(not-quite) wordless saturday.

i know that title doesn't make any sense.
but it's what felt right this morning.

and i'm trying to teach myself to trust my instincts.
in (practically) everything that i do.

an interview with my daughters. and not finn. because he would just answer gaga. or mama. or dada.

a while back ... i interviewed the girly girls with these same questions ... here is stella's responses (march 9, 2009).
i thought it might be fun to try it again.
apparently i didn't learn the first time.

it's hard to do!  kinda like pulling teeth at times ...

but ... it'll be fun to look back on someday ... here are their more recent responses!

1. what is something mama always says to you?
cora ... i don't know.  happy birthday.
stella ... i love you.


2. what makes mommy happy?
cora ... when we sit on the bunk bed sitting on our butts.  (butts or knees on the top bunk is a requirement in our house!)
stella ... when you like to be with us

3. what makes mom sad?
cora ... if we put a purple top on that yellow glass i didn't use milk in and the big cup that's why that spills that make mommy sad.  (one day i took a shower.  oops.  i swear it was 3 minutes long.  and the girls managed to make chocolate and strawberry WATER.  and put the wrong tops on the glasses and spilled chocolate and strawberry water all. over. my. wood. floors.  uck.  yeah.  that made mommy sad.)
stella ... when we hit you.  (or anyone!)

4. how does your mama make you laugh?
cora ... i don't know.  funny songs.
stella ... tickle me.

5. what was your mommy like as a child?
cora ... you was a little baby girl.  a little baby girl chew on some things you like.
stella ... horse back riding.

6. how old is your mom?
cora ... four, mommy.
stella ... 33.  (ah. good.  somebody pays attention!)

7. how tall is your mama?
cora ... like that. like this ... up to the sky.
stella ... i would need to measure you.  how about i say ... i don't know.  (that's my stellers.  a rigid rule follower.  wouldn't want to be wrong!)

8. what is mommy's favorite thing to do?
cora ... read my books.
stella ... um ... be with us.
... you're both right.

9. what does your mom do when you're not around?
cora ... you play with my toys - my baby dolls.
stella ... clean dishes.

10. if your mama becomes famous, what will it be for?
cora ... having fun with me.
stella ... i don't know.  a tv show.

11. what is your mommy really good at?
cora ... painting with me.
stella ... coloring animals.

12. what is your mom not very good at?
cora ... pushing me higher.
stella ... hula hooping.

13. what does your mama do for her job?
cora ... paint.
stella ... speech pathologist.

14. what is your mommy's favorite food?
cora ... applesauce.
stella ... what is your favorite food?  chicken?

15. what is your mom's favorite thing to drink?
cora ... milk.
stella ... soy milk.

16. what makes you proud of your mama?
cora ... happy.
stella ... when you are happy.

17. if your mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be?
cora ... a fix cartoon.
stella ... um ... there's already that ... hmmm ... it's hard.  freddy's mom from icarly.

18. what do you and your mom do together?
cora ... we play baby dolls.
stella ... go to d.q.

19. how are you and your mama the same?
cora ... our lips.
stella ... i don't know.  both blue eyes.

20. how are you and your mommy different?
cora ... i don't like coffee and you do.
stella ... hair.

21. how do you know your mom loves you?
cora ... i'm super big.
stella ... when you give me a kiss.

22. what chore does mama not like to do?
cora ... vaccuuming.
stella ... clean dishes.

23. where is your mommy's favorite place to go?
cora ... minnesota zoo.  a zoo mama.  a zoo.
stella ... go to the zoo with me daddy and cora and finn.
... apparently i make it obvious that i like to go to the zoo!

24. how do you know mommy loves daddy?
cora ... because i'm a smart girl.
stella ... 'cause you guys kiss.  (hee hee hee)

25. what is something that your mama wishes for?
cora ... more baby dolls.
stella ... dad here when he's flying.

i heart faces ... smirk.

how often have you said ...
don't you gimme that smirk ...
??

i'm pretty sure those words come out of my mouth, um ... weekly. 
or maybe more often.
hello?  six year old in da house.

but when i first read about this i {heart} faces challenge.  i drew a complete blank.
which is pretty astonishing. 
me.  blank. 

so i googled it.
"what does a smirk look like?"
(because isn't that what everyone would do?)

and i came across a yahoo answers page.  and the response was ... "It's kind of a smile on one side of your mouth, with the eyebrows lowered in the center of your forehead. Hope this helps. Think of the expression you make when you say "Yeah, right". Hope this helps."

which totally cleared it up for me. 
though still left me with tons o' confusion about which picture to choose.
so?

i settled.
on stellers.
(again.)

who put up with me attempting to get back-to-school photos of her.  amidst breaks in a rain storm and dreams of finding an old school-house to shoot at. 

anyone know where i can find one of those?

and this is her.
just kinda putting up with me. 
a half smile ... with a yeah, right. face.
whatever, mom.

visit here  ...  for more smirk-ish entries!

and the picture i really wanted to enter in the vroomvroom challenge.

because ...
even though it's not the best photographically photographed picture.

my kitty is in the background ... jazz.  who has always been called zoomzoom as she runs through the house.
and you can see the boy's recycling truck.

and ...

didjaseethat?
that's my boy.
c.r.a.w.l.i.n.g.
(kinda)
(almost)

he manages the all-fours-position. 
and then he moves the hands and the knees ... in a not-so-coordinated manner. 
and then eventually lays on his tum and pulls himself across the wood floors.

but still.
mobile.
save me.

vroom vroom - an i {heart} faces challenge.

if you've been around here long enough ... you might remember this post ...
for those of you that are never gonna click on over ... the boring version:
a letter to finn.
just a bit before he was born.
in which i promised to buy him this recycling truck someday ... because "it's a little more my style than monster trucks and race cars"

so now?
you will understand why this picture makes me so unbelieveably happy.

my boy.  my blue.  and his recycling truck.  complete with his vw bus shirt with finn on the license plate.  that matches daddy's. 

daddy's shirt.  not daddy's vw bus.  though i really wish.

have i ever mentioned my desire to drive a vw bus that has been beautified by that show pimp my ride?
never gonna happen.

but a girl can dream, can't she?

our vroom vroom picture is being entered over at i {heart} faces this week ... and if you follow them on facebook ... which you should ... you can see some of the wonderfully creative and amazing entries that have graced this challenge. 




check them out ... HERE!

cute baby alert ... a double up post.

decided to post this here too. 

although you CAN click over here to see it as well ...

(that "here" is my not-at-all-complete photography site where i'm posting sneak peeks and such.)

but i just wanted to give you all a chance to see these too ...

i love babies.

don't you?

i did warn you.

... cute baby alert ...

this, my friends, is baby bryson.

the sweet new little baby boy of two of our dear friends.

who graciously allowed me to photograph him.

it's a good thing that my husband is neutered now.

because this kinda makes me want another baby.

so if i can't have more little babies ...

i just want to be able to take pictures of them.

he made the sweetest. cutest. funniest. little faces.

though i couldn't get him to stop snuggling his cheeks into the blankies.

so. sweet.

congratulations to the whole family!

thank you so much for letting me meet your little man and capture this moment in your lives ...

and sometimes even with a really nice camera you can get crappy pictures.

because you don't take the time to adjust this and that and the other thing.

and you just press the shutter button.

(while ignoring the broken blinds that need. to. be. gone. and the coats hanging in the background.  from last winter.)

because a baby waves.

and a mama's heart ...

melts.

much too big.

the boy is asleep.  he has been for an hour or so.  peacefully nestled to sleep in my arms while nursing (even though i know the books tell me not to) and carefully set into his crib so as not to disturb him.
this strategically planned move allows me extra arms with which to cuddle the bigger ones before bed.

we read books.  and then i give into the please-just-one-more? plea. 

and we read another.
and if you don't tell my husband or the parenting advice people ... maybe another.

i usher the girly-girls to their beds.  kissing and hugging stella as she climbs her ladder.

love you.  sleep tight.  sweet dreams.

i lay quietly with cora ... whispering "not-time-for-talking-now"s and hushes into her ears as her eyes drift closed.

i hear stella rustling above us.

and so i make the rare climb of the ladder to lay with her for a few minutes before attending to my after-the-children-are-asleep-duties.

i lay quietly next to her and lay my arm across her body.

i realize i haven't done this enough.

i don't give her this time anymore.

i rarely have this time to give.

i take it all in.  i feel her heels click against my shins (when did she get that tall?).  she's all ribs and hips (where did those come from?).  she doesn't smell of baby shampoo anymore (more a mixture of dirt and sweat and crayons).

when did all of this happen?

where the hell have i been?

i remember holding her in the hospital as i was being discharged.  i remember someone in the elevator asking me her name.  i remember crying when i said ... stella.  i had dreamed of her for so long.  i could not believe that she was in my arms.  i wanted to hold her forever. 

and now.  six years and some odd months and days later ... i cry again.
the tears silently fall upon her pillow. 
she has no idea that i lay next to her and cry. 
she's just thankful that i took the time to lay there.

honestly, did you see that face?

that cannot be the face of my baby.

editing eats up a lot of time.

i've been so busy editing.  this giganto family photo shoot.  my family's. 
(can you spot me??)

and i have a newborn shoot to edit still! (i love babies. have i ever mentioned that? and taking pictures of them makes my heart feel happy.)

with a group this big ...
it's so hard to make sure that everyone is PERFECT.  especially when you are IN the picture too!  i got really really close on a few shots. 
but these edits are killing me! 
so in work.  and kids.  and fun.  and sleep.  and ... oh yeah ... housework.  i'm trying to make the imperfections disappear so that everyone has an amazing picture in the end. 

want to know why i'm so anal about this one?
because in april of 2009 ... i promised my grandma that we would have family portraits taken again.  the last time we had done it was in 1996.  her picture that she proudly hangs on her wall had several people that were no longer part of the family.  and didn't include so many of the new little ones ...

a month later.  my aunt was killed in a car accident.

and ever since ... we haven't mentioned a family picture.  because it feels wrong in my heart to not have her there.  even though i know it's just that much more important that we do it. 

so ... this one ... of my husband's family means so. much.  to me. 

and i'll have to get over the frustration of editing to attempt another picture with my family. 

because it's super important.
and maybe a little difficult.

(oh.  and dear family.  i promise.  this is not the best of the best.  and it is not the picture that you will end up with in the end.  k?  xoxo.  love, me.)

an actual textversation between my dad and i.

alternately titled ... it's amazing that i turned out normal with genes like these.
alternately alternately titled ... dear husband.  this may or may not be why i occasionally go over my allotted # of texts in a month.

my dad has recently developed a fondness for these ...

long handled woofahs.

yes.
you read that right ... it's called a woofah.  right right RIGHT??
just stick with me here.  oh.  and bytheway ... it's my blog. 

so, yeah.  dad loves his woofah.
(say it aloud.  woofah ... woofah ... woo! fah!  so. much. more. fun.)

poor dad couldn't remember what these things were called a few weeks back ... and so my sister and i kindly helped jog his vocabulary memory - woofah - while giggling ... and offering to bring him to a store so that he can ask where the woofahs are. 

not because we told him the wrong word ... just because we are SO very helpful. 

he didn't take us up on that offer ... yet. 
though now?  he might just have to.  here's why ...

late last night i received a text from my sister indicating that dad "is showering at my house."  which generally takes an hour or so.  which i believe has a lot to do with the woofahs.  oh yes.  there are two.  the long handled variety.  and the infamous woofah on a wope.

i make that assumption because my showers last a total of 2 minutes.  probably because. i. don't. use. woofahs.

and a few hours later a picture text arrived with the message ... "dad forgot his woofah handle"

this is where it went from there ... i decided to inquire about whether or not dad realized that he forgot his woofah handle.

me ... got woofah?
dad ... ??

me ... apparently you mysteriously left just the handle of a woofah at lulu's house.
dad ... stepped on it.

me ... or maybe you were violently woofah-ing.

dad ...i was using it to get wax out of my ear, sneezed, and when i, without thinking about the woofah in my ear, tried to cover my nose with my hand, i snapped the woo
dad (take two) ... fah handle off in my ear.

me ... you were using your woofah in your ear?  wtf?

dad ... yes, so what, i stopped using bent paper clips cuz they break off in my ear.  happy days are here again ...

me to my sister lulu ... i think we need to have a woofah intervention with dad.

and then back to dad ... how the hell do you fit a woofah in. your. ear.?
dad ... i use razor blades to carve the handle into a thin, sharp-edged, rod that i can get deep into my ear and i scrape the wax out.  i'm saving it and am going to mak
dad (take two) ... e candles for xmas gifts this year.

me ... that's just plain gross.
dad ... you asked.

me ... stella said we don't need any candles.  and yes.  i told her the entire story.  so now she is completely aware of you and your weirdness.
dad ... leave my grandkids out of this...

alternately alternately alternately titled ... these are the kinds of things that help me get through a first week back at school with a smile on my face.