because i can. {an *i heart faces* challenge}

after being so caught up in this and that and the other thing ... i've missed just sharing a simple photo in the i {heart} faces challenges. 

with the craziness involved in the end-of-school-year business ... i just couldn't get anything in on time ... and then this week popped up ...

whimsy.

and i immediately thought back to a photo i captured of stellers.  dancing.  quite possibly one of my most favorite photos of her ever.  (do i always say that?) she was just her.  involved in a moment of spinning across a beach.  sand sprinkled across her heels.  eyes closed.  dancing.  her blonde hair blowing in the breeze.  lost.  in that moment. 

stella is such a funny girl.

she's this crazy mix.  a balance, maybe?  of wildly imaginative and strictly rule bound.  more often we see her rigid rule follower ...

but occasionally we get a sublime glimpse of a girl in love with life.  a dreamer. 

this is her.

in all her whimsy.

thanks, i {heart} faces for being there ... even when i haven't been.  i always click on over to see what you are up to ... and it's nice to join in once again. 

you should click on over too ... see what other whimsical photos you can discover.

so much.

sometimes ... there is just so much in here.  in my head.  and i want to write lovely little notes and tell you about things and tippitytap my fingers across the letters.

and i do.

in my head.  in my bed.  late at night.  when the world is sleeping and i should be too ... but i'm not.  because my head is thinking and exploding with thoughts and ideas and this and that.

things that i really want to tell you about ... but can't necessarily take the time to write.  and so i think them. 

i think about telling you about how stella is finally riding a bike.  like really riding it ... well enough to go on long bike rides with us.  and about how on those long bike rides i find pretty things like fields full of wild grasses (perfect photo location) and patches of stones ... rocks ... and little teeny tiny baby agates. 

and i want to tell you about how finn is so cute now ... because whenever you say a person's name in that way that you would when you are calling for them from across the house or under a blanket hiding ... he answers back with "a--youuuu?" and it's adorable and sweet.  and how he is amazingly this little boy.  and i'm kind of liking trucks and tractors and busses and wheels and the noises that everything makes.  even though i never thought i would. 

i want to tell you about how hard it is with three.  and how i never thought i would have three.  and how lucky i am to have three.  but that sometimes it's just really hard and confusing and difficult and occasionally i just cannot wait for seven o clock to come ... because that means that i will be ushering them towards bedtimes in the not too distant future.

i want to tell you about cora ... and how crazily crazy and loud and obnoxious she is in this so adorable way.  and how she mentioned to me the other day, as we rode off to a doctor's appt the other day (fearful that she had ringworm because someone told me that ... but didn't.  thankfully.  just a funny little something or other.  it's gone now.) and we were alone and she said ... "so.  it's just you and me.  that's special."  and it was.  because it's rarely just her and i.  and i'm trying to fix that.  i can't imagine being the middle.  kind of lost but at the same time ... really important being both a big and a little sibling.  and hard.

and my life isn't all hard.  it's beautiful and it's lovely.  and i'm getting to do things that i love.  like take pictures of people.  and it's amazing because it uses all of me.  it uses the smiling social me and the creative me knocking at the door.  together.  and it's fun.  plus ... also? babies. 

and sometimes i'm sorry that i don't just stop by to tell you those things.  i'm sorry that sometimes i can't just put these thoughts into a neat little package ... tied together with a giveaway or a life lesson or an ending.

and so i sometimes just don't.

but i should ... because really?  this isn't about you.  it's me.  and us. 

and i realized all of that tonight while tweeting with a friend.  who feels many of those same things.  and i had challenged us to write for 10 minutes.  just 10 minutes.  words.

and i did.  except that it was actually 14. 

thanks for listening.

park day.

i said yes.
as soon as finners wakes up from his nap ... we'll go to the park. 
and we did.

we brought the chalk ... and the wagon. 

we split up at the corner of the park ... stella scootered one way.  i pulled finners in the wagon the other way.  and cora took off lickitysplit running from where we stood kitty corner from the park.

it was an experiment ... to see who could get there the fastest.  it was so not a race ... i had to convince them of that after stella and i made it to the park minutes after cora was already playing on the slides.  although next time ... there will have to be a hypothesis made BEFORE the experiment.  and the result will have to be that stella will get there first ... because hello?  fair. 

and at one point ... i looked up to this.

my three babies ... my soft landing ... building a chalk house on the basketball court. 
*note.  we are standing just behind the couch. 

and i realized ... that this little jaunt to the park across the street is so much more than just a little jaunt across the street to the park.  it is a memory that i can either make ... or a memory that will fade into their little minds.  and so ... we made it. 

we drew our entire house ...
complete with a kitchen sink, silverware and dishes.

we jumped on our "beds".  we sat on the couch.  we got a set of bunk beds.

we encouraged each other to try drawing new things.  to do something different.
and we did.


we realized that doing those new things ... like just trying to draw a truck ... can make you feel awfully proud when you realize that you CAN do those new things. 

finners attempted some chalk drawing too.
he managed to draw all over himself. 
but honestly i took the picture because ... i just don't want to ever forget these pudgy little hands and how they hold a piece of chalk.

chalk wasn't superty exciting ... but finners truly loves fridays.
garbage trucks.  recycling trucks.  and to top it off?  tractors mowing the park.  {heaven.}

i also just noticed that he kinda looks like a techie from backstage during the high school musical production of oklahoma. 

but shorter.

we picked ... flowers.

we hung around.

i (kinda successfully) managed to get all three kids into the same picture.

twice.

i think i need to learn to just live in the moment and say yes ... more often.

hard to walk away.

i (almost) made it out of the building without shedding a tear.

one of my students and her mom ... that i will forever love ... thanked me for what i had done for her daughter ... though it feels like so little ... compared to what she has done for me.  she started the pangs of missing her already.

i said goodbye ... to so many from this building that i have grown to love ... knowing that i will continue to see them as a parent ... but i won't be coming back as a teacher there.  and that made my heart hurt.

i closed the door to my office.  i probably will miss the skylight ... a little.

and then i said goodbye to stella's teacher ... and i lost it. 
totally and completely lost. it. 
maybe it's because of my comfort level with her ... or the fact that she probably knows more about me than anyone ... thank you stella.  or that she's pregnant and her hormones were making me wacky.  i don't know.

what i do know ... is .. i'm a blubbering fool when it comes to goodbyes and changes and transition in general.  like everyone ... i like to know what is around the corner.  i like to know who i'm going to run into.  i like to feel safe and comfortable and happy.

and yet. 

i'm venturing into the unknown of a new position.  a new school (or three).  a new place for me.
 ... something entirely different than what has been done before ... and it's good.  right?

it's good to do something new ... because if you don't?  you might just never know how much you might just love it. 

so, with tears in my eyes ... i stepped out of the unknown ... and into something entirely new. 

and i'm going to be ok with that.

i think

but i also do know that i'm so super wonderfully grateful that i have my three babies to love on all summer long. 

in the wise words of a friend that is retiring this year ... it's going to make for a softer landing.

why the end of the year CANNOT COME FAST ENOUGH.

i had to write an email to a friend the other day ...

to remark upon her post that she had put up the evening before ... because it really struck me ...
quite honestly ... everything she says strikes me. 
she is an amazingly eloquent writer ... and a lovely person too. 
and someday i will meet her *in person* just so that i can validate that truth.

and because sometimes i find myself funnier when i'm not trying to be funny ... i just thought you might want to hear why i'm fairly certain that the end of the school year cannot come fast enough ... taken from our email correspondence.

though it will probably come way. too. fast.

{just had to write} to tell you i love you.

after your post and your dancing ...

and i can't comment ... because i'm at work and i flipped over to your site for a mere minute in between groups because i needed to get my head away from attempting to teach homonyms.

oh holy hell.

homonyms are sort of the death of me ... like smacking my head against a brick wall.

ok kids ... REMEMBER! these words sound the same ... but they are spelled different and they mean different things. BUT!! they SOUND! the! SAME!!!!!!

let's see if you can figure out this one!!

it can mean mommy's little boy
OR!
it can mean something bright that shines in the sky ...

someone always guesses one of those ... like this ...

SUN!!! SUN!!! a sun is in the sky!!!!

ok yay!! you got this one {pointing}!!! what is this one{pointing}???

mommy's little boy.
hmmmmm. 
*mommy's little boy*
remember ... THEY SOUND THE SAME!

brother?
nope ... THEY SOUND THE SAME

boy??
gah. no ... they sound THE SAME!
why did you sigh?
keep trying!

daddy????
ohholyhellno. they SOUND THE SAME SAY THIS WORD AGAIN IT SOUNDS EXACTLY THE SAME IF YOU JUST SAY THIS WORD TWO TIMES YOU WILL GET BOTH OF THE ANSWERS RIGHT >>> THERE IS NO NEED TO EVEN THINK YOU WILL GET IT RIGHT IF YOU JUST SAY IT TWO TIMES.

(that part i just say in my head)
love you. even if she doesn't. thanks for giving me a minute away from homonyms.
about to teach idioms though.
save. me.

new angles. old angles.

life.  from a whole new angle.

sometimes ... i just don't want to think and analyze and determine the best this or that.

sometimes ... i just want to take a picture because it feels right.

sometimes ... there just isn't a perfect light or a perfect ISO or a perfect shutter speed.

sometimes ... there is just a perfect moment.

unlike my loverly camera that i am so in love with ...

(that totally needs a name ... talullah?  violet?)

my little phone camera fits in my pocket and let's me color outside the lines when i need to.

enjoying a little {free} fisheye lens action ... because lilacs make me smile.

{and fisheyes make me smile.  so together i supersmile.}

or take a picture of my boy ... in a style totally different from how i usually shoot.

because that's how my mood felt that day.

{he's searching the sky for daddy ... }

i can share a puddley yard with a friend ... in new york.

so that she can sympathize.  or laugh.  at my misfortune.

{yes.  my yard.  now you know why my basement flooded.}

i can share a found treasure with a treasured friend.

yes.  that's me.  on the left. 

with weird al yankovic.  who is obviously in the middle.

and my bestest friend sara ... the cute-not-amazonish-looking-girl on the right.

{would you ever believe that this was kind of normal for her and i to get to meet famous people at her dad's office.  like all the time.  new kids on the block.  met them.  janet jackson.  met her.  beach boys.  yep.}

i can take a picture of something that i never want to forget. 

{like how the baby boy rubs the silky part of his blue blankie against his ear as he nods off to sleep}

i can capture a breathtaking sunset. 

and fluffy white clouds floating through a deep blue sky.

the sky is calling me lately. 

isn't it just amazing?

it is endless.

and we are all underneath it.

even though you are where you are

which may or may not be anywhere near me ...

we are under the same sky.

crazycakes.

 and though it seems so small in comparison ...

the ground is teeming with things to see.

as long as you get down and look.

 there are even things that ... although they are stuck to the ground ...

find a way to let loose and float into the endless blue of the sky.

 you just never know where you will find that perfectly beautiful moment that you just must capture.
it's how i felt way back when i used film.
gasp.
creative.  energetic.  willing to try something new.  just because i could.
new angles.  old angles. 
funny how everything always comes full circle.

neither here nor there ... again.

last week ... i took the kiddos to the arboretum ...
after all that winterishness we've really been needing color in our lives.

sorry that you are getting bombarded with florals.  i just cannot get enough of color.  and how they mix and match.  and how they strike off of one another ... and how they are NOT. WHITE.

i am totally not admitting this publicly.  but stella had a doctor appointment that has nothing to do with the fact that i made her walk around, play soccer and chase boys at recess on a possibly sprained ankle. 
oh wait.
i'm not MAKING her chase boys. 
this little recess activity is oh-so-NOT-secretly driving me up the wall.

anyhoo.
i had heard there was rain in the forecast.  ha!  that little tidbit gets a little funnier when you find out that MY ENTIRE BASEMENT FLOODED that following weekend.  like ... carpeting in the driveway.  fans and vacuums running at all hours.  playroom in my living room. 
super funny.

and to think ... i was merely bummed that the rain might knock all the pretty little petals off of the tulips.  and that the blossomed crabapple trees might release their blanket of pink to the grassy carpet below ... if i didn't take the kids to get that perfect picture for above my piano ... TODAY.

mistake numero uno.

we i oogled over the tulips.  for a bit of time.

the sun was just enough out after a bit of rain in the morning ... we spent time enjoying life among the flowers.
i nursed finn in a garden of lilacs.
which can now be recorded as my favorite place to nurse ... of all time.
beating out the second and third place contenders ... in a bounce tent and in a barn.

i let the girly-girls use the superty mommy camera to take a few pictures ...

fun to see what caught their eye.
and then we decided to find the crabapple trees!  so that i could get that picture!
you know.  the one that was already printed on a canvas and hanging above my piano?
{in. my. mind.}

because ... this?
this sweet little boy right here ...
turned into a MONSTER.
a crying screaming sobbing ... i haven't taken a nap ... i don't want to go in the car ... i don't want to walk ... i don't want anything ... but i want that ... but i don't want that ... but i do ... give it to me ... {throw it on the ground} ... where is the freaking wine bar in this arboretum???  ... monster.

spoiler alert?
there are no more cute boy pictures in this post.

oh yay!  the picture!  the picture of my three beautiful children to hang above my pia ... what?  wait. 
there's only two.
where's finners?

oh ... hanging on my pants screaming biting my thigh.  yes.  biting my thigh.  because that was the only thing that would keep him from banging his head against the ground.
loverly.

so i tried the dump and run tactic.  i pulled out my wide angle ... slyly thinking no-one will ever be the wiser.
unless i blog this awesome experience.
you're welcome.

and also ... close ups.  because it's so much more perfect that way.

stella noticing a bug bite on cora.  cora's been getting these weird black fly (but they look like gnat) bites on her neck and head.  the rest of us don't seem to get them as much.  don't worry ... i won't even describe the bite and the ensuing bleeding because they don't just suck your blood ... apparently the females of the species saw out a piece of your flesh to eat ...  so. fun.

cora trying to show finn her dandelions.

oh.  and finn?  deserted by mommy and crying.

stella running to tell me about the bite.  in the panic stricken way that only a first born girl child could.

cora trying to figure out why stella keeps freaking out.

finners?  still crying.

stella ... out of the picture yet screaming in my ear.

cora ... dancing with her dandelions.  blissfully unaffected in a way that a happy little middle child can be.

finn ... sobbing in the background.

stella pointing out the bug bite ... because she's feeling that her mommy isn't paying any attention to her pleading cries of oh-my-help!-it's-bleeding!

cora ... carefree.  happy with dandelions.

finn?  trying to escape.  and crying.

stella ... ditto.

cora ... ditto.

finn ... ditto.

crabapple trees and the three mile drive to find them can just suck it.

oh hai pretty little lady tulips ... what's that you say?  you love piano music??  well ... do i have a nice little home for you.