saturday ... i went in to get a haircut. i'm horrible with keeping up with a ~hairstyle~ . really really horrible. in fact ... i think this was the shortest amount of time that i've gone BETWEEN two haircuts ... a mere 4 months.
**collective gasp from the reader(s)**
i am so far from high maintenence. so so far.
and the thing is ... my hair grows superdupercalifragilisticexpialidociousfast. which means i should probably get MORE haircuts.
but to me ... they are a little like torture. you mean i have to sit and talk to someone that i don't know? because dear god ... my misfortune is that if i LIKE a hairstylist ... they tend to move to another unknown unreported location. and i swear, this has nothing to do with me. but it affects me. as you'll see.
i loved my last haircut. she cut it just a slight bit shorter in the back than in the front so that it didn't lay funny on my shoulders. it was a perfect length (but grew out a little faster than i would have hoped). i could pull it back or wear it down ... perfect when working with kids and being a mommy. and it was disaster-proof. i couldn't mess it up. i didn't have to do anything. i didn't even have to dry it if i didn't want to.
so ... i called to schedule with her again.
but she quit. imagine that. and didn't leave any information about the cut. of course.
so i proceeded to see someone new. i'll just tell her my three requirements ... it'll be fine. she can't screw it up!
1. i don't DO my hair. i'm lucky if i get a shower everyday. sometimes ...
2. i must be able to pull it back into a pony or piggies. i can't stand having my hair down when i sleep. i have students that will (gladly) grab any stray hair and pull. hard. i don't want to have any stray hairs to pull. 'cause it really f-ing hurts. the ponies and piggies don't need to be long ... but they need to be AVAILABLE.
3. the last girl gave me a cut i loved! slightly longer in front than in the back ... my hair actually laid nicely on my shoulders after that cut ... i LOVED it. she didn't do many layers ... 'cause they tend to look funny on my hair after a few weeks. and she used that funny scissors to "thin" it out. i have very thick hair, yo.
i thought that was sufficient, efficient and made sense ... without seeming all too demanding and opinionated.
oh dear god was i wrong.
i had my first inkling that something was going drastically wrong when she whipped out a razor and did a "djjjjut" against my neck ... just below my hairline ... before i could say a word.
i breathe. in and out. in and out. in and out.
(short-er is a little ok ... remember how fast your hair grows? it'll be fine.)
then she whipped out those funny scissors and my hair started flying around the room. i looked down and say a piece about 8 inches in length on my lap.
hair was flying everywhere. i couldn't move with edwardia scissorhands on the loose. i was worried i might lose my nose or an earlobe.
i went to my happy place. breathe.
as she started blowdrying my hair ... she gave me directions.
remember when i mentioned ... i don't do my hair?????
the directions involved: a medium to large round brush, a thingamajigy on my blowdryer, a straightening iron, some gooey stuff and some polishy stuff.
problem? i only own one of those things.
when she was finished ... i had a style similar to that english chick that is married to a soccer player and bought some hugeass mansion for her and her family ... even though they weren't in america yet ... (this memory brought to you courtesy of late night tv ... when baby wouldn't sleep.) please note ... the ENTIRE time i watched that show ... i kept thinking about how much i did not like her hair.
note: if you have hair like hers and you really like it! i'm so happy for you!
it's just that i could never pull it off. hair like that requires high heels and short shorts. or fancy white pants and a leather jacket. or at least red lipstick.
i cried a little on the inside as she spun me around to see the whole effect.
but here is the "minnesota nice" in me ... i couldn't tell her how much i hated it. but i couldn't really say i liked it either.
i think i said wow.
and left. after paying AND giving her a tip. (why the hell do i do that?)
today? it's not so awful. i still don't own 3 of those gadgets and gooies. but i made do.
and if i pull it really hard and use cora's hair bands ... i can get two little piggies. very little piggies. but ... piggies. i'll survive. i just have to keep reminding myself that my hair grows superdupercalifragilisticexpialidociousfast.
and next time ... well ... she will have probably quit. so it's fine. i just hope she didn't write any specifics about the cut down for the next chick.