two and a half ... and yes ... i realize i'm always late on these sorts of things.

so ... awhile back i finished up your big sister's 1/2 birthday post ... i was pretty much late with hers too ... so don't feel bad.  well ... actually ... you can feel just a little bad because between when i started this and tonight when i'm actually finishing it ... i managed to have a baby.  and make you into my little middle.  but ... that's beside the point.  on november 3rd?  you were two and a half.  and we celebrated.  with a cake.  (banana and chocolate chip ... but we were out of chocolate chips ... so i pretty much just crumbled up a bunch of chocolateish halloween candy and sprinkled it into the batter.  so. good.) and a candle that you blew out.  because you were so excited when i told you it was your half birthday.  you insisted that we have a cake.  while your sister sprawled out on the couch with the h1n1 virus. 

and it just seems like i can't get my stuff together enough to ever get these letters out to you ... on time.  but all excuses aside ... it truly is because i'm spending my time with you rather than writing about my time with you ... and i hope that you can see that THAT really is better for you and for me.

back in november when this letter had began ... i watched you with open eyes over the weekend. i took the time to really honestly watch you.  i stared into your eyes.  i listened to your beautiful little sweet voice.  i held you.  i rock-a-byed you.  i cried when you fell asleep in my arms. 
you were so on the verge of being a big sister.
of being the middle.
of becoming who you are going to be in this lifetime. 

and it scared me ... having to watch this little that i kinda always thought would be my baby ... jumping wholeheartedly into such a big girl position. 

i know it drives you crazy when i say it ... but just remember ... you will ALWAYS be my baby.  no matter how big you get.  no matter if you are taller than me.  no matter if there is another baby behind you ...  you will always be my baby.  because for one short moment of time.  one blip in our life ... you were.

and this is who you are ... right then and now.

-- you are the most opinionated child on the face of the earth.  you know what you want, when and how.  i remember ordering your lunch at the restaurant one day.  i was ready to order you the same thing i had always ordered for stella.  because it's what i thought kids would eat.  it's what stella always ate.  you didn't want the noodles and sweet and sour chicken.  you wanted fried rice with an egg roll.  and you proceeded to eat all. of. it.  i had no idea that i had been giving you what you didn't want all along.  i'm sorry.
-- your favorite game it "try to get me stella" ... and you will take the opportunity to climb upon daddy or boppa and throw yourself in the air in attempts to get away from stella.  you literally climb them.  no fear.
-- you love your sister.  you adore her.  you copy her all. the. time.  which drives her batty.  but ... you love her.  and you both having each other makes me so happy. 

-- you effortless moved out of your crib and into your big girl bed with stella. and then she moved up to the top bunk ... and you acquired this gigantic full size mattress all to yourself. and you LOVE it.  but you didn't bat an eye when you left your crib.  you wanted your baby to have it.
-- nuk-nuk??  well that's a whole 'nother story.  you are more than willing to give it up ... and when i was pregnant mama could often be found walking around with pacifiers in her shirt ... because you wanted the baby to have them.  but when bedtime rolls around ... you quietly take it back and calm yourself to sleep.
-- and mama?  the speech-language pathologist?  that never wanted her kids to have a nuk past a year of age ... really likes her sleep apparently ... and she hasn't pushed you to rid yourself of it.  yet.  i'm sure it's coming ... i can already hear the /s/ errors that pop up in your speech.  argh.
-- on the same note, though ... you are a model child to work with on your sounds.  you imitate the more appropriate sound and then proceed to practice it ... without any prompting.  beautiful.  i wish more kids were like you some days!
-- you are a fantastic big sister.  you LOVE babies.  you love everything about babies.  so far.  i think my biggest challenge with you will be convincing you that you can't just pick up the baby and take him somewhere.  supervision is going to be important.

-- speaking of supervision.  supervised water usage.  you have a fondness for washing your hands and letting the water run on forever.  and just playing in it.  i know.  i clean it up.
-- i loved to hear you say ... "i not know"  because it's just plain cute.  and then you went all grown up on me and changed it to "i don't know." last week.  i miss it.
-- you have a fear of dogs barking.  you always have.  even when i was pregnant with you ... you would jump at the sound.  this in turn makes you scared of most dogs.  except for skye.  a 95 pound lab.  that you adore.

-- you can play babies for hours. 
-- you can recite the book pinkalicious ... in a much cuter way than it is originally written.  "rainyday.  too wet t'go ou-side.  let's make cupcakes.  pink.  i say.  pink. pink. pink."  and on and on.  (i need a video camera, don't i?)
-- you tell me everytime that i go through a stop light that green is go and red is stop.  and that "yellow means it's almost red time!"  (which isn't EXACTLY how i explained it.)
-- your favorite color is purple.  and yellow. and blue. and green. and pink. 
-- you love to draw rainbows.  and airplanes. and trains and boats.  and you put them all on the refrigerator.

-- you are the queen of compromise.  if stella gets the pink cup today ... you are just fine with knowing that you'll get it tomorrow. 
-- you are a burst of sunshine in my life.  you are me.  you are the me that i was when i was little.  easy going and comfortable and fun and happy. 

-- please don't ever lose that.  because you are so completely beautiful and wondeful.  and i can't wait to see what you can do with those qualities someday.

i love you sunshine. more than you will ever know.