ahhh, that's better...

ok, ok...i'm not FAILING.
the red f- has been miraculously erased...(what could get that permanent marker out? i'm nearly positive that there will a need-to-know of that information sometime in my future...)
things are looking brighter (then again, it's friday...the world always looks brighter on friday).

work is at a difficult point, lots of evaluations and meetings. stressful stuff. but i need to remember:
i have to take care of MY children first and foremost. they are most important to me and i'm doing a disservice to them (and possibly the world...) if i don't make them my priority.
and it's already april which is practically may and then june 5th is just around the corner. at work, it's not my fault that my students are not making leaps and bounds progress on a daily basis. it's not my fault that i have to increase my group numbers in order to get paperwork done, when i am currently seeing 14 children over the number of a full time SLP. it's not my fault that the parents are not always as involved or as willing to work outside of school to help these kiddos carry-over their skills.

my husband and i had a chat (at 2:00 in the morning on thursday...whole 'nother post) and it turns out that i might actually be doing a good job with him too! yeah, me! we do have to learn to work as a team better...it's so difficult given that the nature of his job is to take him away from us at least 75% of the week. but, that's where technology should come in and HELP us. we should be able to connect, and i have got to learn to get better at asking his opinion, even if he is away from home and is not going to be able to be an active participant in the outcome.

i'm not failing my girls. coconut is just at that turning point...and she is so vastly different from her sister in terms of her activity level. she is a mover and a shaker. (and boy does she have a temper when things don't go her way). i've been saying the last several weeks..."you are so much more than a handful...you are two handfuls." i need to change my ideas of what will interest her and try to accomodate her. i need to get creative this weekend and put up the tent or get a tunnel...i think she would LOVE that. i need to go through her toy box and put in more things that you can put things in and take things out of. things that she needs to work at, make her do some problem solving. belly just needs some mommy time. i need to put down the dishes/housework and just play, be silly and pretend with her. maybe we can do that while coconut takes her naps. i need to let both of them dig in the dirt and get messy this weekend outside. it's supposed to be beautiful...i want to dig in my front flower bed and see if my daylilies are starting to pop out. i'm going to get out the shovels and pails and let the girls dig too. that's what bathtubs are made for.

i do what i can do...and i have to be comfortable with that.