i was going to ...

do a whole lot of typing and writing and sharing tonight ... i have to finish his birthstory ... soon.
but instead i had a crying baby boy and two little girls that did. not. want. to. go. to. bed.

at all.

and the crying?  for two hours ... in which mama ... was the only one that could hold him. 

and he still cried.  he just didn't do that newborn sobbing in which the baby doesn't make a sound ... just manages that sucking in of a breath occasionally while tears spill out across their face.  while mama rocked him.  and patted him.  and bounced him.  and swayed.  and danced.  and cryed (just a little, too). 

ooo ... look!  a cute baby!

cute babies are the perfect distraction from lack o' blogging ... don'tcha think?

could someone remind me why i know this?

is. am. are.
do. does. did.
will. would.
shall. should.
can. could.
have. has. had.
may. might. must.
was. were.
be. been. being.

to be verbs?
being verbs??

and why is it stuck in my head? 
like ... all. the. time.  since first grade or some other ridiculously long amount of time ago. 
is this still important?

i seriously need a delete button in my head ... there are several other things that are really REALLY important for me to remember (like that garbage day is on monday and recycling day is on friday) and i think this one is taking up too much space.

whys and becauses.

why you takin' so many pictures a' me, mama?



because i don't ever want to forget you baby ...



why you gonna forget me?



oh doll ... it's not that i'm going to forget you ... it's just that i want to remember you.



'member me?



yeah ... i want to remember my 2 1/2 year old cora ... so that someday when i'm old i can look back and remember you when you were little.



oh.



i don't even think i can fathom today ... how much i'm going to miss THIS face someday.

i {heart} faces ... hands.

finnhands, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

over at i {heart} faces this week ... they are focusing on hands ...




and i knew this hand focus was coming ... but it seems my biggest challenge became picking my favorite. i had so many to choose from ... and i loved them all for so many different reasons. 

cora's hands covered in paint splashing colors onto paper ...
my grandmother's hands as she played a game of cards with stella ...
my husband's hands as he held sweet baby boy blue's head ...
stella's perfectly clean hands as she created a painting ...

in the end ... though? i had to choose finn's little delicious hands ... because we all know how fleeting these baby moments are ... and i need to remember his hands exactly as they were today ...

tomorrow ... i'll share more.

mama-scout award.

so ... last night i received my most recent "mama-scout" award for ...

successfully breastfeeding a screaming reflux-y three week old in an upright position while spraying two arguing cats with water using a half-functioning squirt bottle on only 3 non-consecutive hours of sleep

tonight ... i'm hoping that i receive the ...

successfully making it through my first bout of stomach bug (on a sunday of course - the day after daddy leaves on a 4 day trip) with three children all while waiting for the doctor's office to open on monday morning so that we can get some medication for said screaming reflux-y three week old infant on (potentially) the previously mentioned 3 non-consecutive hours of sleep (unless i get lucky)

award ...

oh ... bytheway - sorry no pictures today ... you can thank me later.

what mama-scout badge have you received lately?

valentine's day ...

roses, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

like so many others i'm sure ...
putting up a v-day post.

though not lovey-dovey and sweet ... because i don't really feel like it.
honestly.

'tis the life of a wife of a pilot.

not to mention a hard night last night and the night before and today. where ... completely unlike myself ... it took everything i had to work up the motivation to escape the house for a mere hour. with all three children. i'm not sure if it's the winter-ish weather ... or the new baby-ness. or the overwhelming feelings of insecurity at being able to do THIS. but it was just a really rough day.

and the seeing and hearing of people in the midst of celebrating valentine's day ... just doesn't make it easier knowing that i don't have the love of my life beside me - when i really feel like i need him.

7 years ago ... tonight ... i didn't know the feeling of your heart breaking into a billion pieces.  7 years ago ... tomorrow ... i did.

and it's probably the hormones and the new baby in my life and this lack of confidence ... but it feels really really ... raw tonight.

and here is where i try my best to kick that negativity to the curb and look for the positives. because ... seriously? there are so many positives ... they sometimes just hide in the clouds ...

like stella. who would never have been. the little someone who glued my heart back together and showed me that i was meant to be a mama.  seeing her becoming herself.  trying to figure out who she is.  and knowing that i do know ... but i have to let her figure it out herself.

and cora. who teaches me daily to laugh and giggle. my little middle that is growing rapidly before my eyes.  opening my eyes to amazing things in this world that i don't see well with my adult-like vision.

and my finn. teaching me that life is full of surprises. and unexpecteds. throwing me out of my comfort zone ... and forcing me to see more joy in the littlest of things.  like a hot shower.  or a warm meal.

and my husband. the love of my life. the man that will teach my son to be such an amazing husband. the man that teaches my girls that they should never settle for less in love.
the man that brings home two dozen roses a week before valentine's day. because we had an argument. and those beautiful roses were accompanied by a costco sized container of jelly belly jelly beans.  and who officially claimed that day as i love you day. 

come to think of it ... that container of jelly beans is at least half full still too. 

happy valentine's day to all of you too ... friends.  family.  love.

iheartkisses at i {heart} faces

iheartkisses, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

at our house we routinely send out valentine's day cards rather than christmas cards ...
it's become a tradition ... that in no way started because i couldn't get christmas cards out on time.

and this year ... valentine's day just so happens to coincide with little boy blue's arrival. and this was one of the pictures that i captured in my attempt to get the perfect photograph of all three children.

perfect photograph. of all. three. children.

apparently ... this is a feat that is near impossible. and out of the 100 or so shots i got that morning ... i think possibly ... three ... are potentials. 3. three. THREE. even with bribes of candy and suckers and a bit of begging for smiles ... and no ... not the "cheese!"y smiles. just smiles. like you are happy smiles. please.
i'll share more of that dreadful super fun day later. 
but for now ... over at i {heart} faces the theme this week is i {heart} kisses ...

and this picture of the girly-girls giving their brand new baby brother a kiss ... melts me.

my three children. my daughters and my son. my little valentines.

head on over to i {heart} faces to see more kisses.  and faces ... of course.



some possibly more romantic ... and with potentially more willing and compliant subjects. enjoy!