i never said my middle name was cohesive.

it's liv.

and there's a whole'nother story about that ...

that we'll get to ...

eventually, i'm sure.

but for now?

there are things in my brain that are a'knocking.

mind if i do a little mind spill for a bit?



my amazingly talented friend (gosh it's nice to have such amazingly talented friends ...)

KNIT these overalls.

like with her own two hands, knit these ... OVERALLS.

i die.

i may ask her to knit him a new pair every single year of his life so that even when he's 23 and (kinda) all growed up (yet still my baby ... of course) ... he can still wear them.

because i love them so...

(and if you ever see a grown up 23 year old man wearing similarly knit overalls ... tell him to tell his mama hi.  but please don't laugh at him.)

so ... i relished my thursday off yesterday ...

sat in my chair and drank my coffee. 

sent stellers out the door to school - even though the mama side of me just wanted to keep her all home and cuddled up with us ...

and watched this.

these two little lives are unfolding.  and growing.  and it's pretty damn amazing catching glimpses of them playing quietly with their little people and animals and reading books amidst nests of blankets.

alternately titled ...

and then there's this whole new ballgame around our house ...

it's truly a boy phenomenon.  he knows instinctively what to do with them.  jeremy's old matchbox cars were dusted off and now vroom and roll across the floor powered by finn's sweet pudgy little hands.

and within minutes everyone is piled upon my lap ...

(i love the art in pinkalicious books.  i want to live in a pinkalicious book.)

there is so much beauty in this world of mine. 

though sometimes i forget to look for it.

putting my camera back in my hands to capture MY family moments helps me to rediscover it though ...

like this.

i need to remember moments like these.

like when cora at age three and a half is bound and determined to dress herself.  without help.  all by myself.  watch me mama.  i can do it all by myself!  i can pick out my clothes and i can do it!  i bet i can do it before you count to thirty-forty!

dude ... it totally matches.

it all has ...

cats and florals. 

and i can remember ...

that funny little curl that rises off the boy's head after a snooze.

auntie lulu calls it the mullet.

it's getting a little mullet-ish.

but still cute.

and then we went out and did something ... though i can scarcely remember what because it probably involved just plain getting out of the house for some reason or another ...

and then we came home and spent the next few minutes ...

for the bus.

and big sister stella ... of course ...



what HE sees ...

what SHE sees ...

now that's love.

please tell me i wasn't the only parent ill-prepared for "superhero" day.

i was going to outline for you ... everything that happened prior to me realizing one hour before the bus came that it was superhero day ...

but i won't.

because it involves a lot of crabby mommy and early wake ups and coffee.

instead ... i would just like to note ... that because i was able to throw together a superhero cape in less than one hour, on no sleep, with three wide awake children that ate breakfast AND got ready ...

i am officially the only superhero in the family.

though only the one that was going to school got a cape. 

because godforbid you don't have a cape for superhero day.

even if mommy really only had good satiny cape material in purple.

purple ... just. won't. do.

super stella?

wears pink.  only.  pink.

this is how a superhero brushes her teeth while her supermommy takes pictures with her supercamera.

this is how a superhero spits.

note the raised left leg at an (almost) perfect 90 degree angle.

note the brother eyeing the hairbands and hair paraphenelia  paraphernelia crap

 that he pulled out of the drawer.

and i'm totally recommending a princess day next.

because i could pull that off in a mere minute flat.

away.

i hugged and i kissed three little souls and one big one and then i said goodbye.  and then i remembered that i forgot something and i hugged and i kissed three little people and one big one and then i said goodbye again.
and then someone started crying about being tired and not feeling good and just wanting mommy TOSTAYHOMEWITHME ... NONOTDADDY ... IWANTMOMMY ... {sobsobsobsobsob} ...

and my heart broke a little.

and then a little munchkin waddled to the door as quick as can be and stood reaching for the moon the doorhandle with all of his might eagerly watching to see if i would grab his coat and his shoes and bundle him up for a car ride and take him with me.  and i reallyreallyREALLY wanted to.

but i didn't.

and my husband (god i love him) scooped up the babes and hugged on the middle and said "i can't believe you are leaving me here ... with this." in a teasing sort of way as he sing-songingly bribed the kids into watching mommy and waving to mommy out the window ...

and i walked out.
purposefully not locking the door behind me.
because that felt like a finality that i just wasn't ready for this morning.

and i heard a click.

so i was locked out anyways.
well ... as locked out as you can be whilst holding a key.

and i trudged to the truck.
and turned the key.
and backed out of the driveway.
and pulled forward infront of the house.
and descended the window.
and waved frantically at my littles.  my hearts.
and signed i love you to my husband.  my love.
and i closed the window.
and kept on driving.
and slid around the freaking icy corner (damn rearwheeldrive).
and went away.

and it's awesome and it's beautiful and it's heart-heavy and it's frustrating and it's only 8 hours and it's a blip and they are loved when they are not with me and i know that and i know this is good and i know this is a must and i know that it's what some people dream of and i know that i'm doing something good for people and i know that ... but sometimes i just have to tell myself ...

right?

and i also know that it's just really really hard for me somedays ... and so i just felt compelled to tell you all of that.
thanks for listening.

insert witty title here.

i sit here with fingers itching to write.
about what?
i'm just not sure.
but i feel an itch.

that restlessness in myself grows at times.  it's there pulsing beneath my surface.  wanting to say something.  and yet i'm really struggling right about now with the what to say and the is it really important and does anyone really care anyways.  and the ... worry.
and then, sometimes it quiets and rests gently while i go about doing what i do.  everyday.  not knocking or barging it's way out of myself. 

it reminds me of the seasons, i'd guess.  as someone that is hyperaware of living in a space that has such a distinction between seasons.  i think i'm thankful for that.  i was when i lived somewhere that didn't.  though THIS season is really taking a toll on me.
i'm rather certain that there is beautiful blades of green grass somewhere beneath the gigantuous piles of white that cover my world.

and i'm feeling this need to write.  and to explore.  and to get us the hell out of the house. 

and so i am (trying).  and we are (trying).  and we did.

today was a day of epic warmth.  that will likely be bundled between days of freezing cold.
the type of weather that brings neighbors out of their houses and causes people to stop and talk in the street amidst the walking of the dogs, rather than bundled to their noses and quickly marching to their (warm) destinations.  and in desperate search for some vitamin d ... we ventured out to a minneapolis landmark.  and i purposely left the coats in the car and i brought my camera and my mom.

and then cora started in with the three year old whining ...
and so my mom (thank you mooma) returned to the car to grab her coat.
which ceased some of the whineyness. 

i said some.

and inside the greenhouses ... we saw green. 
lovely lovely lovely green.
i've missed green.

like, really really missed green. 

it's amazing how when you don't see something for quite some time.  that when you finally do ... you really see it.

i really think i really like to really use the word really.

did you see all the green?

i also happen to see a lot of this lately.

the boy.

walking AWAY from me.

and the minneapolis landmark i told you about. 

and what we came for.

no.  not the cherry in the spoon.

what we came for ... that blue sky.

that beautiful blue ocean of a sky that i don't think we've haven't seen enough of lately.  and when we have seen it ... it's been so flipping cold out that you didn't want to stand beneath it. 

today, though?  i wanted to swim in that sky.  i wanted to soak up the sun and be surrounded by the blueness.  i couldn't help but kneel upon the ground to let that sky into all of my pictures.

 except for this one.  in which you can see the two distinct personalities of my girly-girls and two men that i do not know. 
(sorry men that i do not know for this is not a very flattering picture of either of you.)
and you can also see my mom that is apparently ignoring the sign that stella read that said "DO NOT CLIMB ON THE SPOON WITH A CHERRY THINGY"
or she was just really glad that cora had moved her whiny away from her for a minute.
have i mentioned the whiny?

and the kids got to "swing" on the art.  which felt a lot more like swinging when you haven't swung in quite some time.

see that smile?

god, i miss that smile.



oh hello sun. 

it's been awhile.

i've missed you too.

(and just for the record - i've deleted the pictures of finners screaming to get back to the swing and of cora - my daredevil - hanging onto the wires for dear life.  you're welcome.)

a minnesota boy.  for sure. 

blonde haired.

blue eyed. 

eating snow.

in no coat.

in february.

posed in front of a minneapolis landmark.

the cute kinda kills me.

i wish there was a nice way to end this. 

a pretty little final phrase or sentence or story ... that would put this random stream of conciousness into a nice neat little blog post.  something that you could walk away with and feel like you actually gained something from coming here.

instead.

i'm just going to say good night.

because it's late.  and i'm tired out from a very colorful day with old friends.

thank you sky and sun and warm.  you've been missed.

i heart hearts. (and faces too, of course)

so.  you know how sometimes you get a spark?
that spark in your imagination that goes tumbling into overdrive as you are lying in bed.  awake.  (of course).  because why would someone that never gets to sleep actually fall asleep when they are given the opporunity?
and then that spark ignites an idea that you just. can't. shake.
and you work at that idea until it actually comes into fruition ...

or maybe it's just me??
please tell me it's not just me.

so yeah.
this is one of those sparks.

it all started with finn's birthday.  and the spark that ignited needing to put him into a vw bus (the theme of his nursery) ... and not being able to find a vw bus to take a picture of ... and realizing that i could kindasorta draw a vw bus.  so i did.  and i put him in it.  and it makes me smile everytime i see it.  on my piano.  (because doesn't everyone have a framed picture of their one year old baby driving a vw bus on their piano?)

and then i heard that i {heart} faces was going to be having a theme of hearts this week.

and i envisioned living somewhere warm.
i really really REALLY envisioned living somewhere warm.
(like checked out real estate in warmer places envisioned living somewhere warm).
and i dreamed of hanging woolen hearts from a tree and had the children picking sweethearts and the grass is green and the trees have leaves and it's warm enough to not be wearing a gajillion layers of clothing...

and then the weather hit no degrees.  again.  and it was freezing butt cold outside and i didn't want to even kinda bundle my kids up if i didn't HAVE to. 

and so i went to bed.

and there was a spark.

this was my spark.
it didn't turn out exactly how i had planned.  but it's semi-close.
and dude?
it's fun.
and the kids think it's fabulous that they are picking sweethearts out of a tree.
and it makes me smile.

and that's kind of what photography, and art in general, are all about ... right?

check out i {heart} faces for more ... probably much more photograpically beautiful faces.  and hearts.  of course.