dude has some fashion sense.

 (note.  i didn't say GOOD fashion sense.)

just don't ignore the cuteness. 
because seriously.  who could??

finners LOVES dora. 
i take that back.
cora loves dora.
so therefore finners loves dora too.

and caillou.

please send tequila, wine and chocolate to my home address.  thank you for your support.

my little blue caboose saw this sock and HAD. TO. WEAR. IT.
like immediately.
over his pajamas.

and then we went to the store.

and because he's a third baby ... he went in his pajamas.  because i had to get dressed.  and i can only dress a maximum of three people per day. 

stella had to go to school - one.
cora was wearing a tank top - two.
i was wearing the same black yoga pants that i had been wearing when jeremy left on his trip.  three days ago.  - THREE.

you have no idea how many people stopped me to tell me that the boy was missing a sock.  with a slightly confused look on their face.

one look at cora - wearing a kermit the frog shirt and purple pants and an easter sweater ... surely could have put them at ease. 

clothes are just not a fight that i choose to fight as a mama.

plus.  little boy was gladly entertained by dora for much of the morning. 

and that?
makes me smile.

so. you turned three. and a half.

SO LONG AGO.
november 3rd to be exact. 
but ... three is a crazy age.  so i'm totally allowing myself to feel ok with the fact that it has taken me a bajillion years to write your "today you are three and a half and this is who you are" letter. 

feel like you've missed something dear readers?
two and a half ...
one and a half ...
(on every half birthday i write a little note to my babies to tell them who they were at that moment in time.  so bear with me ... this one is for her ... )

cora.
coconut.
my little middle.

i remember when your 3 (and a half!) birthday was coming upon us ... mostly because we were remembering how most of the family was sick with that major uck last year at this time.  and i said!  oh yay!  cora is about to have her three and a half birthday! 
and you demanded cake.
because that's just kinda what you do.

and we happened to be at ikea that night ... buying some shelf or something to utilize in my endless quest for organization of the never-going-to-be-organized-toy room.  and we left ikea with grandma and auntie lulu.  and got in the van.  and then i realized that everyone was superduper hungry and that the drive home was going to be ridiculous if attempted before you all had food in your tums.  so i threw finners back into the sling and hoisted you up onto the other hip and made poor stellers walk.  i'm sure i looked like quite the sight dragging three crying children back into the store.  by myself.  (grandma and lulu had left us in the parking lot.)  and they were completely out of meatballs.
frickfrack.
the promised meatballs were not available.  but giganto slices of weird cakes were apparently sufficient to make up for their nonexistance.

and in the middle of the restaurant late at night we sang happy half birthday to you as loud as we could. 
and we smiled and giggled and laughed our way through a not-so-nutritious meal of mashed potatoes and cake. 

and you turned three and a half.

and this is who you are.
... just recently you declared yourself a vegetarian ... which looking back ... isn't weird at all.  you always were one to eat your fruits and vegetables and leave everything else on your plate.  it's just official now.
... you are amazingly stubborn.  and it's hard.  and it's rough.  and it makes for some really frustrating moments in parenting you.  like the several days when you have asked me to make your new favorite dinner ... that you tell me is your favorite dinner (spinach enchiladas) but you won't let anyone watch you eat it ... because one time you said you wouldn't like it ... and so now?  even though you tell me it's your favorite ... noone can. see you.  enjoy it.  gah!

... but i wouldn't want you to be any other way.
... someday?  i'm really going to cherish this trait of yours. 
... alone ... you are the brightest most sunshiney child. 
... you can light up a room.
... with your brother and sister ... you are a tad more frustrated.  (but who wouldn't be when jammed in between those two?)

... yesterday you were going to get your ears pierced.  and you woke up with the sun and a yawn spread across your face and you told me, "sometimes?  when you yawn really big?  it means that you are excited to go and get your ears pierced." 
... and then you didn't.
... and i think that maybe you felt really bad that you couldn't do it. 
... but it's ok.  because i felt a little funny about the possibility of you having them pierced anyways.
... you still love purple.  it's your favorite.  but you also like pink and yellow, you say.
... you have a creativity all your own.  it shows up in your clothing style and in your art.

hey... it all had pink.  complete with boingy ponytail things.  six of them.

no ... not like that.  BOING-I-ER.

... you love words and how they spill off your tongue.  you love to sing silly things and say things that cause people to listen.
... you love to have people sleep next to you ... or at the very least ... lie with you while you drift off to sleep. 
... but generally you end up kicking them in the head during the night ... so no one really LOVES sleeping next to you.
... you desperately want to go to school.  and you can count and read letters and numbers on the busses.
... and we still have to wait another year for kindergarten. 
... but we are looking around at preschools.  because you would be in heaven ... learning.

... you are still scared of dogs barking.  and you have the best hearing in the world. 
... sometimes you scream MOMMY! in the middle of the night and i run into your room expecting you to have fallen out of bed or be on the verge of getting sick ... and you calmly say "i love you mama" and roll over smiling yourself to sleep.
... for the longest time you said ... "i wizzint!" (for "i wasn't).  and now?  you say ... "i wizzint! i know it's supposed to be wasn't.  but it's more fun to say wizzint."  (try it.  it IS more fun.)

... i still can't believe how easily you gave up your nuk nuk when you turned three.  (and just for the record ... i totally have one hidden away ... for memories sake.)
... you are a thinker.  you ask me about things from when you were little.  or when i was little.  and you love to listen to the old stories.
... you love to read books.  though you have no favorites.  you just love pictures and words and quite possibly your favorite part is cuddling.
... you give the best bear hugs.  in the world.  hands down.
... you are kind and helpful.  most of the time.
... you are jealous and loud.  often.
... you are sweet and sour.  all at the same time.
... and i think it's because you are a middle.  well.  and you are three.
and three is just really a hard age to be.
because you are big enough to understand so much ... and too little to do too much.
and i can't imagine how frustrating that is.

i'm trying to remember though ... because it's just you.
and you are so incredibly beautiful.  everything about you is amazingly wonderful.  and i hope that you never forget that. 

i love you sweet coconut.  so so SO big.
love always,
your mama.

moments.

i read someone somewhere who said blogging isn't always about blogging the big things.

it's about blogging the moments.

(was that you?)

i probably could remember these things if i didn't have a reader jammedfull of so.many.posts.  that i don't get the time to get to ... but i hate to send into oblivion ... because what if i miss something?

moments.

i try really really hard to remember to acknowledge those moments.  especially the little things.  that someone said.  or a glimpse i had of a child's thoughts.  or an idea that flitted it's way through my concious.  though often the moments are rushed and chaotic and quickly pulse into the next moment ... lost {not quite} forever into the depths of my mind ... and i can imagine myself an old lady in a rocking chair.  remembering.  {hopefully vividly}

and then sometimes.  i try to capture it.
just because i might not remember.
or i might need a trigger.
or because godforbid something ever happen to me ... i want someone else to have an idea of what that glorious moment looked like.  so that they can share it.  and they can see this beauty that i saw. 

in those everyday moments ... that stood out to me.  for some reason or another. 

and i was alone with the boy last weekend.  so things probably were are a little centered around him  in these pictures all the time actually. 

this boy of mine.  he has my heart.  but he loves him some boppa time ... well ... at least when daddy isn't around.  he will leave mama for daddy or boppa.  unless he wants to nurse.  i'm currently under the assumption that i will have to cut him off when he leaves for college.  though ... hopefully he'll do it on his own time.  much much earlier than that.

please excuse the boy wearing cora's cinderella pajamas.  in black and white it wasn't completely obvious.  but ... poor kid has minimal jammers.  and he completely can destroy a pair of pajamas in a single meal.  kid changes clothing all. the. time.  and cora has an overabundance of pajamas.  (not sure how ... but she can convince anyone during a target shopping escapade that she needs pajamas and underwear.)

 there was just something about putting him in a flannel shirt that changed him from baby to boy. 

ohmydeargoodness.  he's my. boy. 

and i'm fascinated by how happy that word makes me.  i never thought i would get to that point.  if you've been around here awhile you know that the thought of blue sent me into tears when i found out about him.  but ... you all were right ... i have fallen for him.  and there just isn't ANYTHING quite like the love that a boy has for his mama. 

he might go to daddy and boppa for fun.  but ... we have something pretty special. 

 and then he managed to flithify another outfit. 
and a bath was in order.
and he got that entire bath to himself.

and he played for.ev.er.

and though i'm not sharing the tummy picture on here.  (because though none of you are kooks - of course ... they are out there). 

and that?

is the moment that i will remember when i'm old and sitting underneath a chunky knit blanket rocking back and forth ... my baby boy's tummy.  his pooched out little tum.  while he splashed and played and smiled in bathwater that was getting cold by the second.  how he giggled when i blew bubbles that caught windstreams in the quiet air of the steamy bathroom and floated up and away.  how he stared in amazement as i poured water from a glass watching it cascade into the bath water as he tried to grasp it ... but couldn't.

moments.  unlike the stream of water pouring from above ... they can be caught.  and filtered away.  and saved for another day. 

signs of spring.

did you know that yesterday ... before i even wrote that whole sounds post thing ...
i actually DID take some pictures?

i did.

i just forgot.

see previous post indicating complete LACK OF SLEEP.

visual representation of the noises out my door.

visual representation of the fact that i do occasionally direct crafty activities with my kids.

it may look like a gift bag vomited into a vase hanging on my wall ... but if you look closer ... you'll notice that the vase isn't actually in there ... my dad broke it those are beautiful flowers made of color coordinated tissue paper.

one hour of pure silence for the win.

and yet ... today?
it's freezing ass cold outside. 
spring is such a tease.

sounds.

it's funny.
i'm so acutely aware of visuals and pictures and colors and ohmythecolors.  my head is filled with them.

it's just what i've always been.

colors spark emotion in me like nothing else.  if i feel something.  i think a color.  it's completely tied together.  i've never though as much about it as i just have here in those last few seconds of plunking away on my keyboard. 

do you do that ... that whole thinking in color thing??  or am i just really weird?

and yet ... today ... i finally pulled out my poor camera that has spent far too many days tucked away while we all faced sick upon sick.

hidden away because ...
i'm rather positive that no one needs to see photographic proof of finn puking every. single. night.  sometime between 12:30 and 1:00 am. 
or the ensuing laundry that had to be done.  every. single. night.
or the poor baby's SIX pounds that he lost over the course of a week.
(thank god that he is still nursing.)
or me.  sick.  (let's just not go there, ok?)
or the countless trips to the pediatrician ... attempting blood draws and xrays.  trying to figure out the cause of that whole weird puking thing that finn was doing.  that lead to dilated loops of bowels or some crazy diagnosis like that ... THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER GOOGLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.  trust me.

by the way ... my mother in law might just kill me for writing this ... but i think she despises the word puke.  or puking.  like drives her crazy despises ... based upon something she said when stellers was little and i said that word. 
and so quite possibly?
this entire post - if she reads it - will drive her bonkers because i've just said puke like 842 times. 
and the thought of that makes me feel like going back and changing those words to vomit.  or eject.
but i'm not going to ... sorry.

there would also be a few photos showing you my monster cat that ... on top of the entire family being sick with something or other ... decided to go and get himself a bladder infection.  complete with crystals and blood in the urine. 
and how do we know?  because i am apparently really good at catching cat pee ... in a cup.  yay! me!
so if i wasn't at the pediatrician's office ... i was at the vet.  or in bed.  (if i was lucky).

let's circle back on around now, shall we?

so ... i'm a super visual person which is why i feel incredibly weird about posting without a picture.

and yet?

what i really wanted to tell you ...

was that ... tonight?  while i walked the dog outside ... my neighbors windchimes played music.  that i'm assuming is always there ... i just don't listen to it often enough.

and as i sit hear and focus on the tippity-taps of my fingers ... i hear drip-drops ... outside. 
which is most assuredly a sign of spring.  in the-very-near future.

and the refrigerator hums.  quietly. 

and occasionally i hear a snore from the dog or the padding of pawsteps against the wood flooring from a cat. 

or a sleepy sigh from a baby asleep.  thankfully.  asleep.  and probably for not too much longer asleep.

so i should really go listen to all of those things from the comfort of my quilts and my bed snuggled against my pillow.  before i hear the cry of a baby in the middle of the night asking for mama.  or bay-bee (which means blankie).

so ... good night.

big wide mouthed frog.

have you ever seen this book?

so cute.

it's always been one of my favorites.

it's about a little frog with a big mouth that runs around asking animals who they are and asks what they eat.

he's kind of a little dude with a big self esteem.

plus i love the pictures.
(what's up with me and writing about pictures in kids books so much lately?)
and i love the australian animals that he meets. 

especially this emu. 

... and in the end there's a twist and turn you just won't expect. 

and all of this just to say ... i'm sick of talking about myself.  and i feel kinda like the frog.  and i want to know more about you.

so ...
who are you?