where i've been.

over the last month ... i have had this unbelieveable privilage of spending some time with some really amazing and wonderful and talented ladies in an online workshop.

ha.  workshop.  that doesn't even begin to describe what this was to me.

this is sheye.  do you know her yet?  if you don't.  you should. 
her workshop - click here ... i would recommend it in a heartbeat.

is amazing.  it's like paying a minimal fee to be given an unbelieveable amount of supportive like-minded people that give you boosts of confidence.  and give you critique in the most-nice of ways.  and they encourage you to do things like this.

which is a quick glimpse of the me ... right now.  with a sleeping baby on my lap.  studying her class on my laptop.  my camera manual to the side and my girly-girls sharing their halloween candy ...

 and this.


a glimpse of the old me.  through an opportunity that i put together to have my stellers feeding an apple to a horse that i trained when i was much much younger. 

 and this.

an attempt at capturing joy.  in my stella ...

and these ... my backup attempts at finding joy in all of my children.

which is funny.  because what i really found?
was joy in me.

and i've realized through all of this amazing interaction that these images are all me.  magnified. 

i am more energized and excited and scared of this photography piece of me than i have ever been.  i still don't know if i'm ready to officially call myself a photographer.  but i've most definitely become a manual using eye opened finder of the beauty-full things in life.

and it is near impossible to find a way to say thank you to these women for something so big.

oh.  and i've been over here some more too.  babies.  and baby bumps.  and families.  so.much.fun.

sometimes you just have to shake it.

we finished our boring dinner of french toast and bacon.

i craved a cup of coffee.  with cream.  at too late an hour.

so.  instead we had a **dance party**.

finn seemed initially very confused.

amidst chaos.

and loud hip-hop coming from the on-demand channel.

that above picture is evidence that my girls have GOT THE MOVES.

probably from me.

finn is safely in mama's arms.

and yes.

that is a play mat posing as a living room rug.

is there a problem with that?

not to be outdone.

the boy must show some of his own moves.

he probably gets them from his dad.

who also frequently dances around in just a shirt.

please note.

the girls simultaneously were shaking it.

and turned around and stuck out the tongues.

they had to have planned it.

i'm totally outnumbered here.

send help.

i thought it was the 28th.

all day.
i spent all day long thinking about how it's the 28th of september and i need to tell stella who she is today ...
because that's what i do on her half birthdays.  4 1/2.  5 1/2.

and then i realized that it was actually the 29th.  and i was already late.  and i didn't have pictures available at that moment.

and hello?  haven't i mentioned that i suck at getting shit done on time before???

so. yeah.  and now.
SIX and A HALF.

holy.  when did i get here?

so my belly.  this is who you are ... today.
and probably tomorrow ...

... you still love pink. 
... like REALLY love pink.
... but mostly just light pink.
... though you decided that sometimes you might just like turquoise.
... but it doesn't matter what color cup/bowl/spoon/pillow you have anymore.  that's SO last year.

... you are a voracious reader, as your teacher would say. 

... which means you read everything.  phone numbers on signs, street symbols, and sometimes crows. 

... your favorite word to write on everything lately?  bromenschenkel.  

... (yes.  i know those last two won't make sense to most people.  sorry.) 

... you can make the baby boy laugh.  just. by. jumping. 

... and i kinda think you feel that's one of your greatest life achievements thus far.

... you are still figuring out the whos of who you are.
... sometimes you yell too much - and i think that's my fault.  i'm trying to be better.
... sometimes you stress too much - and i think that's your daddy's fault.  but he's getting better.

... you love art.
... and music.
... and making people happy.








... you love french onion soup.  and people always have a look of confusion when you order it at the restaurant.  (apparently children aren't supposed to like french onion soup.)
... but at every possible opportunity - you tell people that your mommy actually makes the best french onion soup.  ever.


(you are very bright ... har-dee-har-har.)

... your brain amazes me daily.

... you are a thinker. 

... an observer.

... and a social butterfly.

... in other words?  you are well rounded.

... you love your bff.

... you love your sister. 

... you love your brother.

... you are a family girl.  you just plain love your family.

... you love.  plain and simple.

... you are so confident,

... and unconfident - it's hard to explain.

... i want to do what's right for you - but i'm having a really hard time figuring out what that is lately.

... if i could teach you one thing and you would really truly listen to me? it would be that i want you to love yourself for exactly who you are at this very second.  there's no need to think of who you will become or what you couldshouldwould do ... you only need to love the who that you are. already.
... you are beautiful. 
... inside.
... and out.

i love you as big as the universe.  (and just for the record ... that is really REALLY big.)
xoxo.
mama.

more orange - at i {heart} faces

so... just a few weeks after i capture had an orange challenge -
i {heart} faces has an orange challenge ...




and because there is just something about this picture that makes me smile ...
i'm subjecting all of you to it, yet again.

my boy.
and the best teething toy ever ...

boy oh boy ... i love this boy.

can you tell i'm starting to fret a little about him turning one?  already.  i still have just under 3 months and wow.  i'm already feeling a bit nostalgic about the whole thing. 
my baby.  gah.

check out i {heart}faces for more orange!

i'm going to sneak in some pictures of halloween all quick like - before anyone notices.

someone had a first halloween. 

though he had absolutely no choice in what he would be wearing.

 because big sister, cora, decided she must be dora. 

(though for oh-so-many months prior she was determined to be a toilet.  that opened.  and flushed.)

but still.  dora.

and where there's a dora ... there's a boots.

(and a backpack).

and stella (finally!) decided this year to NOT be a princess. 

she chose a cowgirl.

you know.  the cowgirl in the costume catalog that looks all slutty-ish.

whose boots would never be found anywhere nears a pile of horse shit.

so mama ... said yes.

cowgirl.

but with a bit more skirt.  please.

and boots that might actually someday find themselves in a barn.

while still maintaining the pink cute-factor.

and i didn't really make my kids use the jack o' lanterns that the squirrels "carved".

trick or treating is hard work.

this is what we came home to at the end of the night after dropping finners off with my dad ...

sleeping monkeys are cute.

sleeping boppas are not quite as cute.

BUT ...

sleeping monkeys sleeping on sleeping boppas are super cute.

you wiggle your nose when you nurse. and other observations i've made in our mere 9 months together.

you do.
your nose makes this little twitch twitch twitch as you drink.  it's funny.  i hadn't noticed it before this week.  though i'm fairly certain you've done it all along.
it's just that we've gotten to this lovely point during our nursing journey where feeding isn't difficult or time consuming.  it's just lovely.  and easy.  and i enjoy it.

you wiggle.
out of seats.  out of highchairs.  out of strollers.  out of my arms.
you are bound to be much-more of a mover than your sisters were.  are. 
(why didn't any of you moms of boys mention this little fact?  and yes.  anymommy.  i'll be bolting everything to the walls.  thanks for the heads up.)

you love being with the boys.
daddy.  boppa. 
they are your go-to-guys.  you just want to be with them.  doing whatever.  doing nothing.  you will gladly push yourself out of mama's arms to crawl over to them.  unless you are hungry.  or thirsty.  then see the first paragraph of this post.

you observe everything.
you are a watcher.  and i'm pretty sure that you are internally categorizing everything that you see so that you can perform those tasks when the appropriate occasion arrives. 

your swing your feet when you are bored.
as you sit or balance upon my hip or hang out in someone's arms ... your feet swing.  back and forth. 

your eyes are brightest when watching the people that you love.
those beautiful blues shine when you are watching us.  your family.  there is no denying the deep love that you have for your sisters.  and mama.  and  ... of course ... dada.  and those family members that you have absolute trust in.

your laugh is infectious. 
it makes my days shine.
i can't imagine a life without you. 

i love you bubbers. 
xoxo.  mama.

i'm so busy, i hired pumpkin carvers this year.

with everything going on in my life ... (ohwoeisme!) ... i just couldn't stand the idea of having to carve my own pumpkins this year. 

gah!
the time involved!
and the mess!
 and the sharp utensils!

so i hired some help.

so, yeah.  they're a little messy.  but they are extremely productive.  they practically work 'round the clock!  though i have noticed a few squabbles here and there.

they work for peanuts pumpkin seeds, i tell ya!  totally affordable.

and they are pretty cute!  in a rodent-y sorta way. 

and they bring their own tools for the job. 

i think they do a fairly nice job, don't you?  let me know if you need their contact information!

think of the things that you could do with that extra time not spent carving pumpkins with the children!

unless, of course, your children prefer faces and such on their jack o lanterns.

(think my kids will notice if i just pop a tealight in that gaping hole on halloween?)