all together now...

a cute shot of them together...

helping sister stand... peek-a-boo fun... typical personalities!

the similarities are amazing...

wow.

the similarities in their appearance amaze me daily...the differences in their personalities are endless. so funny, given that people often remark that belly looks like daddy and coconut looks like me...i'm not sure about the personalities...on a good day...i think they are more like me. :)

hey mr.

hi sir...
i know that you really don't care about me or my family, but i wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity to have a discussion with my four-year-old about racism and "naughty words". gosh, i've been meaning to explain why some people don't like others that are just a little different from them. i've been meaning to explain and pop her little bubble of obliviousness to the color of people's skin. i've been meaning to explain that everyone is a little different...but i was silly to think that i would be able to approach that conversation in a positive manner. and now, for my "sincerest" apologies.

i'm sorry, that in the back of the CHILDREN'S store that we were all in (looking for a bargain), that i replied in a semi-sarcastic tone to your question. you really did NEED to know how to discriminate between the girl clothes and the boy clothes. my answer of, "i guess i just look for blue or pink," was obviously not helpful.

but then again, i'm also very sorry that i hadn't put in my application to work there a few weeks prior, been interviewed and provided with that position that was posted on the doorway and then been TRAINED in customer service techniques; so that i would be more equipped to answer your question. i, honestly, just was there shopping for some games to put in my daughter's hand-me-down thingamajig that you can no longer buy cartridges and books for. so, therefore, i had ventured into said store to buy outdated learning materials for MY daughter. so sorry, i guess i didn't make it obvious that i wasn't an employee. i should have been breastfeeding - not just carrying - my 11 month old in a sling and i maybe should have been more obviously shopping while holding my purse or maybe, possibly i should have just said "i don't work here". it really was my fault, that i wasn't obvious enough as to my status within the shop.

i know that my pink vs. blue comment really bothered you when you decided to go and complain about my professionalism to the ACTUAL employees, who were also really disgusted that one of the employees would have provided you with that comment. and then when someone officially directed you to what you were looking for, i'm sorry that the store was closing (i should have been striving harder to become ceo of the company) and that one of my fellow employees actually mentioned that you should start making your way to the front of the store. and super sorry that she wasn't the appropriate "race" for the job of providing you with this information. you had every right to start swearing and making racial comments in front of the children. if you don't teach them, who will??

i do have to say, i owned up to the pink/blue comment with my superiors...and after you left i was harshly punished. i was fired, in fact. i won't be working there anymore. but then again, after you left - they mentioned hoping that you never shop there again either. me, i don't care where you shop...i just hope that something in your life has improved since this very frustrating day that you stumbled into my life career.

(and my mom still swears that you walked out with a pair of pants)

--jen

you deserve a...

i just came across this website/product...
they are too cute...
kinda like brownie and girl scout badges for mommies...

i think we all have earned several of these!
i know i have over the last 4 years!

baby b

welcome to the world, little one.
i can't wait to meet you.
"auntie"jen

dear little one...

hey little one...
your mommy told me you are coming soon...and i am so excited to meet you.

you come from an amazing family...not just your mommy and daddy, but your grandparents and your uncles and aunts. so many people that are family and friends, eagerly awaiting your arrival and anticipating the announcement of who YOU are. it is often said...
it takes a village to raise a child.
and i think you have a pretty spectacular village surrounding you.

your mommy is my best friend. we've known each other for a very very long time. she has a heart of gold and a smile that shines. she makes me laugh and brings oodles of sunshine into the lives of so many people.
your daddy is a prince...(your mommy always wanted one of those). he loves her (and you) so much. he is a good friend and i'm sure he will teach you so much about life and friendship and love. he makes your mommy shine more.
your grandparents and uncles and aunts are looking forward to spoiling you silly. they love you already and are so excited to show you the depths of their love.
there are multitudes of friends in many different places that are awaiting your arrival and have many other little ones that are your soon-to-be friends.

it's a pretty good village, if i do say so myself.

now onto a letter for your mommy...
sar-bear...there are so many things that i want to share with you as you take this one-way train into mommy-hood. but, honestly, i can not come up with a single word that fulfills what i want to say. but i'm gonna try anyways...
i am so excited to KNOW *sara, the mommy* in addition to *sara, my best friend*. you are bound to be amazing throughout this journey. i don't want to fill you with unnecessary advice. i just want to be a supportive wall that you can come to when you are having troubles or need someone to lean on. i want to be your giving tree.
LOVE...the instantaneous love that you will feel is amazing and undeniable. there is a true animal instinct that will connect you to your baby. some people feel it more quickly than others...but i think it's always there...just more deeply buried. the love is very hard to explain and words almost diminish it.
CHANGE...this will change you. not good or bad...it just changes you. and it is very different from the love you feel for mike or your parents or me :). it is undescribable.
EXPECT...you have to expect the unexpected. plain and simple. if you start having expectations, lil' bebe will send those packing immediately.
ENJOY...you have to relish every minute of this journey. you don't have to (and probably won't) enjoy all of it...in fact, i'd be bothered if you did! there are moments that absolutely suck. but you have to be willing to look back and laugh at those times. and you will, sooner or later, you will.
CHERISH...the little things. cherish the baby smell. cherish the way baby's hands curl when sleeping. cherish baby's subtle squeaks and squeals. they change so quickly...but you will always remember.
i heard somewhere...these are the longest minutes and the shortest years that you will ever know. perfectly said. cuddle that baby for me and tell baby, "there is an 'auntie' jen-men out there waiting for the opportunity to meet you."
congratulations on your new name, mommy. i love you.

google meme...

a meme that looks fun to try...i've never done one before...we'll see how it goes...
go to google...type your answer into the “search” box. pick an image from the first page. copy and paste answer into blog.
Here you go:
MY NAME IS: (mommy)
MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS: (married, with children)

MY FAVORITE COLOR: (pink and purple)
MY CELEBRITY CRUSH: (matthew mcconoughy...but i can't spell his name...and jeremy probably has no idea...until now)

MY FAVORITE PRINCESS(es): (stella and cora...well, flowers with their names)

MY FAVORITE ADULT BEVERAGE: (asti cinzano champagne)
MY DREAM VACATION IS: (whale watching in hawaii)
WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE: (happy)

tighter squeezes

i just came across this blog today that has made me look at my girls in a new light.
http://sheyerosemeyer.blogspot.com
it is written by a mother of - four - that is an amazing photographer and an inspiring writer. in february of 2007, their family lost their little 3 1/2 year old daughter, ava, in an awful accident. see here:
www.avasrule.com
this is a postcard that was created to acknowledge the type of accident and attempt to prevent it from happening to another family.
honestly, i have never been so moved and so touched by someone that i have never known. i'm not sure if it's the beauty of the pictures or the beauty in this little girl...but i have spent all day thinking about her and remembering her each time that my girls have needed just a little something more from me. i can't fret about little frustrations, when another mommy is going through something so much bigger. i definitely squeezed my girls tighter tonight.
this mommy writes so beautifully about her family and their life and how much she misses her little ava. everything that she writes about reminds me of my little belly...same age approximately...same likes/dislikes. same sort of questioning nature and love of life. she even loves to sing the same song...you are my sunshine. they share the same intimate connection with their grandfathers.
i don't know that i could do what this mommy is able to do (i.e., go on living life) without my belly and my coconut. i don't know how i would muster up the strength to do it. and more-so...i'm not sure that i could share those emotions with the world in such a thought provoking and heart wrenching manner. believe me, you need to see her beauty.
you, too, will give those babies an extra squeeze. you, too, will fulfill the request for just one more kiss without getting even slightly annoyed. you, too, will see the beauty in ava and will send strength to her mommy and show her that ava's short little life had such purpose.

my mommy

my mommy is the best...
(i had to add that just for you, mom, when you asked for my blog address...)
:)

up up up up up up-dates...

- mama. saturday's count of mamas - non-existant. daddy let me sleep in that morning...after being up for less than an hour...i had made it to 100. what? apparently that's as high as i can count. i guess we need to guesstimate. 1200?? oops...minus the 2 hours of naps. 1000. well...at least 1000 in the 8:30 am-8:30 pm range of time.

- daddy...come home already. we miss you. you drove us all (including yourself) a little crazy when you were around for practically 3 weeks. but now that you've been gone for 3 days. we miss you again.

- work. let's not even go there. blah blah blah. it's boring information about myself anyways.

- did i really just hear a forecast for possible snow again? ugh. (mother nature if you are listening...i'm done with winter!)

- coconut's gonna be 1! she turned 11 months on the 3rd. i can't believe it. she's pointing to everything and saying "dat?" she pointed at skye-dog the other day, turned to boppa, and said "dog". (just in case, he didn't know). very cute. she gets so excited when her mama walks in a room. (she's definitely a mama's girl - i love it.)

- i've officially decided on pink for my new crafting area. i'm excited to start trying some digital scrapbooking stuff i've been reading about here. (oooo, i just figured out how to do a link...i've been meaning to try that!) this summer is going to be all about fun with the girls and rediscovering my love of craft stuff. maybe i can actually finish the girls' scrapbooks with this digital idea?? we'll see. i've found some wonderful blogging mommy's that are using it...and they've given me some ideas. i might just have to "purchase" before the summer so that it doesn't come down to money (argh...school year paycheck).
well...off to get the girls.

by the way...

total number of (mama/mom/mommy)s yesterday (calculated from midnight to midnight...if you must know)...
187
or something close to that...i lost count a few times.
specifics: sleeping (if you call it that?) from 12-6, getting ready (coconut only) from 6-7:15, driving to daycare (coconut only) 7:15-7:30, at work (7:45-4:15...i should mention one student called me mom 2x...oops), pick up girls - stop at grocery store and at home 4:30-8:30, bedtime and sleep (is that what it's supposed to be??) 9:30-12:00.

saturday might be another story...i have got to get my hands on one of those counter thingys.

by the way, did i mention we grilled last night...first of the year! so yummy. it was BEAUTIFUL outside...ran around and played...caught up with neighbors (funny how people hibernate all winter).

ahhh, that's better...

ok, ok...i'm not FAILING.
the red f- has been miraculously erased...(what could get that permanent marker out? i'm nearly positive that there will a need-to-know of that information sometime in my future...)
things are looking brighter (then again, it's friday...the world always looks brighter on friday).

work is at a difficult point, lots of evaluations and meetings. stressful stuff. but i need to remember:
i have to take care of MY children first and foremost. they are most important to me and i'm doing a disservice to them (and possibly the world...) if i don't make them my priority.
and it's already april which is practically may and then june 5th is just around the corner. at work, it's not my fault that my students are not making leaps and bounds progress on a daily basis. it's not my fault that i have to increase my group numbers in order to get paperwork done, when i am currently seeing 14 children over the number of a full time SLP. it's not my fault that the parents are not always as involved or as willing to work outside of school to help these kiddos carry-over their skills.

my husband and i had a chat (at 2:00 in the morning on thursday...whole 'nother post) and it turns out that i might actually be doing a good job with him too! yeah, me! we do have to learn to work as a team better...it's so difficult given that the nature of his job is to take him away from us at least 75% of the week. but, that's where technology should come in and HELP us. we should be able to connect, and i have got to learn to get better at asking his opinion, even if he is away from home and is not going to be able to be an active participant in the outcome.

i'm not failing my girls. coconut is just at that turning point...and she is so vastly different from her sister in terms of her activity level. she is a mover and a shaker. (and boy does she have a temper when things don't go her way). i've been saying the last several weeks..."you are so much more than a handful...you are two handfuls." i need to change my ideas of what will interest her and try to accomodate her. i need to get creative this weekend and put up the tent or get a tunnel...i think she would LOVE that. i need to go through her toy box and put in more things that you can put things in and take things out of. things that she needs to work at, make her do some problem solving. belly just needs some mommy time. i need to put down the dishes/housework and just play, be silly and pretend with her. maybe we can do that while coconut takes her naps. i need to let both of them dig in the dirt and get messy this weekend outside. it's supposed to be beautiful...i want to dig in my front flower bed and see if my daylilies are starting to pop out. i'm going to get out the shovels and pails and let the girls dig too. that's what bathtubs are made for.

i do what i can do...and i have to be comfortable with that.

f-

ever get the feeling that you have a gigantic red permanent marker, circled for extra emphasis, F- on your forehead?
i swear...that's how i've felt about everything in my life these past few days.
treatment time F- (i don't provide treatment as well as i used to...i don't plan ahead...i see kiddos in these huge groups and i don't know that i'm actually making a difference for them...)
paperwork F- (i CANNOT keep up with it...believe it or not, i actually think that the kiddos are more important than the paperwork...paperwork police would not agree)
meetings/parent contact F- (why can't i get ahold of anyone that i need to, during the 2 minutes and 30 seconds that i have available?)
my own kids F- (it used to be a boob that made coconut happy...now she needs more - and i don't know if i have exactly what she needs...belly, on the other hand, just wants me to play - and i never feel that i have enough time...see below)
housework F- (i don't know how the toy boxes spill over when no one is looking...i don't know how we lose at least one hamster full of hair from animals each day on my carpets...)
husband F- (he has been home for a whole week and a 1/2 and we aren't used to that...weird, i know...apparently we get on each other's nerves when we are together too much)
presentation F- (varying my hairstyle...one bun, TWO buns, or a ponytail...oooooo...i choose clothes based upon the fact that they aren't covered in milk stains or baby snot...very attractive)
friends F- (could i call someone back within at least 3 days of them calling me?)
ugh.
i think i'm failing.