again ... we were given an assignment this week.
(look here if you have no idea what i'm talking about ... spriteskeeper ... spin cycle ... moving on ...)
i was mentally stewing (believe it or not ... i edited ... i had written ... mentally stewing in my mind ... really jen? in your mind? crazy ...) what action or decision in my life that i wanted to question.
did i forget to mention the assignment (for those of you that are too lazy to click on the links...)???
what if ...
ok ... back to me thinking about what to write ...
i noticed a phone message from my husband.
"hey honey ... just wanted to make sure that you knew that the plane crash that you are bound to hear about soon ... wasn't me. i'm safe. i love you. bye."
'cause my husband is an airline pilot based out of the same airport on the same airline.
and i know that we all have a job or a life that require us to drive or fly or boat or bike or hell ... even walk ... and something could happen to anyone of us at anytime.
but sometimes ... those well publicized moments hit a little too close to home.
and i don't even want to think about the what ifs ...
in fact ... more importantly ...
i don't want my children to see or think about the what ifs. i refuse to talk about the fact that planes can crash. i never let a television channel linger on a show documenting a plane crash. today, as desperately as i wanted to know how all of those people were doing ... i could not force myself to turn on the news in front of them. because that plane sitting in the middle of the hudson river ... had a man in it ... that was a lot like daddy.
and i just want to keep the naivety a wee bit longer.
there are plenty of years to know that bad things can happen. it's hard enough knowing that your daddy leaves every week and you won't see him for 3 to 5 or so days. i don't want them worrying that it might be ... could be longer ... or even forever.
'cause that's a lot of worry for a little heart.
and as much as he drives me insane occasionally ... i cannot fathom the what if.
so ... not tonight, spriteskeeper.
i'll think about a what if ... some other day.
what happened today? is a great reminder of how well these guys are trained. the ones that i know rather well ... their minds run like a checklist (note - husband driving me insane occasionally) ... they are trained to stay calm and respond appropriately ... it comforts me. more than you would ever know.
to the loveofmylife? get home soon. i miss you. and i love you. life feels better when you are here.