encourage. inspire. enjoy.

spriteskeeper ... the mighty grand poobah of the spin cycle ... has given us the assignment of coming up with a new years resolution. (really ... i didn't see that coming ... well ... i probaby did in some recess of my brain ... but i was hoping not to.)

problem is?

at one point in my life ... i resolved to not make resolutions. period.

i had become disgusted with my inability to go an entire span of time ... one measly little year ... doing what i had said and hoped i would ... or could.

so i gave up on them.

and i've stewed about this topic since the posting of the assignment ... about what to write. about what to resolve to do. about what to say if i continue to resolve ... not to do ... anything.

and it came down to this.

i live my life ...
and there is so much that i'm thankful for and enjoy ... but, i'm not always happy with all of it. and i completely realize that there are things that i want to have and do and be. (and so many things that i have and do and am.)

and in order to acheive those things that i haven't (yet) succeeded at and also to give myself a pat on the back for the things i have achieved ... i need to create a simple mantra for myself.

encourage.inspire.enjoy.

that's what i want to do. simple. no goals to lose out on. nothing to fail. plenty to gain. and in the end something to look back at ... next december 31st ... to see how those words shaped my being.

because ... there is so much inside of those simple words.

and i don't want to minimize ... or place qualifications on them ... by telling you what i hope to do with them.

i just want them to be.

and i just want to be happy ... with whatever it is that i do with them.

because i can't come up with anything cohesive or important or remotely interesting.

yesterday ...

my girly-girls, my best(est) friend and her lil' -s- (friend's daughter and the current love of both of my children) ...

and i ...
(behind the camera)

all went to the zoo.

and apparently ... coconut LOVES her some dolphins.

so much so ...

that as she was nursing to sleep ... she de-latched ... looked up at me ... and said ...

"i see dolsins zoo"

yes, my darling. you did see dolphins at the zoo today. did you like watching the dolphins?

"yah. i see more dolsins."

at which point, she grabbed her nuk-nuk and blankies and walked to the front door. and struggled to pull on her snow boots.

"go see more dolsins."

i had to explain that the dolphins went night-night ... but we can go see them again real soon. slightly dejected, we headed back to bed.

i'm pretty sure that she had dreams of them all night long.

breathing.

because (occasionally) there are those bedtimes ...

that, honestly, make you want to initiate an online auction for your children.

-- with all the hyperactivity and crying and read-it-agains and whining and i-wannanother-snacks ...

the bidding will start at $1000. i am totally kidding about this option.

... or pour (at the very least) 3 more glasses of wine.

i am NOT kidding about this option.

and on very lucky days ...

you have your best(est) friend and her absolutely adorable gorgeous scrumptious - and also screaming and crying - baby girl spending a few nights with you ...

you just pour (at the very least) 3 more glasses of wine for each of you and giggle over pictures and notes and letters corresponding you across the country in high school.

and yeah. then you realize ... you could totally still be in high school worrying about boys and algebra.

that is when you realize ...

screaming babies are a breeze.

life in focus.

things are looking brighter.

grandma is home.

she still has the tumor ... i tell her it just means there is more of her to love.

they think it is slow growing ... and not interfering with her ability to function and live on her own.

it may be that she had a small stroke like episode ... or that she was extremely dehydrated. (i also had to explain that drinking diet coke ... is not hydrating ... only water helps with that.)

so. all in all. life has appeared more focused this holiday season.

and i got a new camera. (nikon d50)



focus (and aperture and light and shutter speed, etc.) are my high priorities right now.

after family.

i'm sure you'll be seeing more of me and her in the near future. my new camera is definitely a her. i just haven't decided on her name yet, though. suggestions welcome.

and thanks. thanks for the well wishes and prayers. i know they helped. both of us.

request.

this is why my heart hurts today.

coconut is sitting on my lap as i write this request to you ... and she just smiled and pointed as that picture appeared above. "gramma!" she said. and i start crying again ... she asked if i "bump head?" no baby ... mama's heart is very very sad.

see that amazingly wonderful woman up there?

yesterday, in the middle of the night, she had a fall. she (finally) realized the importance of these episodes and got ahold of one of her beloved children. who, in turn, called an ambulance to bring her in right away.

now we have a diagnosis.

brain tumor.

which will potentially be operated on ... today. edit: maybe not today. but soon.

and i am desperately begging you for all of the prayers and thoughts and well-wishes that you can possibly muster up today ... to pull her through this. because i am NOT ready to see her go.

it's amazing how something like this, can help you to realize the true importance of a holiday.

it's not the hours spent searching for a perfect present, the gifts that you receive under your tree or the cookies ... it's the people that you love. fully and truly. it's having them around you. it's being enveloped in one of gramsy-bear's best hugs.

so, please? send her some well wishes if you can today ...

i know this sounds greedy ... but i really want her here. i cannot imagine my life without her in it.

that, and ... she has a lot of life to live still.

in fact, she's been asking when they can get that thing out of her ... because she has a casserole in the fridge that needs to be brought over to someone's house ... and someone else asked her to make mashed potatoes for christmas dinner.

so, see? she's not ready yet either.

a birth story ... of sorts.

sprite's keeper gave us an extra week in which to complete our assignment for the spin cycle this time around!

(and believe me ... i needed it. whew. are we at friday yet? seriously. longest. week. ever.)

oh yeah ... friday at 4:00? marks the start of winter break. boy do i need it.
now if only i could find a way to make winter break last through june. hmmmm.

anyways.
back to the original stream of thought.

our assignment is to write a story about how your blog came to be. and here is my bloggy baby's birth story ...

don't worry anymommy ... i've promised you birth stories in the past ... and i guarantee ... you are getting 'em soon. that's what my early start of my new year will include ... no fear, my dear.

i started out reading blogs. different blogs. a variety of blogs. blogs of the "celebrity" bloggy variety. blogs that had beautiful pictures. blogs that showed gorgeous craftiness. blogs that made me giggle. blogs that made me realize that i'm not alone.

and then i started clicking on comment names ... because they intrigued me. or because something they said struck a chord and i wanted to read more about them. i think blogging to an extent is my reality television.

but without all of the weirdness.

well ... maybe some of the weirdness.

but ... the weirdness is actually more ... shall we say ... real?

then, i realized i'm kinda weird, at times, too. and i like typing out words.

and i had already learned how to send a comment. yeah me! and realized that i already had registered for an account. so i just added a blog.

primarily because the kids were sleeping in.

and i was ... slightly bored. (shhhh ... i'm sure the dishes weren't done and the carpet needed to be vacuumed ... i could have started a craft project or finished a craft project ...)

the name of my blog was a no-brainer. i always wanted to open an etsy shop named coconut belly ... my girl's most used nicknames. i liked the ring of it. i liked what it stands for.
and from that point on ... it's when i realized that i was going to write about my family. and me. that i was going to write for my family. and me.

i like watching my words flow in front of me ... and out of me. i don't hold onto things like i used to. i have an outlet for an overwhelming amount of thought that spins inside of me. every. single. day.

if you don't believe me ... just email me.
several people have emailed me and asked simple questions ... and i send them back paragraphs.
loads and loads of paragraphs. then they never email again.
maybe i have vocabulagorical attention deficit disorder?

blogging allows me to unleash it.
it's funny ... i've read that a lot of people edit numeous times before hitting publish. me ... i just get my words on the screen and go around and add color. and go. i don't really manipulate it ... much. what you see ... is really what i'm thinking. it just is.

and then i got comments.
which took blogging to a whole 'nother level.

all of a sudden i realized that people actually read what i write. which scared me for a day or so.

and even last week ... someone contacted me about advertising on my blog page.
which added a new dimension. especially ... because i turned it down.

my explanation was ... i started this for ME. for me and my family. for friends and family ... and friends that have grown exponentially through blogging ... near and far ...

to share the idea of what i'm thinking and who i am. who we are. to hope that i make someone smile or help someone with something ... anything. and if someone wants to put something on here ... i need to want it there. i need to know that it's something that i want you to see. somewhere that i want you to go to.

so yeah ... that's it. how my blog came to be ... in short ... because i have too many words in my head and they needed to get out. and because i love my girls. primarily, because i want to show the world how much i love my girly-girls.

my coconut. *and* my belly.

F this ... F that ...

sunshineandlemonade did a post a few days ... weeks ... while ago ...

in which she named 10 of her favorite things that started with an O.

she was willing to save us all from the lack of blogging material give us a letter to make our own list ...
and it has come to the moment when i needed something to spark some words ... so she handed me an F.

what the? i was slightly insulted, initially ... i mean, an F is slightly synonymous with failure. so i'm hoping that she wasn't insinuating anything.

here's to praying that she really just randomly chose a letter for me ... and wasn't handing out my blog grade.

here goes.

my 10 favorite things that start with *f* (in no particular order ... )

dunh dunh duh.

1. family ...
really? you didn't know that one was coming? i LOVE my family. all of them. sometimes some more than others. but in the end. all.
i love my girly-girls more than i could have ever imagined possible.
i love my husband ... more now than when we got married.
i love my family and my family-in-law and my extended extended family.
together ... they make my life worth living. and i thank the world for them every day.

2. felines ...
i have a soft spot for kitties. don't worry ... i'm not cat-lady potential. my parents got me my first kitten when i was 6 months old. and other than during college ... i have never NOT had a kitty at the end of my bed to keep my feet warm. it's a necessity on a cold night when my husband is working.

3. fun ...
i have a personal quest to make life fun. i don't always succeed. but it is a measure of my success if i can make my children and the students that i teach have a smile on their faces. we learn best when we are having fun with learning. and isn't it right to approach each day like that?

4. friday ...
finally. friday. i heart fridays. they are my bestfriend in a week of crazy. they are the symbol of "ahh"...we all get to relax together a wee bit for a few more days before the crazy has to begin again. i wish the week was designed with at least two of them. i love going to bed on friday and knowing that tomorrow is our day. funny, that just a few years ago? i loved fridays because it meant nights out. and now ... nights in.

5. farms ...
i never got the chance to be a farm-raised girl. but i dedicated myself to getting as close as i could. the feel of a warm burst of breath from your horse on a chilly morning. the squeak of cold leather as you pull yourself into the saddle. the cuddle of a barn kitten. the chorused nicker of the horses as you walk around with the grain and hay bales. the early mornings and late nights. the endless work involved with keeping life functioning.

6. forgiveness ...
i crave forgiveness. i crave the fact that it is always an option. that we can choose to forgive. that people can choose to forgive us. that you can do something wrong and that it will be ok in the end. the hardest part is asking for it.

7. friends ...
i have friends and "friends". people i know in real time and people that i have yet to meet ... but feel like i already know. and all of you are important to me. i love the feeling of community. the feeling that there are others that can guide me and pull me through the difficult. and can joy with me in the wonderful times. without friends ... i would be ... not me.

8. fawns...
we live in this amazing little area. quite close to the big city. really really close to the big city. with an spectacular little oasis of wild in our backyard. there is a herd of deer that consistently are walking through. each season, we have at least 1 fawn or a set of twins that meander through, either early in the morning or at daybreak. mama deer are this crazy mix of protective of their baby(ies) and used to humans. that they will walk baby right past you. (but they are sure to stay between you and the baby...) i always tease that i had never seen a deer pee before. i think that is the truest explanation of how used to living together we have become in this area.

9. film ...
not films. but film. i remember taking photography courses in high school and college and remarking that i wanted to do that. i love(d) capturing things in my camera. at the time, those around me squashed (?) my dream, saying that it wasn't an occupation ... more of a hobby. (either that, or i suck at it...). and now ... it's ok that i didn't pursue that as a dream job. because my favorite thing to take pictures of are in my life everyday. and they, probably, wouldn't be ... if my life was different. but, back to film? i used to love taking pictures with film. bringing it to the shop and waiting for it to be developed. beyond that? i used to love developing my own film and have always dreamed of having a little tiny blackroom in my house. the chemical scent and watching a piece of blank paper develop a scene that you witnessed is crazy-beautiful.

10. firepits ...
having a firepit sit within our backyard that we can routinely (during the summer, primarily!) enjoy is wonderful. we love to sit around at night with neighbors and friends. beer and wine. children and dogs. grahamcrackers and marshmallows AND chocolate. whispering "i love white bunnies" to encourage the smoke to blow in a different direction. letting the kids race around, in the dark, and swing and scream. laughing when their light up tennis shoes can be seen blinking randomly as they run behind the bushes. those fire nights are the mark of summer. and i love to capture them in my memory.

so funny...
after writing this whole entire list and reading my remarks about her giving me an *f*, i realized that we often say this prayer (?) before dinner ...
thank you for our food and family and friends and felines ...
and then we randomly suggest alternative *f* words that we are thankful for.
so funny that sunshineandlemonade gave me an *f*.

if you want ... let me know if you need a letter ... i'd be happy to oblige.

header suggestions?

anyone?

anyone??

i've switched it 3 times today ...
(not like anyone has noticed ... you've all been mighty busy i'm sure!)

it's just that i was playing on picnik ...
(my favorite ... oh by the way ... i upgraded and got rid of the horrendous shine on my profile picture! thank god.)

and the beach just no longer felt appropriate given that it is freaking cold outside ... but our little snow family makes me so happy. (not warm happy ... but makes me smile ... memories ...)

so ...
now i want your opinion ... (and please don't pick beach ... 'cause i can't take the temptations any longer!)

here's what i did today ... in between working.

option 1 ... option 2 ... option 3 ...

anyone out there have a preference??

peace.

my mom just sent me a group of pictures in an email ... and because i tend to want to know more and there was a glaring watermark in the corner ... i googled the photographers name ...

this is what i found.

an amzing little collection of photographs of a fawn and a bunny from a woman in germany - Tanja Askani. note: this link is in german ... so if you can read it ... enjoy it and let the rest of us know what it said!

apparently she also has a book available depicting the adventure of raising an orphaned wolf cub - kinship with the wolves.




the pictures speak to moments of peace and calm. and i just wanted to share that.
click on the links and enjoy the beauty that this world offers ... we just need to stop and see that it is there.

brrrrrrr...

i was just letting my dog out for the last potty break before bed ...

i opened the door, my fingers (wet from doing dishes ...) got partially stuck on the freezing cold clip on her tie out ...

the cold air rushed in ...
and ... i swear to god ... my dog just looked at me and telepathically indicated,

"there is no barking way that i'm gonna go place my arse close enough to that snow to pee ... i might get frozen to the yard with all that wind whipping around."

and ... she walked back to the bedroom and went to sleep. where she is now snoring.

negative 9, folks. fahrenheit. and that's just the temperature.
wind chill, you ask?? negative 26.

brrrrr ... i'm gonna go and climb into my cozy bed now. good night. stay warm.

google searching ... jen wants.

connie over at theyoungandtherelentless just a few days ago wrote a post based on a post ...

in which ...
these women googled "(insert: their name) wants"

they ended up with some funny prospects about what they want ...
so i decided to try it. because i like to steal ideas when i can't think of anything to say ...

apparently, the celebrity jens out there have really messed things up for me.

here ya go. (and please note ... this is not my christmas wish list mom&dad)

the top 20 things that ...
jen wants ...

1. a muzzle
2. human anatomy lessons
3. vampires in her clan
4. to play by the rules
5. a smack daddy
6. to step it up
7. taking out for fun
8. help
9. a meme
10. numbersss
11. to ease up on the lip injections
12. a road bike
13. a hug
14. healing thoughts and prayers
15. to look inside their relationship to see what the cause could have been
16. to be committed real soon before she does something crazy
17. to get OVER it and GET A LIFE!
18. to acknowledge that she got her ass dumped
19. a 929 ASAP stunterzcomer
20. reverse anger management

a rut.

i'm in a rut.
and apparently ... when you google search that phrase, you realize that everyone else is too. at one time or another.

so ... i don't have much to say.

and that could swing the blogging pendulum to good or bad. it's up to you to decide if you want to read along and see what comes of this mindless wandering of words flowing from my hands.

and with that said ... i'm just gonna type and press publish post. no editing. no thinking. just thoughts. and potentially, bullet points. and i may go back and add color or size increases to the words that are singing to me, like usual ... anyways, we'll see what happens ...

i've never been one to overly think and analyze my life and where i am. i've always tried being upbeat and happy about what i'm doing and who i am. but i'm slowly realizing that i'm not sure that i'm who or where i want to be.

i'm stuck in a job that i absolutely love and hate. i spent this morning attempting to write an introductory paragraph about myself for an upcoming conference that i will (possibly) be presenting at. and i was trying to describe me. i wanted to shout
I AM A MOMMY TO THE TWO OF THE LOVELIEST LITTLE GIRLS AROUND!
but that is both incredibly important to who i am and completely unrelated to who i was trying to convey. i wanted to tell the people what i love about my job.
-- i love helping kids learn language and become better communicators.
-- i love watching a child say their first words.
-- i love breaking through to a child with autism and seeing them acknowledge me.
-- i love watching a student get the /r/ sound for the first time! and feel proud that i helped them get there.

but i feel that i'm failing my own kids in the process.

is it better that i reach out to 60 kids than to my own two?

i hate ... absolutely hate ... watching and seeing kids that don't reflect that they are being loved at home.
i'm sure that they are loved. everyone is. right?

are my girls gonna grow up thinking that they weren't because i shipped them off to play with someone else while i helped some other kids?

a few days ago ... my daycare provider was mentioning how fun it is to watch cora talking. (oops ... i said i wasn't going to edit ... that slipped. ignore it.) she said ...

"don't blink."

and i think i have. i've blinked and missed things.

my oldest daughter is going into *kindergarten* next year. she is going to be five years old.

is that what this rut is all about?

i'm watching these little beings develop and grow and mature and i can't fucking stop time long enough to breathe it all in. i can't bottle this (now) so that i can break open the seal in 50 years to remember who they were. at this exact moment in time. blogging is my attempt. but i can't, often enough, drop everything and just -write- in order to capture what it was that i wanted to say. and then i miss it. or forget about it. the memory gets placed in the store file of my brain. where, most likely, it will get covered in dust and forgotten about.

i want to stop everything and just stay at home with them and thrive off of their newness and discoveries and walk stella (oops again ... staying true to my word.) to school on that first day ... or maybe drive her.

because at this point ...
i have no idea where she is going to go. i always thought i did.

-- neighborhood school? yes ... but.
i work in our school district. i know that it isn't where i need her to be.
-- my school? yes ... but.
i don't want her love of life and learning to be smashed because of someone else's behavior.

i know my child. i know that if she saw another student throw a chair at the teacher on the first day of school ... she would be mortified and disturbed by it. it would bother her beyond all measure. it bothers me. she would bottle up that fear. she wouldn't talk about it for a few days ... she wouldn't sleep. it would all come tumbling.out.in.a.mess.of.tears.and.sobs.and.fear.
i don't want that.

at an open house last night ... i remarked to the teacher giving us a tour.

"i know that every parent thinks that their child is smart. and i don't want to sound like that parent. but ... i am. my child knows her numbers and her letters. she understands beginning level math concepts and is beginning to read and write. what is your school prepared to do to help foster and encourage her development, rather than making her wait for the kids that aren't ready?"

and she had the right answer. but our odds in the lottery to get in, aren't so hot. (please cross your fingers for me?)

they have their students make birthday baskets to send to homeless shelters for children. they expect (and make their parents sign!) agreements to be involved. they take the students outside to pick up the neighborhood and leave mayday baskets for the surrounding community.

they foster so much more than just the typical get through the day and teach the kids what is being tested. they want the kids to be successful at life. and that is what i want for my daughter. that is all that i ask for.

so now ... if you made it this far ... i thank you for listening and letting me pour out my heart. and i'm sorry that you had to listen to the randomness of it. but thank you.

what i really want to remember about today? i don't want to remember this feeling of being in a rut. i want to remember that two days ago ... on december 10th. stella came home from daycare knowing this.

MOM upside down is WOW

and i hope she believes it.

sign of a true friend.

while attending a birthday party at my grandmother's apartment building ... coconut remarked quite loudly ... "poop" while pulling at her pants ... which means that she has to go potty.

sidenote ... damn potty training. i swear ... i have been blessed with two girly-girls that decide to potty train themselves at the ripe ol' age of one. seriously. now ... don't start hating. it is a pain in the ass. because at one? there isn't much of a bladder ... and they need to pee constantly. and from a speech-language pathologist ... can someone please help me get her to say "potty" rather than screaming "POOP!" in the middle of where-ever we happen to be??? argh.

so we quickly gathered ourselves (and the older sister ... because apparently their bladders must. work. together.) and moved towards the restroom.

the restroom that had to be cleaned like there was no tomorrow. blech. i cannot even type out vocabulary that would describe the stench emanating from that room. it was horrendous. it was ...
oh.my.god.i.cannot.breathe.get.me.out.of.this.hell. ... stink.

but ... there out of the corner of my eye ... i saw a flash of pink.

it was raisin.

(confused, yet?)

or more specifically, raisin minneapolis wallet. the beloved doll of my belly's bestfriend.

i screamed (without breathing) ... GRAB RAISIN! GET HER OUT OF HERE!

we exited the bathroom from hell. forgot about the whole peeing thing. and called bestfriend's mom.

"do you know where raisin is??"
"we lost her!"
"we have her!"
"ohmyfarkinggod. jen and the girls have raisin!"
there were cheers of joy!
"we have been looking all over for her!"
there was a wee bit of sobbing occurring. (from mom of bestfriend. she's pregnant. need i say more?)

note ... i don't think she actually said, "ohmyfarkinggod" ... but it added emotion AND it was fun to type. but everything else is true.

and they were reunited later that evening.

my grandmother and bestfriend's dad's grandfather happen to live in the same building ... so it's not like we completely randomly just found the baby doll somewhere in the city.

but, what i find really amazing is that ... it was very evident to me that a sign of a true friend ... for your child is when you would be able to pick out the friend's most very prized possession and you would risk yours and your offspring's lungs to save it.

why.

beep beep beep beep beep ...

public service announcement.

you should never leave an 18 19 month old alone while you

quickly

check the loads of blog posts that have accumulated in your google reader over the last several days when you have been neglecting your blogging duties.

this concludes our public service announcement.

(yes ... that is a bajillion straws that were strewn about my house ... and yes ... this was prior to the removal of the carpeting ... but i just saw it and it made me laugh. a little late, but fun nonetheless. and they kinda looked like snow when she threw them into the air and watched them float down to the ground. which reminds me ... SNOWING. and STICKING to the ground. oh yes ... winter is here. and right now ... i kinda like it. give me a few weeks.)

jingle bells. and the quest to find one.

last night, belly intently watched polar express.
she's seen the movie before ... but not with as much conviction as was observed last evening. following the final few scenes in which the boy gets a bell from santa ... she wondered aloud.

do all kids get bells from santa?
will i get a bell from santa??
mama, why did that boy get a bell???

at that exact moment in time ... in my head ... i realized ...

it is so time to milk (and cookie) this santa-guy for everything i can.
oh yes.
we're on.

my mom and dad got this opportunity so long ago. now ... it's my turn.

i replied ...
hmmm. well that boy was a very very special boy. he must have done so many wonderful things for others. santa only hands out a few of those bells. only the most special and thoughtful of the children get them.

and it started to backfire ...
(with tears in her eyes) well, i wasn't very nice to coconut tonight. so i won't get a bell ... and i really really want a bell. (the tears were pouring now) so it doesn't matter what i do ... i won't get a bell.

shite ... c'mon mama, come up with something!
well ... honey. did you know that santa can see when you make things better? if you are polite and apologize to the people that you hurt. he'll see that and maybe will realize that you are trying your hardest. i don't know ... i think you might just get a bell ... especially if you can keep up this good attitude. it makes mommy and daddy and santa so proud.

and now ... at the sign of an impending outbreak ... i just sing. or hum a tune.

*he sees you when you're sleeping * he knows when you're awake *

*he knows if you've been bad or good * so be good for goodness sake *

and now?? i have to find a bell. or i will SO be screwed for next year.

**image courtesy of google image

coconutbelly holiday newsletter - spin cycle

spriteskeeper gave us the challenge of writing a holiday letter for our spin cycle this week. i'm taking this opportunity to write the letter that i would never never *ever* send. in a million years. because it ended up being me COMPLAINING. which i absolutely hate to do. i tend to pride myself in being one of those glass half full or silver lining kind of people... (yes ... i know ... gag.)

and please don't attempt to go back through my posts to make me feel bad that i may have complained once or twice ... i realize that i probably have, in a moment of desperation, complained about something or other. it was either complain to the one person that actually read this thing ... or complain to my husband. which would end up frustrating him, most likely. so ... there. just leave it alone.
i like to think that i AM a positive thinking personality. just agree with me. m-kay?

and now ... onto the letter that we should all just ignore. and maybe i will post another spin cycle with a letter that more closely resembles our lives. with no further ado ... adeiu ... adieu ...

here's the damn letter.
--------------------------------------------------
dear friends and family ...
wow. what a crazy busy year it's been.
we, here, at the coconutbelly household have been basically just trying to make it, alive, into 2009. so far, so good.
since we've all changed so incredibly much since last year ... we thought we would take this opportunity to update you!

belly is now 4 and a half. she has managed to grow exponentially this year, and we are no longer completely sure that we can afford to feed and clothe her. we started the year in a size 4T. currently we are reworking her wardrobe to include mostly 6x. (that's a 4 size increase for the estrogen-challenged out there.)
she eats. and eats. and when she isn't eating ... she's crabby ... probably a low blood sugar thing. (perhaps ... we should feed her more often?)
her attitude is currently resembling that of a 15 year old. (which is an 11 year increase, for the mathematically challenged out there.) she has learned to follow any remotely attitude-filled comment with an "i love you." and we generally fall for it. and then she backs that up by screaming at us ...
--especially when she is tired. which is all. the. time. because she doesn't fall asleep until late hours due to a nap that needs to go away at daycare.
--and when things don't go her way. which is pretty much all. the. time. because you can do exactly what she asked and it will be wrong.
--and when her sister does something that she doesn't want her to do. which is all. the. time. because see above and below.

speaking of her sister, lil' miss coconut. our 1 and a half year old crazy chicken. for awhile we thought it was cute that our little coconut was a mover and a shaker. now we are just tired. no-one has ever agreed to take both of the girls at the same time overnight. so i have yet to spend a night away from her. (which is both totally awesome and totally horrendous at. the. same. time.)
she still manages to suck on a nuk-nuk. and we haven't even remotely started breaking her of that habit, yet. honestly ... it's because we are too tired.
she gets into everything. everything. including our bed on a nightly basis. and everything goes in her mouth. everything.
she has managed to sleep through the night a total of 4 times. in a year and a half. did i mention that i am tired? (at least my husband gets to get away and maybe sleep occasionally at his job ... or at least, that's what i dream that he does ...)

speaking of which ... husband is currently in a job that he dislikes.
but, like i tell him ... "you picked it! it's not my fault that you decided that being a pilot would be fun. it's not my fault that you fell in love with me and decided to have 2 children. it's not my fault that you thought that you could be a not-tied-down single pilot jetsetting around the world. now could you please stop and pick up some milk on the way home?"
he has a "crash pad" in new york city. which would be totally cool ... if it wasn't a room in a random house where about 20 other male pilots live. and the only extra set of sheets that we weren't using at our real house (so, therefore, the ones that had to travel to nyc with him) were rainbow colored. and scratchy. which i'm sure makes him look totally rockin' at the crash pad.

me ... well. is there really much to talk about? i wish i could finally lose the baby-weight. (screw you ... i'm still gonna call it baby-weight ... i don't give a shit that said-baby is almost two.)
which is kinda not really fun because a bunch of "friends" and i are trying to hold each other more accountable by checking in with each other at our websites. and email. which means that i could completely lie ... but won't
did i mention??, i blog now. (time suck that it is.)
i, now, have a bunch of new internet based friends. which my husband considers totally weird ... because i have never met a single one of them.
by the way ... don't ask for the address ... then i can't complain about you online. really. it wouldn't be good.
i sincerely like my job and absolutely hate my job. all! atthe! same! time! which perpetuates a lot of confused emotion on a daily basis. in all actuality, i really only love my job during extended holiday breaks. most days ... we are running at least 10 minutes behind and i have managed to yell at one or both of my children by 7:00 am.
i think that my pitfall is in the mindset that ... after i put my children in the care of someone else (who may or may not be more competent than i, at times...) then i go and take care of other people's children. say what?? it does sound a wee bit silly when it's put like that, doesn't it?

i'm sure the coconutbelly zoo (aka the animals overrunning our home due to this mama's maternal needs during pregnancies) is happy to see us leave, most mornings. i'm guessing they mostly sleep. on the illegal couch. or in the tree.

speaking of which. would someone please drive by the house to make sure that the tree is still standing? and that i turned off the christmas lights? thanks!

looking forward to sleeping in 2009!
and wishing you a less chaotic than ours and more rested than ours holiday and new year.

peace.
--coconutbelly

before i forget ...

because it makes me giggle.

someone (in british columbia - darn canukidans.) came upon my blog through the search phrase ...

how to keep lint sticking from my lulu pants

oh yeah.

i have no idea what they were really after with that one. pretty sure i wasn't it though ... and neither was my post about belly starting dance class. at this point ... i'm a wee bit thankful to have switched off the ability to google me. it was a teeny bit scary seeing what would bring people here.

so, now it's just you and me ... pull up a seat, grab a cup of coffee (if it's morning), take a swig of tequila (if it's evening) or vice versa ... what's up?

by the way ... someone forgot to cc me on the message that ... it! is! december! ALREADY! ? crap.
holy granola batman ... i have a lot to do.

and to all of my canadian readers: canukidan is a term of endearment. i used to live with a canukidan ... and to this day ... she is one of the most wonderful people i have ever known.