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stella3, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

happy birthday baby.
i love you.

wine in a mug

wine in a mug, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

sort of sad ... isn't it?
i managed to break EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of our wine glasses during this last pregnancy.

and i wasn't even the one drinking.

all breakage occurred during somewhat rare dishwashing episodes. or when i dropped a package of airborne and it bounced off the counter where a used glass sat. or when i didn't handwash and pulled the wine glass out of the dishwasher and nicked it against the counter where it shattered. or when a cat knocked it over - empty of course - thankfully.

so now? that i'm finally through the pregnancy riddled with clumsy-ness ... (and according to my mother and husband ... crabby-ness)
i'm destined to drink my wine from a coffee mug.
it didn't really matter. tonight was a must. drink. wine. kinda night.

and this poor bottle of wine has sat open for so long.

and i have two birthday parties ... for the same birthday girl ... this weekend.

i'm pretty sure the bottle will be gone by saturday night.

ohmygoodness ... i forgot about the sleepover friday night.
i'm pretty sure the bottle will be gone by friday at nine pm.

send wine.
and chocolate.
and help.
(preferably cleaning fairies.)

in his eyes.

babyboyasleep, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

finn looks up at me and smiles. coos. gurgles.
in the middle of nursing ... he lights up. at the sight of me. his blue eyes sparkling with life and happy.

and i don't see myself the same ... through his eyes.
i don't see the pounds that i want to lose that threaten to remain. forever.

i don't see the tired mama that can barely keep her shit together somedays.

i don't see the wrinkles under my eyes.  or the stretch marks that make their way across my belly.

i don't see the feet in major need of a pedicure.  or the fingernails that are long neglected.

i don't see the lack of make up.  or the hair that has been pulled into a ponytail. again.

i see myself as he sees me. perfect.
because i am. to him.

i am so. in. love. with this boy.
i honestly never thought this was possible.

i'm sort of a you-capture virgin ... but i thought this post and picture was so fitting for this week's theme of ...
a moment.
and i've been a fan of you-capture for quite some time. check it out. beautiful entries. beautiful people.

what he sees - angles at i heart faces

what he sees., originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

this week, there are focusing on angles at i {heart} faces ...

notsomuch triangular angles ... but looking at your subjects from different angles. trying out something new. (well ... at least that's what i was trying to accomplish!)

and finn is all of a sudden extremely interested in looking up at himself in this mirror-ish thingy at the top of his swing. i wanted to see what the cool-ness of it was. so i plopped myself down below him to see it.

this is what we saw.

oh and bytheway ... please excuse the messy living room that you can also see ... it was a rough sorta day.

head on over to i {heart} faces to see more interesting angles! this is sure to be a good week to look around at what other people are trying!

and he will amaze you with his superior hula hooping skillz.

there was a bit of a hula hooping competition happening tonight as we stood around the grill basking in the semi warmth of a spring evening.

it went a little something like this ...

finn was in the midst of his scream-fest.  which is oh-so-fun.  let me tell you.  EVERY night ... for about 45 minutes ... he screams as if you are causing him oodles of pain.  there are tears.  and the screaming.  oh. the. screaming.  none of the previously learned tricks acquired through the having of two older children seem to work. 

... except he stops when you wash his hair.
yeah ... that's a bit quirky, dontcha think?

anyhoo.  he was in the middle of the screaming.  and the girls were up at the neighbors (probably to escape the screaming).  and we've all learned that the BEST thing you can do ... besides the washing of the hair ... is to throw him over your shoulder and just let the screaming commence.  because eventually it stops and the baby falls soundly asleep.  oddly enough. 

so ... while we all listened to the screaming ... we hula hooped.  (and took turns losing hearing in at least one of our ears.)

and my dad won.  because he was able to hoop it AND GRILL.  AT THE SAME TIME.

wanna see his mad hula hooping skillz? 

yeah ... so that's my dad, y'all. 

i totally lost.  even though after last summer's pure failure in the hulahooping department ... because i could totally blame the baby belly ... i semi-rocked the hula hoop tonight ...

and after everyone leaves ... in the wee hours of the morning ... i may just bring the hula hoop inside and practice it in my living room ... possibly while nursing a baby ... because ... BEAT THAT DAD.

bundled up at i {heart} faces ...

bundled up, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

over at i {heart} faces this week they want to see bundled up ...

and this is one of my most favorite bundled up pictures of cora.

head on over here to see more bundled up faces!  and enter one of your own!  it's fun!

so ... we found stella in the mailbox today ...

stella in the mail, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

just about a year ago ... stella was asked to do a quick "modeling" gig for a photography studio.

and she did. donned her easter dress, borrowed pink rain boots from the teacher down the hall and used the studio's pink umbrella.  (and a tutu ... pink converse and a jean jacket.)

above all else ... she had the time of her life and LOVED having her pictures taken (especially by someone other than mom.) in fact for several weeks following the photo shoot ... she begged to do it again.

and today?

she showed up in the mailbox. and it was super fun trying to explain that lots o' people from all around got to see her picture today in their mailboxes.

although, we probably won't mention anything about her being recycled at any point. that might just be too difficult to comprehend.

let's just all pretend that everyone that received one of these flyers is gonna hang it up on their refrigerator for awhile. give her her 15 minutes of fame, mm-k?  thanks ... i appreciate it ...

and by the way ... ohmygod ... did you notice those eyes of hers?  seriously.  they are like the ocean, folks.  believe me.

what i want ...

i want to step my toes into the muddy ground.

i want to put on sandals and walk barefoot and feel the new greenishness of grass sprouting.

i want to jump in the puddles.

i want my girls to jump in the puddles with me while we laugh and giggle uncontrollably.

i want the sun to beat down on our faces while we lay on a picnic blanket and eat dinners outside in the yard.

i want to plant seeds.

i want to drive down our street and be amazed at how quickly this previously a tree-farm property transforms into shades of green.

i want to paint our black driveway with shades of pink and purple and yellow and green and blue chalk.

i want to wake up one morning and wonder where the snow went.

i want spring.

two and a half ... and yes ... i realize i'm always late on these sorts of things.

so ... awhile back i finished up your big sister's 1/2 birthday post ... i was pretty much late with hers too ... so don't feel bad.  well ... actually ... you can feel just a little bad because between when i started this and tonight when i'm actually finishing it ... i managed to have a baby.  and make you into my little middle.  but ... that's beside the point.  on november 3rd?  you were two and a half.  and we celebrated.  with a cake.  (banana and chocolate chip ... but we were out of chocolate chips ... so i pretty much just crumbled up a bunch of chocolateish halloween candy and sprinkled it into the batter.  so. good.) and a candle that you blew out.  because you were so excited when i told you it was your half birthday.  you insisted that we have a cake.  while your sister sprawled out on the couch with the h1n1 virus. 

and it just seems like i can't get my stuff together enough to ever get these letters out to you ... on time.  but all excuses aside ... it truly is because i'm spending my time with you rather than writing about my time with you ... and i hope that you can see that THAT really is better for you and for me.

back in november when this letter had began ... i watched you with open eyes over the weekend. i took the time to really honestly watch you.  i stared into your eyes.  i listened to your beautiful little sweet voice.  i held you.  i rock-a-byed you.  i cried when you fell asleep in my arms. 
you were so on the verge of being a big sister.
of being the middle.
of becoming who you are going to be in this lifetime. 

and it scared me ... having to watch this little that i kinda always thought would be my baby ... jumping wholeheartedly into such a big girl position. 

i know it drives you crazy when i say it ... but just remember ... you will ALWAYS be my baby.  no matter how big you get.  no matter if you are taller than me.  no matter if there is another baby behind you ...  you will always be my baby.  because for one short moment of time.  one blip in our life ... you were.

and this is who you are ... right then and now.

-- you are the most opinionated child on the face of the earth.  you know what you want, when and how.  i remember ordering your lunch at the restaurant one day.  i was ready to order you the same thing i had always ordered for stella.  because it's what i thought kids would eat.  it's what stella always ate.  you didn't want the noodles and sweet and sour chicken.  you wanted fried rice with an egg roll.  and you proceeded to eat all. of. it.  i had no idea that i had been giving you what you didn't want all along.  i'm sorry.
-- your favorite game it "try to get me stella" ... and you will take the opportunity to climb upon daddy or boppa and throw yourself in the air in attempts to get away from stella.  you literally climb them.  no fear.
-- you love your sister.  you adore her.  you copy her all. the. time.  which drives her batty.  but ... you love her.  and you both having each other makes me so happy. 

-- you effortless moved out of your crib and into your big girl bed with stella. and then she moved up to the top bunk ... and you acquired this gigantic full size mattress all to yourself. and you LOVE it.  but you didn't bat an eye when you left your crib.  you wanted your baby to have it.
-- nuk-nuk??  well that's a whole 'nother story.  you are more than willing to give it up ... and when i was pregnant mama could often be found walking around with pacifiers in her shirt ... because you wanted the baby to have them.  but when bedtime rolls around ... you quietly take it back and calm yourself to sleep.
-- and mama?  the speech-language pathologist?  that never wanted her kids to have a nuk past a year of age ... really likes her sleep apparently ... and she hasn't pushed you to rid yourself of it.  yet.  i'm sure it's coming ... i can already hear the /s/ errors that pop up in your speech.  argh.
-- on the same note, though ... you are a model child to work with on your sounds.  you imitate the more appropriate sound and then proceed to practice it ... without any prompting.  beautiful.  i wish more kids were like you some days!
-- you are a fantastic big sister.  you LOVE babies.  you love everything about babies.  so far.  i think my biggest challenge with you will be convincing you that you can't just pick up the baby and take him somewhere.  supervision is going to be important.

-- speaking of supervision.  supervised water usage.  you have a fondness for washing your hands and letting the water run on forever.  and just playing in it.  i know.  i clean it up.
-- i loved to hear you say ... "i not know"  because it's just plain cute.  and then you went all grown up on me and changed it to "i don't know." last week.  i miss it.
-- you have a fear of dogs barking.  you always have.  even when i was pregnant with you ... you would jump at the sound.  this in turn makes you scared of most dogs.  except for skye.  a 95 pound lab.  that you adore.

-- you can play babies for hours. 
-- you can recite the book pinkalicious ... in a much cuter way than it is originally written.  "rainyday.  too wet t'go ou-side.  let's make cupcakes.  pink.  i say.  pink. pink. pink."  and on and on.  (i need a video camera, don't i?)
-- you tell me everytime that i go through a stop light that green is go and red is stop.  and that "yellow means it's almost red time!"  (which isn't EXACTLY how i explained it.)
-- your favorite color is purple.  and yellow. and blue. and green. and pink. 
-- you love to draw rainbows.  and airplanes. and trains and boats.  and you put them all on the refrigerator.

-- you are the queen of compromise.  if stella gets the pink cup today ... you are just fine with knowing that you'll get it tomorrow. 
-- you are a burst of sunshine in my life.  you are me.  you are the me that i was when i was little.  easy going and comfortable and fun and happy. 

-- please don't ever lose that.  because you are so completely beautiful and wondeful.  and i can't wait to see what you can do with those qualities someday.

i love you sunshine. more than you will ever know.

i was going to ...

do a whole lot of typing and writing and sharing tonight ... i have to finish his birthstory ... soon.
but instead i had a crying baby boy and two little girls that did. not. want. to. go. to. bed.

at all.

and the crying?  for two hours ... in which mama ... was the only one that could hold him. 

and he still cried.  he just didn't do that newborn sobbing in which the baby doesn't make a sound ... just manages that sucking in of a breath occasionally while tears spill out across their face.  while mama rocked him.  and patted him.  and bounced him.  and swayed.  and danced.  and cryed (just a little, too). 

ooo ... look!  a cute baby!

cute babies are the perfect distraction from lack o' blogging ... don'tcha think?