the last few weeks.
because, in all honesty ... i've been looking for it.

i have been overwhelmingly frustrated with a moment that will exist in the future. and it has weighed so heavily on everything i do and feel ... right now.

this is a busy time of year for special education teachers ... and specialists. we are so busy with slps and ieps and neers and ecse and thousands of other acronyms that no one really understands or cares about. i have 31 meetings scheduled between this week and last week ... of which about 20 are regular education conferences ... but still must be attended. this is the time of year that the school districts are making decisions about placements and schedules. and our school district is closing 3 schools next year due to declining enrollment ... which means that ... oh goodness ... how do i describe it? chaos city?

and more importantly than all of that work stuff ...
stella is going to be a kindergartener.

and i was (glorious word, isn't it?) so stressed out about how i was (beautiful, no?) going to make that work.

this entire year, i have found myself sliding down a rope ... failing to mention it to loved ones and friends because i didn't want to seem incompetent ...

i didn't know what was anchoring my rope from up above ... i have only been able to see the rope in front of my face and feel the burns spreading across my palms as i have tried so desperately to hang on.

those rope burns have been so evident in my ability to mommy lately.
i have yelled much more than i want to.
i have rushed and hurried, everything from ... hugs and love and ... getting out of bed and getting out the door.
i have put cereal in a cup way too often with a glass of milk on the side ... to eat in the car.
i have been too quick to get upset about silly little things.
like spilt milk.
or acting silly when we need to get. your. shoes. and. coat. on!

the rope burns are affecting my kids.

and my husband.

and me ...

i've felt happiness. but i haven't been honestly and truly happy. i've had fun. but i haven't been carefree or careless ... without putting a lot of effort into it. and that is truly exhausting.

a large part of this weight on my shoulders ... gradually pulling me down the rope ... has been next year.

how am i going to be a mommy to a kindergartener and a preschooler and get everyone to where they need to go ... when i am part-time single parenting and full time working it?
when the changes in the school district ensured that stella would not be able to attend the school right next to her daycare.
and she would not be able to attend the school that i teach at.
and she didn't get into the charter school that we were hoping for.
and she didn't get into the second choice spanish immersion school that would have picked her up from anywhere.

and i was running out of options. i was trying so hard to control it all ... that i forgot about fate. on march 3rd ... fate reared her beautiful face and manicured hand and bitch slapped me.
after that ... she looked me straight in the eys, and tied a knot in the rope (much too close to the end) ... on which to rest ...

on march 3rd ... we had to register ... irregardless of what we wanted ... at our neighborhood elementary school ... that i had tried so hard to dislike.

but loved.

... it's a sweet little gem of an elementary school ... it is the perfect size - not too big, not too small.
... there were interested and involved parents there.
... the pta has found a way to raise money to fund artists to come in and teach the children about the creation of art ... in the face of a district that can't afford to hire art teachers.
... the full day kindergarten option does not require a tuition.
... the teachers appeared lovely and friendly.
... the principal introduced herself to stella first.
... and mentioned that they haven't had a stella there in all of her years. and that she knew that.

stella told me that she loves her school.

the knot.
gave me a bit of a rest.
and finally, the strength to start climbing back up.

yesterday i reached the top. and found out that the rope was tied to a rainbow.

a rainbow insisting that i take a new position ... at the same school that stella will be at. a four day week position. and a full day to devote to making my life less stressful. a full day to ... mommy ... and keep cora home and walk stella to school and do the dishes and get out the door after the sun comes up and we've eaten a breakfast of pancakes following an uninterrupted moment episode of hugging and cuddling on the couch ...

and on the days that i do work ... stella is near me ... in my office before and after school ... finishing up on her work so that we don't have to do it at home. i can grab her for lunch occasionally ... i can be available for her and her classroom teacher. i can finally live the reason why i decided to move back to a school based position.

i'm feeling a whole new sense of clarity. and it feels really really good.

survival is such a strong word ... and many people have been forced to survive things that i'm pretty sure that i would crumble in the wake of. but this ... topic over at spriteskeeper outlined the fact that i'm surviving this thing called motherhood ... but sometimes ... i just need to realize that i am not necessarily the one in control. for more exciting stories about survival ... head on over to spriteskeeper's place.

Monday, March 9, 2009

mamas got a question for you!

i just came across this meme over here ...

and quite honestly ...

stellers has been begging her mama for a chance to BLOG! (that's my girl ...) apparently she has something profound to tell y'all. so this was the perfect opportunity to give the little big girl a platform from which to speak

(while still maintaining a slight amount of control over what she was wanting to say ... and therefore ... me having to edit what she was saying ... without ever letting her know.)

did that make any sense to you? no? me, neither ... moving on.

presenting ... my stella.. (who speaks in shades of pink and purple ... 'cause she does EVERYTHING in shades of girly ...)

(with a few minor edits from the original source ... because we all know i can't do uppercase and 23 questions just doesn't cut it ... mama needs an even number ... is that the SLP in me? i need to be able to figure out the percentage quicklier? whatev.)

1. what is something mama always says to you?
-- um ... brush your teeth and go potty. um ... nobody wants to know the go potty part.
... always? ... really? ... i was thinking that i just say that in the morning!

2. what makes mommy happy?
-- cleaning up my room. and when i eat all my food.
... i wish that she knew that SHE just makes me happy ... just being her.

3. what makes mom sad?
-- i don't know. (insert sad pouty face here) what makes you sad? do you know something that makes you sad?
... have i ever mentioned that she's my thinker and my emotion-filled daughter? ...

4. how does your mama make you laugh?
-- make jokes. and tells me funny funny funny funny stories.
... i try try try try ... 'cause those deep tummy giggles can totally fix a bad day ...

5. what was your mommy like as a child?
-- um ... you had a monkey that you slept with. you played with your baby sister and your toys and played in the bathtub and played.
... right on ...

6. how old is your mom?
-- 44 ... um ... 55 ... no ... i think it's 51. i don't know. 31. yeah. 31. is that it?

... ... ... i'm 32 ... ... ... ok, 32.
... mama couldn't let that one slip by unremarked on ...

7. how tall is your mama?
-- ok ... my mom is 17 inches.
... when does she start kindergarten, and when do they teach measurement? ...

8. what is mommy's favorite thing to do?
-- take naps. be on the computer. play with me.
... i can't remember my last nap, not a good sign ...

9. what does your mom do when you're not around?
-- i bet she cleans my room and washes the dishes.
... not willingly ... i'd rather nap.

10. if your mama becomes famous, what will it be for?
-- 'cause she loved me.
... you are probably right ... drama queen ... you'll probably be the famous one.

11. what is your mommy really good at?
-- um ... washing the dishes. and teaching me stuff. and rubbing my feet.
... apparently ... i'm the only one that is good at rubbing her feet!

12. what is your mom not very good at?
-- feeding the bird and washing the bird cage.
... at least she had a hard time thinking of something ... and the bird was behind her ... so i'm guessing this was a total guess ...

13. what does your mama do for her job?
-- she's a speech-a-thologist ... a-tho ... a thalagist. she talks to kids.
... we'll have to work on that ...

14. what is your mommy's favorite food?
-- lettuce.
... no honey ... i just try to eat it more often ...

15. what is your mom's favorite thing to drink?
-- mocha.
... ok ... but how often does THAT happen? ...

16. what makes you proud of your mama?
-- that she helps me clean my room.
... so glad i could make you proud! ...

17. if your mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be?
-- (insert glowing face) ... Alex's mom ... on wizards of waverly place ...
honey ... she's not a cartoon character ... cartoons are like drawings ... ok, then i would say mickey mouse. or daisy duck.
... interesting, or not ...

18. what do you and your mom do together?
-- play barbies when my sister is sleeping. and feed the cats.
... i think that i'm really the only one around here feeding the cats ...

19. how are you and your mama the same?
-- you almost have the same color hair that i do ... but yours is more red though.
... she's right! ...

20. how are you and your mommy different?
-- our skin is different colors ... see ... mine is a little darker.
... she's totally off on this one! ...

21. how do you know your mom loves you?
-- because i love her and she loves me.
... so simple yet ... there is so much more ...

22. what chore does mama not like to do?
-- clean up all the clothes. and get the spiders. big spiders, especially.
... oh yes ... i hate to get the spiders and the boxelder bugs ... ugh ... they fly into your head ... i would rather get a fast small spider ...

23. where is your mommy's favorite place to go?
-- to the fish cafe.
... sounds silly if you don't live in our house! ... downstairs in the playroom ... we have stella's fish cafe and cora's pizza kitchen ... just what they've named their areas ... daddy and i go on dates there quite often ... but not often enough!

24. how do you know mommy loves daddy?
-- oh i know why ... this is really crazy ... 'cause you guys are married.
... mama LOVES this answer ... like marriage precipitates the love ... cute.

25. what is something that your mama wishes for?
-- she wishes that she could get all her pictures back on her camera. and maybe for some more games for her wii. and a pony. she wants a pony.
... more than anything ... i just want my girly girls to live a fulfilled and happy life ... well ... and a pony ... probably a horse.

** disclaimer **
when i decided to do this ... i thought it looked like fun! insight from my little! how exciting! how fun! what a grand way to spend a few minutes together!

and from the outside ... it looks all cheery! and happy! and fun for all!

bologna! ... (which i would so rather spell - baloni - ) ...

this task was like pulling teeth from a lion ... taking a bone from an angy dog ... taking a sucker from a toddler ...
A.W. to the F.U.L.

are we done yet? how many more? i don't know mommy! i don't wanna do this anymore!

it took DAYS to get through it!

there were several completely awful mommy moments of ... "fine ... then we just won't do it! i don't care ... it's just a blog!"
(insert whiny pathetic voice here) ... but-i-wanna-do-a-blog! i-wanna-do-it!

in other words ... attempt at your own risk.
this blog mama cannot be held responsible ... for anything.

Friday, March 6, 2009

adventures ... then and now ... and then.

adventure ...
/ædˈvɛntʃər/ –noun
an exciting or very unusual experience

isn't it funny how a single word can hold such a completely ... drastically ... utterly different meaning at various moments within your lifetime?

all the while, your dictionary ... seemingly never updates their definition.

in my past ...
i've done things that were (at the time) exciting ... and (maybe) unusual ...

... climbed atop a water tower with my heart racing ... (sar-bear - i hope your mom doesn't read this!)
... jumped aboard my horse and just galloped away with no rhyme or reason ...
... moved somewhere - just because i didn't know anyone that lived there ...
... boarded a plane to meet my husband on an overnight trip for just 12 hours because i could ...
... flew to florida at 6 months pregnant to spend the weekend with my dad searching for seashells while he was working ...
... held my husband's hand as we explored several vacation and new-home states ...
... finding a peach tree growing on the side of the road in a remote area, stealing a peach (and deciding that peaches from a grocery store will just never be good enough) ...
... quitting a job and taking a job that just felt more right ...

and now?, my so-called adventures have altered ... for example ...

... taking a one year old (just getting through a bout of rotovirus) to california ...
... taking a two year old to hawaii for a best(est) friend's wedding (that's 12 hours on a plane, folks - which totally counts as an adventure) ...
... we explored hawaii with a two year old - including a dolphin cruise and snorkeling adventure ...
... forgetting the packed diaper bag during an all-day outing (my husband has never been so happy about my decision to stash a few diapers in the car - just in case) ...
... flying with my 9-month old first class to salt lake city ...
... getting pregnant - twice ...
... making it through natural childbirth - twice ...
... walking through the valley with the children, the wagon, the dog, the husband ...
... discoving deer beds and hornets nests (not up close) and redwinged blackbirds in the cattails ...
... exploring the shores of lake superior trying to find agates and angel tears ...
... camping in cold/wet and hot/dusty weather with two kids and boppa ...
... fretting about having two littles and shopping with them (who sits where?) - and surviving ...

it sure has changed it's definition ... and will again someday soon ... i'm almost sure of it ...
and THAT is when i hope to accomplish more adventures ...

... riding horseback on a beach - galloping in the surf ...
... safari in africa - discovering animals in the place where they reign and i don't ...
... jumping on a plane to see my husband on an overnight trip - just because i can. again ...
... watch someone tap maple syrup from the tree ...
... own a horse - and run off again with no rhyme or reason ...
... walk into an airport and hop a flight to somewhere - without a plan - just a suitcase filled with necessities - you can buy clothing anywhere, really ...

but quite honestly ... all of those dream adventures will have to wait ... i have so many more adventures (however close to home they may be) intended with ... and for ... my girls.

i just don't want to explore anything without them at this exact moment in time. they are the grandest element within my current adventures. i wouldn't want anything less - or more - then the time that i have with them.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

album covers ... meme.

over here (at captain dumbass' place)... i saw a "meme" that provided a chance to make your own album covers! his was super cool and rockin'!

(he got his inspiration here ... )

so i thought i would try it! 'cause it looked like fun! and i'm still on a brain hiatus!

this was my result.
just slightly less than cool.

so i tried it again ... and this was my result.

still kinda sorta (and maybe even potentially ... more) sucky ...

let's try that again, shall we?
so here it is - my (final ... thankgod) attempt at completely ignoring the rules and clicking until i found something i kinda-maybe-sorta liked.

i had to pick this band name ... primarily because of this statement (from wikipedia) "She lived in Debracen and she had not children with Szapolyai." which sounds an awful lot like a unnamed talk show episode entitled ... "oh no ... i not your baby mama!"

and on a side note? on monday while getting my believe-it-or-not-she's-sick-again! cora down for a nap i caught one of those unnamed shows with the title (something like) ...
i can't be your baby daddy ... i was in a coma
sorry ... i missed the paternity test result. ... wow. just wow. that's really all there is to say about that.)
wanna try it for yourself?
no ... not the paternity test, silly!
the meme!
here are the rules ...
1. go to wikipedia. hit "random." the first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band. (and quite possibly ... clicking on that link will take you right to it!)
2. go to random quotations. the last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.
3. go to flickr and click on "explore the last seven days." the third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. use a photo editing program to put it all together ...
OR ...
just ignore the rules and pick what you like best!
for the record ... this task really helped solidify that i will not and should never be allowed to have a music album or a band. i think that is exactly what the internets universe was trying to tell me.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

random ... i know.

so i'm joining ... the cool kids ... that are apparently all hanging out ... over here ... at the unmom's place ... because i cannot think of anything to say
because everyone else is doing it
because random ... really is how my brain works. haven't you noticed that already?
it was my one year blog-versary on march 1st ... i think ... hold on ... let me check for sure. yep ... march first ... here it is ... wait ... let me dust that off for you ... ok - here it is.

no one commented on it. does that surprise you? i didn't get a single comment until here {blowing off the dust} ... which was on my 5th post (thanks christine ... an in-real-life friend ... who has an etsy shop ... with the best name evah ... a hot piece of glass ... hee hee ... that name makes me giggle. every. time.) ...
then nothing, again ... until my 8th post ... when jen from playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren commented! and then my 9th post when i got FOUR comments ... do you know how ecstatic i was that day ... even though one commenter commented twice?
and after all of that ... what i really wanted to say was ...

i had meant to do a giveaway ... on my one year anniversary ...
using a crafty metal stamping set that i just got my hands on ... but haven't practiced yet ... and i don't want to give away something that is fugly. so wait for it ... soon, i promise.
i really want to make a stamped necklace ... like my most treasured possession of my girly-girl's names. for someone. who has less than 8 kids ... 'cause i don't have that much time on my hands.
speaking of 8 kids ...
holy. i'm not even gonna go there.
like marinka said ... can you imagine a birthday party sleepover someday?
speaking of birthday parties ...
we have a five-year-old party coming up on march 28th ... which is 25 days away ... if you are counting ... and i know someone who is ... and that someone proceeds to tell me. each. and. every. morning.
i considered taking her and friends to an art place in our area that has a gigantic art wall where the kids can throw paint and create a jackson pollock inspired masterpiece. and they had an opening! so i called husband to ask him about it! ... and he said, "that sounds ok ... 30 bucks a kid isn't TOO bad." and i said, "holy shit. now that you use that kindof mathmatical mumbo jumbo with me ... there is no way in hell i'm paying $30 per kid! when i can do it at home for so much cheaper!"
so now i'm planning on letting children go crazy with paint at my house.
i may totally think that paying $30 per kid is SO completely worth it ... on march 29th. just wait.
here ... at work ... i have 4 smelly balls sitting right behind me ...
and if that didn't capture your attention ... i'm not sure what would!
our school (yes i wrote this over my lunch 1/2 hour) is starting to use ball chairs in some of the classrooms ... there is some interesting information about the use of them with focus and attention ... i'll keep you updated ... but they SMELL. horrendous. and my room is a wee closet. and now ... a wee-little closet filled with smelly balls.
which makes me giggle constantly when i say it or type it.
and the funniest part was the day that i was on the phone and a custodian opened my door and just started throwing the balls in here ... and my co-worker said that i should never let men shove balls at me without my permission. she makes me laugh.
well ... that there was a little insight into how my brain functions. glad you stopped by ... and made it ... all the way through ... because i'm sure all of you did. and if i don't get any comments on this one ... kinda like my first blogpost ... because y'all neglected to comment BEFORE clicking on all the links i included up there ... i'm gonna cry ... (and probably never do this random tuesday thing again ... either that ... or never include links AGAIN.)
random ... i know. i'm just sayin'.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

pushing my buttons ...

have you ever pushed a button ... that seemed insignificant ... meaningless ... slightly mysterious ...

and had it erase ALL of the pictures on your current camera?

and after feeling absolutely anxious and overtly neurotic and more-than-stupid ... realized how thankful that you are that you just spent what seemed like at the time - way too much only $24.95 (or was it .98?) on your flickr account and uploaded (almost) all of your pictures mere days ago?

yep ... that is (pretty much) my life today and this week ... maybe all of last month.

anyone wondering where i've been lately? i. have. no. idea.
i've tried to pop in here and there ... but i haven't had much to bore you with say.

but i'll be back in the saddle ... sometime this month, i'm (almost) sure of it.

we just might be slightly (even more) picture-less for awhile.