am i crazy?

so, belly apparently kissed up to mommy today by telling me several times..."you are the best mommy in the world". yep...i fell for it.

and i have agreed to let her have a sleep over tonight.

oh, i'm sure all y'all out there in blog-land have let your children have numerous sleep-overs by the ripe ol' age of 4. but. being that i don't wish belly's sleep habits upon anyone, i must explain. and on the same token, i'm assuming that none most of you don't have a lil'one with sleep habits like mine.

belly started sleeping through the night at 3 - T.H.R.E.E. - 3. seriously. she's my thinker. she thinks about everything all the time. i'm becoming accustomed to answering questions such as - what is the name of chelsea's (a cousin's) busdriver? - at 11:00 at night. i've since learned the answer...and she's still not an every night, all night sleeper.

so, i recently bribed convinced her that if she slept through the night for a certain number of nights (aka mommy gets more sleep)...she could have a sleep-over with her best friend. (no really, they are BEST friends - they've known each other since the age of 1. they are kinda like twin sisters, but...without the same parents.)

so, am i crazy? i'll post evidence of the bottle of wine that i might have to consume later.

keep in mind, daddy is flying this weekend...and i have a one-year old that still likes to wake up...unless i just bring her in bed with me...hmmmmm...that might be the answer.

stay tuned.

i do more than you do.

seriously, does it really matter?

i just deleted a really looooooong post (that i've been writing and rewriting for WAY too long) about an ever-occuring argument discussion my husband and i have about who does more in the household, why i think things must be harder for me because he's a pilot and gone 4 days per week and i have to take care of everything by myself when he's gone and why i think i'm right and blah blah blah.

and then...

i just completely deleted the ENTIRE thing. gone.

it felt really good to get it off my chest, to make my point. part of me wanted to have y'all out there read it and back me up. but the other part of me realized that it is a much more personal issue than i have ever addressed on my blog to this point. and, although, it feels like i'm just writing to myself...there will be people that will read this. and i don't have a crappy husband. i don't want anyone out there thinking that i do. he's awesome. he's great. he is the love of my life. he has loved me when i'm not really sure that i've loved myself.

now, i know why i deleted it. it's between him and me. it's something that we need to discuss over a quiet (did you hear that??) dinner date...that hopefully involves something yummy and a bottle of wine.

we need to figure out how not to get into a role of tag-team parenting and household chores. we need to figure out how to not emphasize what the other is NOT doing. and just be thankful that we have someone to do THIS with. we parent differently, we do the house-stuff differently...we make a great team. let's keep it that way.

tick-tock...tick-tock...

ever have one of those days where time seems to be S-L-O-W-L-Y creeping by? and you keep looking at the clock, hoping that the time will be something close to 5:00 so that you could start dinnertime? or hoping that, perhaps, you missed it and it's now 6;30 - close enough to start baths?
which means that the babes will be able to be in bed by 7:00????????

instead...it is still only four.two.four. (according to belly). and both coconut and belly are crying - coconut ran into the door frame as she was chasing belly and then belly ran into the chair i'm sitting on as i was consoling coconut.

i want to defend my offspring by saying that they are both TIRED we are ALL TIRED...too much horse-showing/visiting with friends/swimming/playing for one weekend. however, i know that, quite honestly, my children are just really clumsy.

more about our fun weekend later...right now i'm gonna start dinner and get this show on the road!

UPDATE - by five we had dinner, by six we were out of the bath and nursing, and by seven - two girls ASLEEP! i'm praying that they stay asleep at least until it gets dark out...then they just might be fooled into thinking it IS actually nighttime! keep your fingers crossed!

UP-UPDATE - seriously...i'm never doing that again. they were up ALL NIGHT LONG. constantly. it was so not worth it. sleep is for wimps. and apparently, i'm a wimp...because i. need. sleep.

countdown.

after that lengthy post, i feel a little like saying something short and sweet. but instead i will probably ramble on and on...primarily because i don't get the chance to do that to anyone else...and you (though there aren't many of YOU) don't really get a choice as to what i get to say. however, you can just move on...that's your choice.
but for now...
the countdown to the end of the school year is definitely moving forward.
YIPEE!
i think i enjoy summer vacation more as a working adult than i did as a student...

i'm feeling rather mediocre, thank you for asking...

wow...
so apparently, it all starts here...for those of you that WON'T follow that link: several bloggers are included in a group called alltops (basically the cream of the crop...those bloggers whose sites get more traffic than some busy intersection - no time to get creative with the similies/methaphors/whatever) she decided to create this - allmediocre.com
i, jokingly mind you, asked them if they were thinking of creating another group for those of us that are even lower than that...such as allireallywantissomeonetoreadthisandoccasionallycomment
they responded with the welcome to join in on the fun! i've really never felt quite so happy letting everyone know that i'm mediocre! oh yeah, and then i got all full of myself and asked them to list my name in all lowercase letters. seriously, who do i think i am?? but, they obliged...thanks guys!

so, this got me thinking...

this mediocre business...that's really what blogging is all about to me. no, not the allmediocre group, per se. but the feeling of mediocrity in general. i began this journey reading blogs corresponding with my topics of interest because it was fun to see how other people do what they do. it was fun to see their beautiful pictures. it was fun to read their stories (kind of a reality television, without the television) eventually, i started commenting and reading comments and visiting other people's blogs through comments and i realized i'm not alone.

there are other people out there that get pissed off at their husbands for stupid little things that don't really matter in the long run.

there are other people out there that LOVE their children with all of their heart and soul...but don't always LOOOOVE everything their children do.

there are other people that have bladder control issues since having children - especially during sneezes and coughing episodes.

there are other people out there that don't have a perfect house or a perfect job or a perfect refrigerator or a perfectly "served" dinner each night.

i really am NOT alone.

So often in this world, we tend to reflect on people's faults. what makes them different from us. what we don't like about them. we tend to harp on other people's ideas and reasonings for doing the things that they feel are right for them and their family. we feel that we are doing it right, so anything different must be wrong. we think that something that is happening to us must be abnormal because no one else talks about it. we meet people on the street that we instantly judge because of how their children are acting/not acting. we see mom's on the playground that are sitting on a bench and we judge because "wow, look at me, i'm actually interacting with my child". we potentially mistake the person in front of us in line who has screaming children and remark that "that is why i put my kids to bed early!" do we really know why they are doing what they are doing?

maybe the mom with the child that is acting up is actually a child with autism. that "acting up" is really just his indication that the world is waaaaaay too overstimulating right now and he needs to get out of there.

maybe the mom that is sitting on the bench is 8 weeks pregnant with her second baby and is dead tired...taking her little preschooler to the playground was better than him running amok in the house while she fell asleep on the couch.

maybe the mom with the screaming kids in the line late at night has been in the hospital all day with her husband and just got home and realized that they were out of milk...but never noticed because her husband is just barely staying alive and that was consuming her attention at the time.

you know... i think it's time that we celebrate our mediocrity. we should encourage each other to just do the best that you can. we should continue to let each other have glimpses into our lives so that maybe another mommy out there will realize that she's not alone, either. i truly think i've become a better mommy, a understanding wife and a more confident person through blogging...because i know that i'm mediocre - which in another way of thinking is... just. average. and i'm totally ok with that.

pairs well with chix noodle casserole.

"what are you serving for dinner tonight?" was what i was asked as i sauntered into the wine shop.
"i'm just looking," was my reply.

--i was not about to ask him what type of wine paired well with chicken noodle casserole...
--i was not about to let him walk me to the most expensive bottle of wine on the shelf.
--and, honestly...that question seemed so...1960s...it kinda bugged. me - serving? i don't SERVE dinner...i try my darndest to get out of work at a reasonable time so that i can run to the grocery store, grab something and get home ASAP, throw it together, throw it in the oven and try to get something else to scrounge up that might go with it and get it on the table before anyone starts complaining. i don't think that is SERVING, in any sense of the word.

really, truly, i was just trying to get something on the table that wouldn't make anyone puke - so we were going for BLAND.
i was just trying to get some chocolate brownies made so that i could resume my chocolate eating habits (had to cut that out while sick) - and i bought m-n-ms (how do you type that word?) to put on top for extra chocolateyness.
AND i just wanted a bottle of wine so that i could find some amount of creative energy to *unwind* after dealing with sick kids and mom's dog peeing on my floor. not to mention, i needed to thank husband for coming home to help take care of us...even though last night i got really pissed at him for not helping me when he didn't know i'd asked. and i actually said to him, "i'm really regretting calling you home...i should have just done this myself...like i do - all. the. time." oops.

ugh. i ended up with a reisling that had really pretty flowers on the bottle. it went relatively nicely with all of the above. and it didn't even read, "pairs nicely with chicken noodle casserole" or "pairs well with trying to make up to husband after being a crab-apple" on the back. lucky me.

popsicles...

that is just about the only thing that we can keep down in our house right now. ugh.
can you believe ALL of us are sick at the same time?? i kinda think i'm on the mend (fingers crossed)...and jeremy is working (figures). ugh...these are the times that i hate that he is a pilot. this is when i can hardly keep us afloat...not sure if i should be comforting the baby who is crying unconsolably or holding belly's hair while she pukes.
argh. we'll get better soon...but until then...
it's popsicles, popsicles, popsicles.
mmmm.

mommy (s).

wow...it seems that i haven't had much to say this past week. when in reality it was just a busy week (even though i did mention several times that i should blog about this or that).

and i couldn't bear to put something in front of that last picture of cora immediately after being born. that picture so accurately portrays the raw emotion and love that occurs after a baby is born. it's not a pretty picture by any means. but it is my favorite picture of her birth. and it takes every inch of me back to that very moment in time. i feel that deep instinct of love all over again. it's like seeing a dream fulfilled.

on another note. my mom is in the hospital. super sucks. she has a falls risk bracelet on...that kinda makes me laugh, not because it's funny...but because it's so real. (anything written on jewelry seems real to me). she was sick last weekend and over the week developed pain during walking. by thursday she couldn't walk at all and was brought to the emergency room. (happy mother's day). she's been at the hospital since thursday. luckily (dare i say that?) we found out that she has diabetes. my mom is a strong, willful and determined lady. i think that she will accept that diagnosis and the dietary changes that are going to be necessary to control it. i also think that she loves her granddaughters (and us) so much that she WILL control it, in order to be more healthy for them. we're not sure at this point, what the walking pain is from...infection, arthritis, a combination of both?? but, i think she's getting better - or is that just the pain meds :). hopefully she'll be going home soon. lucky us...we get to keep henry (the dog) a little while longer. - like my house wasn't busy enough, but it's the least i can do...she's my mommy. -

mother's day. (besides my mom being in the hospital). it was good. stella pulled out the cards that out-of-town daddy had hidden in her shirt drawer (needless to say - i found them the day after he left when i was getting her dressed - did he not think i was going to put a shirt on her this week?) anyhoo...i "hid" them again...and she pulled them out yesterday and brought them to me in bed (she was pretty insistent that i must be IN BED for the opening of the cards). honestly, i just thought i was getting cards...husband (and the girls) had inserted a gift card for a spa day! and not just a little spa day - a HUGE spa day. i cannot wait. i'm gonna get a massage - a pedicure - maybe a manicure. we'll see. they circled the hawaiian massage, manicure and pedicure...but we'll see. i might mix it up a bit. doesn't a hawaiian massage sound lovely? i'll describe it in more detail later.

another note. my best friend - the new mother...was sending her mommy back home after, i think, close to 3 weeks of having her around to help with the new little baby S. i really feel for her. they have a great relationship and her mom is so wonderful. i really hope things are going well...and i can't wait to visit. so many new babies and mommies around us lately. baby fever.

happy mother's day to all.

"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body..." -- Elizabeth Stone

1 year old...

hi coconut.

you are one year old today and i can hardly believe it!

in keeping with my birthday blog themes...

here is one big reason why i love you...

I LOVE YOUR LAUGH.

you giggle and laugh all the time, you have a deep laugh when you find something to be really funny (most often centered around your big sister), you are so ticklish and giggle when we even mention it. your laughter has brought so much more laughter into this house. you make us giggle all the time. you can break a bad mood with your silliness or a single word. (and you find yourself just as funny!) thank you for making us smile more.

through the years, i hope that you keep your happy carefree attitude. i hope that you laugh more than you cry. i hope that you live life with a smile and the realization that the glass is always half full.

i love you sunshine...thank you for being my little girl.

almost...almost...

hey baby...

are you really gonna be one tomorrow? are you?

i can't believe how much you (and i) have grown over this past year...

exactly one year ago...right now...

- i had just heard the pop pop pop of my water breaking

- i immediately had a overwhelming feeling of fear and excitement and nervousness and urgency

- i wondered how i was ever going to be able to take care of two

- i couldn't figure out how i was going to take both of you to target (who sits where in the cart?)

- i was telling daddy to call boppa (just in case...ha ha ha)

- i was calling my AMAZING midwife to get her ready

- i was attempting to take a shower to see if that would ease things up

- i couldn't believe that i was going to be in the hospital at the same time as your auntie (and brand new cousin a - who was born on the second)

- i was trying to breathe between contractions that seemed to be jumping atop each other

- i had no idea how fast and furious this labor would be

- i was dying to meet you and see you and hold you and kiss you

i was on my way to being a mommy of two...i am so lucky to have you, my little coconut. you really are growing in front of my eyes, right now...

- you seem to LOVE elephants...you make an elephant noise whenever you hear the E word

- you say "oh" and pat people on the back during hugs

- you put up one pointer finger when people say you are gonna be one

- you clap whenever someone says "good job" or "yeah!"

- you dance whenever someone sings "we're following the leader, the leader, the leader..."

- you are saying SO MANY words - new words everyday!

- you love taking a bath, you crawl towards the bathroom as soon as bathtime is mentioned

- you love talking to daddy on the phone...but you mainly just push buttons

- you twirl your hair when you are shy or nervous

- you love to cuddle in the morning when you wake up

- you still love to nurse

mommy-hood...

i just came across this contest...
your picture is worth a thousand words dollars motherhood contest...through 5 minutes for mom and eggbeaters. they asked readers to submit pictures that show what motherhood means to them.
i am entering these two pictures...(i just can't make up my mind - thoughtful or real...oooo the tough decisions i must make!)
the first...


this is motherhood at it's finest. the first moment of big sister meeting little sister. i cried and cried the moment that they met, truly met, for the first time. it was as if this dream that i had been waiting and wishing for, was unfolding in front of my eyes. it was watching two best friends meet for the first time, knowing how special their relationship will be, at a time when they really have no idea what is in store. it was seeing the truest sparkle in big sister's eyes at the wonderment of a new baby.


and next...

a real MOMMY moment...trying to get a cute picture of both of the girls when baby is trying to squirm away and toddler is showing an uncomfortable face because she has to go potty and mommy asked her to "please please just wait wait there one more minute hold on to her tighter hey hey baby smile peek-a-boo peek-a-boo baby no no belly look at mommy ...i've almost got it..." oops. needless to say, immediately after this picture was taken, mommy grabbed her purse, left the stroller on the hill and we ran to the nearest restroom...

hope mommy-hood is as bright for you as it is for me! (and just think how much brighter things would look with 1000 extra doll-hairs!) it is definitely something that i wouldn't change for the world...(or extra sleep). the no sleep rather sucks...but i'll take it any day over not having them. i love you girly-girls...you make me a better person.