refrigerator pickles. and water parks.

yum.
we've pretty much had cucumbers exploding from our ears these past few weeks.  in fact.  if you showed up to the garage sale AND expressed interest in gardening, plants, composting and/or cucumbers ... you may have been forced to take a few with you when you left.

the ladies that expressed interest in my red and green tomatoes, though?  totally had to pay fifty cents ... because i'd not yet had the opportunity to eat one. 

but cucumbers?  ALL YOURS.

and we've been eating them quite a bit lately.  stella likes them with ranch.  cora likes them on her sandwiches.  finn avoids them.

but all of us like them this way.

in fact?  at dinner the other night?  we ate a total of 2 cucumbers just.like.this.

(sharing my grandma's ancient cucumber secrets with y'all.  you can thank me later.)

step one.
cut up your cucumbers ... we've been blessed with skinny long cucumbers this year.  (my favorite).  i'm fairly certain that that has to do with the type that i planted ... but i have no idea.  we cut them up variety pack style.  1.  skinny slices.  2.  fat slices.  3.  half peeled. (which makes them have a stripey wonderful pattern.  obviously my favorite.)  4.  and full peeled. 

2.  put them in something.  add water. 

3.  add salt.  and here's where my best friend sometimes wants to ex-best friend me ... because i have no idea on the amount.  i add a bunch.  and when i stick my finger in the water and taste it?  it tastes like a slightly salty watery flavor. 

4.  let sit.  in the refrigerator.  usually.  see that pretty stripey goodness?

5.  after awhile ... take them out and pour out about 1/4 to 1/3 of the water.  add vinegar.  (we got crazy this time and used apple cider vinegar.  surprisingly good.)  put them back in the refrigerator and let them soak in the vinegar and salt water solution. 

and then?  take this poor boy to the splash pad that you mentioned before actually starting the refrigerator pickles. 

summertime.  consists of refrigerator pickles and water parks.  i don't want it to ever end.

hover.

i hovered over her ... like a new mama watches frettingly over her newborn baby.
except my baby laid swaddled amongst mountains of pink and green quilts in the top bunk of the bunk bed.  little baby left.  long lanky legs.  a mess of sweatydrenched hair upon her pillow.

her breathing was shallow.  so shallow.  and within her chest i could feel the fluttering of her heart.
too fast.
much too fast for a normal night of sleep.
she stirred.
while i struggled knowing that i agreed to the vaccine that coursed through her body making her feel this way.  (please let us not get into the vaccine argument ... i struggle enough within my own heart as it is.)

she began fitfully tossing around freeing her arms and legs from the tightly bundled blankets. 
she awoke and i pulled her down into my arms.  took temperatures.  laid lukewarm cloths upon her forehead.  offered medicine ... hoping that it would allow us a few hours of sleep.
she slept tossing and turning.

i hovered.

until the sun started to peek through the curtains
and her temperature settled.
and her breathing relaxed into the softness of her spot beside me in my bed.
and her heartbeat s.l.o.w.e.d. enough that i didn't fear it any longer.

her heart.

is amazing and beautiful. i remember watching it on a screen while she hovered inside of me.  it was always their little heart flutters that sent me into tears.  because it proved to me that they were. 

we've learned that the heart i watched so strongly beating at one time ... has a funny little murmur.  a whistle of sorts.  and though this illness and this heart stuff have no common ground ... i'm realizing how much worry that this has put in me.  and we're still learning more about it. 

what we do know for certain?  is that her heart loves.  big.  and i guess that's the most important thing.

where.

i keep telling myself this ...

there is so much sometimes.  changes.  that terrify me and excite me.  things that we know and feel safe with are tossed aside rambunctiously to try new things that in the end will make better.  but create major uncomfort right now. 

and it's so silly.  because we were in this boat once before ... and didn't feel right with it then.  and it (maybe. kinda) still doesn't feel totally right.  but we're doing it anyways. 

and i have to keep telling my thoughts (and my husband) that this?  right here?  is exactly what we are supposed to be doing. 

welcome to vague blog post number 283. 

in more exciting news?

please excuse me.  i am a mere cellphone camera photo.  jen didn't bother to take out the big girl camera for me.

we've been eating at home a lot.  it's in our "saving money" plan. 
cherries are delicious.
they look pretty in a bowl.
you will totally confuse non-blogger children when you tell them to wait a second while you take a photo of their food before they are allowed to consume it.
um.  why is your mom taking a picture of the cherries?

the heat has forced us inside more than i would like.
which tends to lead to a lot of time on the kindle.
or this ...

which i totally stalk with my camera. 
because holy cuteness.
i love that they just love to be together.

my kitchen table constantly looks like this.
and little people towns adorn my living room floor.
and yes.  that is a pizza crust rising on my kitchen table with a mess of art supplies and christmas tree airplane director people lights surrounding it.  oy.

you should never trust a two year old boy with a spray hose in his hands.
because he will spray you.
even if you are holding the big girl camera.
which you will quickly stuff into your shirt without cares as to what the neighbors caught a glimpse of ... and then you will learn never to trust a two year old with a spray hose.

hi.  i'm a phone picture again.  mom had to take me out when the two year old attempted to murder the big girl camera.

that troll is from my grandma's collection.  i miss her everytime that i see him.

speaking of missing people.  today was what would have been papa joe's 90th birthday.  we celebrated on sunday.  with cake.  and less tears than i had expected.  and it's this quote that makes my heart hurt today ... thinking of him.  and the family he left too soon.

happy birthday papa joe.  i hope you having a grand party celebrating.  you are so so missed.

my girlygirls are taking piano lessons.  oh.my.heart.
i tear up every time i see them sit down to practice. 

see?
pure excitement around here.

we are (exactly) WHERE we are ... meant. to. be.

enjoying the everydayness ... an i {heart} faces challenge

it's funny ... how sometimes my world urges me to write what feels like big and meaningful things.
and how other times?
i just want to enjoy my jellybeans and show you a photo of my son doing the same.

after so long of a time when the camera came out for sessions ... i'm starting to remember to pull the big girl camera out for me and us too.  because isn't that what got me into this in the first place?

summers are crazy in that carefree chaos sort of way.

but i enjoy that everydayness. 
i find myself in it ...
and one thing that i KNOW about myself?  is that i really love jellybeans.
sometimes?  it's just that simple.
head on over to i heart faces to see more beautiful images from the "enjoying life" category.