looking into their eyes.

Many things catches your eyes, appreciate them. But few things catches your heart, pursue them.
-- Viju Chakavarthy

My eyes are an ocean in which my dreams are reflected.
-- Anna M. Uhlich



Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
-- Ellen DeGeneres



The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart.
-- Saint Jerome (374 AD - 419 AD), Letter

It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, my heart will never stir to the emotions with which yours is touched.
-- George Gissing (1857 - 1903)

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occasionally, in the midst of a day, i get the rare opportunity to stare into my children's eyes.

it sounds silly, doesn't it?

it's just that, generally, we are so busy doing and being that we forget to engage, fully, in each other. those chances when we can sit and drink in the ocean of blue in each other's eyes ...

it is during those moments that it seems as though the entire world stops ... for a brief second. before beginning to spin again.

i was lucky enough, yesterday, to experience the windows to both of my girly-girls. and i knew lying in bed last night, that i needed ... NEEDED ... to capture those eyes exactly as they are. right now. because there isn't going to always be a tomorrow or a next day. and i knew that i wanted to share them with you. and myself. so that i always have it on record that i love these two girly-girls with more than i ever thought possible.

that even on those days when i feel like the world is crumbling around us and i'm not sure that i should even be the mommy in the family ... that i can look back here and remember ... who they are and who i am. and feel my heart swell with love for them ... again and again.

they say that eyes are the window to a person's soul. and i realize that by looking into their eyes ... that i'm mostly doing this thing called parenting ... right.

it's my version of a mother nature kiss ... making everything better.

the angels were really not up to singing loud that day.

i guess ...

remember when i mentioned several times ... that we would be ripping up our carpeting to uncover the potential awesomeness that is the hardwood floors lying in hiding beneath the carpet in our house?

well ... i was convinced that the angels would sing upon the reveal.

notsomuch.

i think i was the only one singing and dancing. and that's not saying much.

(just for the record ... i can belt out a mean baby beluga and you are my sunshine. puts babies to sleep, i tell ya. and belly is incredibly fond of my do-re-mi and favorite things ... but she's more of a musical fan. and honestly ... i dance pretty good ... or at least i think so AFTER a few ... i mean, a lot of cocktails.)

onto the reveal ...

first we had a little work.

well ... i had a little work. i had to bring the girls to daycare. AND take pictures. (my workload decreased significantly when both fathers decided to show up and help! yeah dads!)

(please excuse the mess ... we are remodeling.)

here is my dad and husband doing something. and a cute cat walking across carpet padding. note: my dad is the one with grey hair.

here is my father-in-law making sure that the dog is getting attention. (and he did work ... but i didn't get a picture of that.)

here is a cat peeking into a roll of carpet. isn't he cute? (did i mention that i think this kitty is cute? 'cause honestly ... biggest pain in the ass cat you have ever met. he is a MONSTER. but totally photogenic. and cute. really cute. on paper. notsomuch in person.)

here is my dad (again ... note the grey hair) rolling up carpet or something.


now i'm realizing that these are totally NOT in order. but i'm incredibly too lazy to do something about that right now. i have a toddler begging me to play barbies (which i don't want to do ... shhhh.) and a baby waking up.

technically ... is an 18 month old a baby? who knows. remember, i don't have time for unnecessary crap!

and FINALLY - the before and after shots.

the after definition entails ... spending hours ripping up carpeting ... pulling out staples ... having lunch at my favorite greek restaurant ... going to home depot without kids! ... vacuuming ... washing floors ... shining floors ... scraping paint off of floors ... picking up kids ... making sure that everyone is wearing footwear AT ALL TIMES ... sanding in places ... washing AGAIN ... shining floors ... and putting little tiny pads - that are falling off already - on the bottom of all furniture to make sure that we take better care of the floors than anyone else before us.)

(and if you can't tell ... the after is on the right. but just pretend like you could notice so i feel like my life isn't a complete waste. thanks.)

and here is my dear coconut inspecting and dancing with joy upon completion of the results.

see ... i wasn't the only one that was dancing to the angelic music playing quietly in the background.
(i wasn't really 'raising the roof' in my dora slippers ... but who am i to judge her dance style?)

thanks...

thankful for the water main break that occurred at my school (and not my house).
and that school had to be cancelled today.

thankful for the fact that i have daycare.
and that i was able to have the girly-girls there while i took a mental health day.

thankful for the fact that i have a camera.
and that i was able to fool around a little and change my header, even though i'm not totally happy with it ... yet. (so yeah ... it was irritating me ... so i changed it back ... until i can get it to be what i want ... and i'm completely computer illiterate ... and working with an OLD photo program ... this might take awhile.) so i guess i should say that i'm thankful that i have that option, huh?

thankful for the fact that my husband is coming home tonight.
and that he will actually be home for thanksgiving.

thankful for the opportunity to rip out my carpeting tomorrow (did you hear the angels singing? did you?)
and that all of you will be crossing your fingers and toes that the hardwood is absolutely beautiful. (i already said you would ... so you will, right?)

thankful for the fact that my girly-girls will get picked up very very soon.
and that they will most likely run to me with screaming outstretched arms, completely unaware that i had abandoned them for the entire day.

yep ... i'm incredibly thankful for that.

what i'm thankful for ... spin cycle!

i typed in that title with the intention of joining in on the spin cycle fun set forth by sprite's keeper, once again ... and realized it sounds like i'm thankful for spin cycles.

and ... really??

i am.

i'm thankful for the voracious sound of the true spin cycle within my washing machine ... letting me know that the diapers are almost spinning near the end and i only have to send them through one more time before heading to bed. because there is plenty of time to dry them in the morning.

i'm thankful for the out of control spin cycle that my oldest daughter, belly, just went through ... reminding me that she is a true individual and i need to remember to hug her more often. to remind her how much she is absolutely loved ... without question. she is truly spinning the web of herself ... and i need to remember to enjoy it, rather than be fearful of it.

i'm thankful for the overwhelming spin cycle of friends that i have in real life and "friends" that i've developed within the bloggy world. reading their spins today has really reminded me what to be thankful for. all of my friends and "friends" help me to spin my own thoughts and ideas ... and help me to know and understand things better. including myself. i think i understand who i am better through writing and reading. and i'm thankful for that.

i'm thankful for the supportive spin cycle of a relationship that i have with my husband. he loves me regardless. and i'm incredibly thankful that he does. together we are making our best attempts at spinning a continuous line of love that will endure these tough times.

i'm thankful for the centered spin cycle of my family. they are my axis around which i am constantly spinning. they hold me together. even when i'm not sure i can.

i'm thankful for the artistic spin cycle of music and stories. through the spinning of a melody and tales, i can share words and the world with my children and so many other children. just introducing these things to children, can open doors that many kids never knew were there.

i'm thankful.

thanks for reminding me.

wind ... and rainbows.

as fast as that whirligig of a crazy daughter i mentioned last thursday blew in ... the attitude glimpse of our most certain future - blew back out.

thank god (goddess) ... whichever. thank you.

you can see her sweetness evidenced in a picture below. that smile could just about melt the grinch's heart. don't you think?

belly and i spent last friday night, putting coconut to bed ... and spending some quality time making a "dish" for a party on saturday. it's a completely uncomplicated, but time consuming recipe.

but in the end ... it makes a rainbow. and what little girl doesn't love things that look like a rainbow?

thankful today for wind ... and rainbows.

where oh where has my baby gone?

holy.
life at the coconutbelly household has been chaotic lately.

belly, my super sweet 4 and a half year old. has turned into a holy terror. she has begun this defiant, testing her boundaries, assertive, loud, 4 going on 16 personality shift.

that i don't quite know what to do with.
but at the same time i want to encourage ... because someday ... several of those are the traits that i'm going to cherish about my daughter.

my strong strong beautiful kind wonderful daughter.

for now ... all i can do is pick her up and squeeze her in a bear hug ... and ask her how much her mommy loves her. if she doesn't respond, i remind her gently that ...

mommy's love is as big as the universe. or the galaxy.

(whichever is bigger.)

she's been eating like a horse. she eats dinner and then needs another bedtime snack after having the first bedtime snack. or a growth spurt of some kind?

or the after effects of the ear infection that lasted through 2 rounds of antibiotics? and hopefully isn't preparing for a third.

i can't imagine what it would feel like to feel that out of control. to feel like your head is aching ... but at the same time the pain has become your constant friend (so you don't feel it so much anymore). to feel like your body is revving up for another 3 inches of growth in the matter of a week. to realize that you are trying so desperately to find your place in the world and determine what you can do and say about it. to understand that everyone is talking about your world and you don't always get a say in it. because we think it's sometimes easier that way.

i'm sorry baby.

i'm sorry that mommy can't always make it better. i'm sorry that i can't always kiss away your pains. i'm sorry that mommy sometimes has to enforce a rule that you don't enjoy. i'm sorry that your poor little ears can't get better (if i could have made them more efficient at minimizing ear infections ... i would have. believe me.) i'm sorry that i do things sometimes because i need to keep myself afloat. and that i don't always relish your opinion as a deciding factor. i'm sorry that sometimes i get mad at you ...

i'm learning that, more often, i need to give you hugs instead of time outs. because without saying it ... that is what you are asking for.

and that maybe ... during these times when i'm feeling that life has gotten too chaotic ... so are you. and what we really need is a few moments of uninterrupted time together. it will help us both to get our feet on the ground again.

favoritism DOES exist. it's the spin cycle!

once again, sprite's keeper has convinced me to participate in a little somethin' she calls
the spin cycle ...

this weeks topic is:
favoritism DOES exist.

in which she challenges us to dust off (out?) our archives and find a post (or posts?) that we loved, that remarkably ... potentially ... quite honestly, no one else has ever seen.

and this is my (current) spin on it. (i had to tweak some of the colors a little, you know me.)
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this was a smart-ass letter written to some crazy weirdo that confronted me in a children's clothing store ...

hey mr.
hi sir...i know that you really don't care about me or my family, but i wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity to have a discussion with my four-year-old about racism and "naughty words".

gosh, i've been meaning to explain why some people don't like others that are just a little different from them. i've been meaning to explain and pop her little bubble of obliviousness to the color of people's skin. i've been meaning to explain that everyone is a little different...but i was silly to think that i would be able to approach that conversation in a positive manner. and now, for my "sincerest" apologies.

i'm sorry, that in the back of the CHILDREN'S store that we were all in (looking for a bargain), that i replied in a semi-sarcastic tone to your question.

you really did NEED to know how to discriminate between the girl clothes and the boy clothes.

my answer of, "i guess i just look for blue or pink," was obviously not helpful.

but then again, i'm also very sorry that i hadn't put in my application to work there a few weeks prior, been interviewed and provided with that position that was posted on the doorway and then been TRAINED in customer service techniques; so that i would be more equipped to answer your question.

i, honestly, just was there shopping for some games to put in my daughter's hand-me-down thingamajig that you can no longer buy cartridges and books for. so, therefore, i had ventured into said store to buy outdated learning materials for MY daughter. so sorry, i guess i didn't make it obvious that i wasn't an employee. i should have been breastfeeding - not just carrying - my 11 month old in a sling and i maybe should have been more obviously singing, "i'm shopping ... i'm shopping" while slinging my purse over my shoulder or maybe, possibly, i should have just said "i don't work here".

it really was my fault, that i wasn't obvious enough as to my status within the shop.

i know that my pink vs. blue comment really bothered you when you decided to go and complain about my professionalism to the ACTUAL employees, who were also really disgusted that one of the employees would have provided you with that comment.

and then when someone officially directed you to what you were looking for, i'm sorry that the store was closing (i should have been striving harder to become ceo of the company) and that one of my fellow employees actually mentioned that you should start making your way to the front of the store.

and super sorry that she wasn't the appropriate "race" for the job of providing you with this information.

you had every right to start swearing and making racial comments in front of the children.

if you don't teach them, who will??

i do have to say, i owned up to the pink/blue comment with my superiors...and after you left i was harshly punished.

i was fired, in fact.

i won't be working there anymore.

but then again, after you left - they mentioned hoping that you never come in there again either.

me, i don't care where you shop...i just hope that something in your life has improved since this very frustrating day that you stumbled into my career life.

(and my mom still swears that you walked out with a pair of pants)

--regretfully yours, jen

p.s. and i venture to bet that you are currently steaming about our PRESIDENT-ELECT, huh??