Thursday, January 21, 2010

sun / son ...

nothing like having a giant pregnant lady's belly glaring at you from your computer screen on a quiet afternoon, huh?

i can't believe i just posted that picture on here for the entire world of internets to see.
whew.  i look a little bit like a house. 

a few days ago ... husband saw me standing in the sunlight in my pajamas with that giant gourd of a belly hanging all out and grabbed my camera.  if you looked really closely at the original picture ... you can see that he focused in on my b00b ... and the belly was a bit out of focus. 


it was nothing that a little editing and a conversion to black and white couldn't handle.

and after he took the picture ... he told me that it needed to be called ... sun / son. 
well ... actually he didn't say the /.  maybe he meant ... sun-son.  or sun ... son.  or potentially even (sun)(son).
i'm thinking he had an immediate thought that it was blog worthy material. 
and i realize now ... that i absolutely need to record some of these things that are in my head before i go into labor and forget everything.  because at this point in the game ... i absolutely just want to moan and complain and erase these last few weeks from my mind and body.  but i need to force myself to remember the good little things too.

so here goes ... a letter to my unborn son ...

hey little guy.
i'm still kinda getting used to calling someone my son.  it's hard.  i was so expecting to be a mama to all girls.  pink everywhere.  dolls everywhere.  drama ... everywhere.

and then you came along.  a bit of a surprise ... but a good one.  and the news that you were blue instead of pink threw us all for a loop.  but we've gotten used to it. 

and i've folded all of your clothes.  and i've made you a quilt.  and i've realized that the nursery that held both of my girls ... yet still maintains the same wall color ... is not periwinkle anymore ... it's blue.  and it was just waiting for you.

we've all been waiting for you.  we just didn't always know it. 

people always say they knew when their family was complete.  and i've felt so comfortable knowing that you are going to be the little blue caboose to our train.  it feels just right.  and good.  and perfectly suitable for our little family.

i can't wait to know more about who you are.  but here are my guesses about the person that you will be.  and a little bit about the person that you already are.

... you aren't hurrying to join us.  which, to me ... means laid back ... surfer dude ... comfortable where you are ... easy going personality.
... you don't like being squished during a contraction.  i hope that indicates a person that doesn't want to be molded to be like what society wants them to be.  an individual. 
... you like to have your bottom rubbed.  and when you had a bit more room than you have today ... your big sisters could rub my belly and you would wiggle over to where-ever their hand was ...
... you move most when you hear your sisters giggle.  it's a good thing they do it so often.
... you are going to be so overwhelmingly loved.  you are quickly approaching your entrance to a family with three mamas.  get ready.
... you like chomping on ice.  or i do.  or maybe you like the sound of it ... i'm not sure.  (it's one of the things that makes me so excited for labor.  an ice machine just down the hall.  it's the little things.)
... silly ... but i'm so intrigued to see your relationship with skye-dog.  ever since we adopted her ... she's had this thing for little boys.  she perks up when she sees them.  i can't wait until she meets you.  you'll love her ... i'm sure of it.
... i'm crabby.  all the time.  lately.  and seriously?  i'm not that kind of person usually ... i promise.  c'mon out and i'll show you.  there's something about the pain and pressure and fear that makes me louder than i usually am. 
... i came across a quote and picture the other day that mentioned something about loving a son ... oh ... hold on ... i'll go look for it ... here it is ...

there has never been a day when i have not been proud of you,
i said to my son
 though some days i’m louder about other stuff so it’s easy to miss that.
-- brian andreas

... i wanted to buy that picture ... but ... it'll have to wait. 
... you will be handsome.  just like your daddy.  blonde haired, blue eyed. 
... but if your personality is a little more mommy and a little less type a daddy ... i think we'll all be a little happier.
... and i promise to buy you this someday. it's a little more my style than monster trucks and race cars.

and more than anything ...
know that you are loved

it may have taken me a bit of getting used to the idea of boy.  and it may have taken me awhile to realize that a little raspberry in the middle of my chocolate truffle might just be a good thing.

confused, yet?
read what my friend pamela wrote to me on this post ... at a time when i was still tearing up at the idea of blue.

Pamela said...
I was absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt convinced Olivia was a boy. In fact, Jon announced, "It's an Olivia!!!" and I responded, "Check again."

And I love her. Obviously.

And I was hoping for a girl, being the only girl in my family, I wanted to see what the whole 'sister thing' was about.

Jack? is a boy.
Henry? also boy.
Elliott? yeah. XY.

Boys are like this: Say you're a chocolate lover, because, well, duh, of course you are. And you have your two little blue-eyed chocolate truffles that you savor day in and day out. You soak up their smell, you lick the melty goodness off your fingers.

Then, one day, someone offers you a chocolate truffle with a fruity inside. And you think, oh, no way, Jose, I really only love my chocolate truffles. How do they even get the smooth raspberry goodness in a truffle anyway?

But then, after a while, you find yourself being totally intrigued by the idea of having a little nom-nom on the raspberry truffle. And what do you know?!?!?! It's *ALSO* your favorite. But instead of being your favorite chocolate truffle, it's your favorite raspberry chocolate truffle.

Girls are nice, but there is nothing like a lovey boy child. Boys love them some mama, like nobody's business.

it still makes me cry.
like right now.

i love you ... little boy blue.  i always have and always will. 
i'll just have to get used to the trucks and baseballs and boy-ness.

so ... please?  come on out soon so that i can hold your warmth in my arms.  i'm ready for the challenge.  i'm so ready for you.  we all are.

love, your mama.


CC said...

wonderful picture, wonderful play on words and amazing letter.

When we were waiting for our children to come home, I wrote letters to them faithfully. Now, not so much......

Raising Z said...

I am crying like a baby right now. That was beautiful. As a momma of a little boy, I can tell you it is the best!!!! He loves his momma so much and I have really enjoyed learning all about trains, trucks and dinosaurs. So much fun!!!

It is my new little girl that I am not sure what to do with :) I am not much of a girly girl so we will have to see what she becomes. Right now she is my little love who brightens my day with her little smile.

Enjoy the last few days!

Kelly said...

Wow that was beautiful! !! Love your use of homophones::
Enjoy your last days as a family of 4 1/2 :)

Christine said...

Oh beautiful. I never thought a little BOY would be so wonderful, not with my girls, but then there was Noah. Oh, Noah, he is mine in ways the girls just aren't. I love all my kids endlessly, but Noah....there is just something about him. Your little guy will turn your world around. Good luck, hon, and enjoy it all (well, maybe not the labor, but everything else...).

~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said...

One of my favorite posts, Jen. I feel like I am vicariously having this baby with you after reading this post. I'm so happy for you!

Upstatemomof3 said...

Oh my goodness!! That made me tear up. I love being the mama to a boy. That's not to say my girls are not awesome because they are. But there really is just something special about your baby boy. They are so incredibly sweet!!

Lorri said...

Beautifully, wonderfully written! As the mother of 3 wonderful girls turned women, I was a little thrown by the arrival of two grandSONS in our pink midst. But many blue and truck and race car purchases later I can't honestly remember why I thought grand-girls were my hearts desire.

Casey said...

Aww, this was so sweet. And that picture was adorable, don't mock it. You look AWESOME pregnant. Really.

I had a hard time when we found out that Elliot was a girl... I was hoping for two boys but you know what? She's awesome and perfect and i wouldn't have it any other way.

Here's to your little boy blue.

Brookie said...

You make my heart smile. Little Boy Blue will be blowing his horn and dancing with you soon.

athena said...

sobbing. weeping. gah. stop it.