a rainbow disguised as a sunset.

so yeah.

there was another post here that may have shown up in a reader or two last night ... that has since disappeared.  i fretted it.  i had dreams about it.

seriously.  dreaming about the blog.  there's something incredibly wrong with that. 
a dream that last night's post and my silly little header up there were on a major news program.  people were commenting on television about me.  and my thoughts.  and my emotion.

and i woke up realizing that it didn't feel right.
there was too much heartache and pain and worry and fear and depression in that post. 

my heart wrote it ... but my brain deleted it.
because as depressed as i was feeling about it all last night ... i woke up feeling ok.

and tonight?
as the sun dropped itself into the trees ... there were so many colors.  practically a rainbow of pink and yellow and orange streaks against the ocean blue of the evening sky.

and my children?
sat upon the back of the sofa, watching the sun disappear ... sending each other into fits of giggles. 

i closed my eyes and softly cried at the beauty of that moment.

my three children giggling.

there has never been a sweeter sound.

i sit back tonight and realize that life is full of rainbows ... you just have to make it through the rainstorm first.

fix it friday ...

also known as ...

what i do while i pump on friday mornings ...

(aren't you glad that i shared that information?)

over at i {heart} faces ... they have a fix-it friday challenge ... a reader/participant shares a photo and we all get a chance to edit it.  (you can too!)
it's a fun challenge considering i rarely get pictures to edit of anyone other than my own kids!

this is what shelle from mommy can't sing had to say about her picture! ...
"This is a photo of my 16 months old baby girl. I am currently doing a 365 challenge where I take at least one photo per day. This was one of the photos. Unfortunately, before Daylight Savings a lot of time I was scrambling to take a photo before the light was gone. Well, in this photo it was beyond gone! But my baby was sitting there so sweetly that I couldn't resist taking her photo. The color is bad and the background is messy, but just love her face!"

dear shelle ... is there anything such as a non-messy background in real life?  love, me.

here is my end result ... created on picnik (free editing program!) ...

and yes ... i do realize the confusion in the text "my baby girl" ... see below ...

... DISCLAIMER ...

... not MY baby girl ... but she is pretty adorable ...

depth of field ... a you capture challenge.

depth of field 

–noun Optics, Photography

the range of distances along the axis of an optical instrument, usually a camera lens, through which an object will produce a relatively distinct image.

oh ... how i love thee(s picture) ... let me count the ways ...

1.  kinda purplish

2.  my girl's hands

3. lilacs

4. it's what i was trying to do (and that doesn't always happen)

5.  bokeh. delicious bokeh.

a silly smile.  goof.

and more delicious bokeh.

oh ... my heart.

check out beth for more depth of field posts ... there is sure to be plenty o' beauty at her place ...

i ... something or other ...

i am ... now officially a minivan driving soccer mom.  eek.

i want ... my children to be happy. and thatisall.
i have ... dreams of doing new things. with success.

i wish ... i had unlimited amounts of patience and yelled less.

i fear ... that wasps are finding their way into my house and that jeremy isn't going to be home when i need them gone.

i search ... for the answers to my life questions - big and small. all night long.

i wonder ... if my children hear enough i love yous.

i regret ... not knowing that i could know more about the one that got away.

i love ... my children. my husband. and coffee. and giggles. and baby smiles. and lilacs.

i always ... wear my stella-cora-finn necklace.  always.

i usually ... remember to put out the garbage.
i am not ... who i was ten years ago.
i dance ... terribly.  in my living room.  with loud music.  and my children giggling.
i sing ... made up songs to my children.  and you are my sunshine.  and baby beluga. 
i never ... get *enough* sleep.
i rarely ... get to work on time.  close.  but not exactly on time.
i cry ... all. the. time.  i blame it on hormones.

i know ... that i am loved.

i need ... to love myself more.

i should ... go to bed.

i {heart} flowers AND faces.

flowers and faces, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

i've always loved taking pictures of flowers.
my film was always filled to the brim with rose gardens and lilacs and dandelions
(yes ... those totally count as flowers. on camera.)

and then i had kids.

and in turn, i dedicated oodles of (digital - now) film time to pictures of my kids.

and today ... stella and i took some time to get a flowers and faces shot for the current i {heart} faces challenge ... a fabulous assignment for someone that loves flowers and her kids ...

flowers and faces

click here to see more beautiful entries ...

a good excuse to post something ... yellow ...

i've been trying to find a way to post these super cute pictures of my friend's puppy.  without being all ... oh look!  cute puppy!  that doesn't even belong to me!

because that's a little weird.

or maybe not.

puppies are just about the cutest thing behind happy sleeping smiling babies.

meet ... luna ...

luna was born the day after finn. 

and thank god finn doesn't move as much as she does. 

yet.

cora ... my little middle who is absolutely terrified of dogs. 

yes ... that would be the child that LIVES WITH a 95 pound chocolate lab.

she's shake-to-the-bones-scared of barking dogs.  (note:  the 95 pound chocolate lab at home rarely barks.)

well ... lil' miss cora adores this puppy.  and in turn ... the puppy is so extremely calm around her.  luna will jump on stella ... but is so careful to be quiet with cora.  smart pup.

and we jump at the chance to "allow" my good friend to socialize her with the girls.  because honestly ... socialize = early bedtime
(based on the fact that my children run around the yard even more than the puppy does.)

and my excuse to be able to post these pictures of a little YELLOW lab puppy? 
visit beth over at i should be folding laundry to see more sunshiney yellow things in her you capture challenge this week.


hopefully she doesn't kick me out for adding pictures of a "yellow" lab.

love stella

love stella, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

the challenge over at i heart faces this week is celebrating mom.



many more beautiful entries ... HERE.

we had a very minimalistic mama day this year.

and i'm not complaining.

(well ... i maybe complained just a little about the early wake up time of the kids and the having to do dishes and the meal preparation and the laundry and the emptying of the dishwasher.  and the husband that left me alone.  with all the children.)

but i received two of the most beautiful gifts.

a gorgeous little painted and decorated little box from cora ... to keep my pinecones in. (because i apparently have an abundance of pinecones.)

and this.
a little note from stella. along with a picture of yours truly.

(by the way ... don't believe everything you read.)

because chicken is NOT my favorite food.

baseball.

the twins game.  on tv. 
hanging with boppa while mama puts the girly-girls to bed.

it must be a boy thing. huh?

3 is totally big.

my (wow.  i can say it now.) three year old ... has always LOVED her nuk nuk.

LOVED.
(note the all capitals)

LOVED.
(note the past tense verbage)

it's funny.
looking back now ... i knew so much about her before she was even born.  i just didn't realize how all of that was truly going to be pieces of her personality. 
like how she would jump in utero at the sound of a dog barking - and now?  the girl hates barking dogs are not her favorite. 
i remember watching her little wiggling body during an ultrasound and witnessed her attempting to suck her thumb ... she ended up poking herself in the eye ... but ...  and how i could constantly feel her wiggle around and then settle. movement of arms and then a full body relax.  i realized during my pregnancy that this girl was going to be either a thumb sucker or a pacifier kid. 

being the speech-language pathologist that i am.  i popped a pacifier in ... because i'm not really that into thumb amputation.
and i could totally take away the pacifier before she turned one. 
because teeth position and jaw stability and interdental /s/ production and yada yada yada ...

so yeah. 
and then she was about to turn three.
and i realized it was now or never.

because 3 is totally big.

she was going to send her nuk-nuks to sophie.
because they were girly and finn wouldn't like them.
and then?  two nights before the big T-H-R-E-E ...
sending them away became not-such-a-cool-idea.
(sara?  you. are. welcome.  i'm thinking you were not too keen on getting a bunch of used nuk-nuks in the mail.)

plan b.
(aka ... plan mama had to come up with real quick to save face.)

SCISSORS.

oh yeah.  you can use my big girl scissors!  cut the nuk nuks! (then you can still hold them ... but you can't suck them ... because big girls don't use nuk nuks!  yippee!)
and she bought it.

so ...

monday morning.  i went in a snapped a picture of my sleeping three year old.
(what?  you don't take pictures of your sleeping children?)
darn.  i was hoping for the nuk nuk usage shot.

so i whispered a happy birthday song to her. 
and she smiled.
put up her hand.
and said ... "mama no talkin'.  it's seeping time."
i responded with a plea of birthdays! and turning three! and big girls!
she wasn't going to fall for it.
"mama.  it.  is.  seeping time.  no talkin'."

finally.  i got the girl outta bed.  for this.  my baby girl.

a picture of her with her nuk nuk!  for the last time!
i got out the BIG scissors.  because there was no going back.

snip snip.
sniff sniff.  (that was me.)

my baby girl is three.

three is totally big.

three.

birthdays and such 259, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

happy birthday sunshine.
i can't believe you are three. 
actually ... i can't believe that i've ever lived my life without you. 

and now?  no more nuk-nuk.
it's gonna be a long night ... isn't it?

i love you. so so so so so much.