Saturday, June 25, 2011

so much.

sometimes ... there is just so much in here.  in my head.  and i want to write lovely little notes and tell you about things and tippitytap my fingers across the letters.

and i do.

in my head.  in my bed.  late at night.  when the world is sleeping and i should be too ... but i'm not.  because my head is thinking and exploding with thoughts and ideas and this and that.

things that i really want to tell you about ... but can't necessarily take the time to write.  and so i think them. 

i think about telling you about how stella is finally riding a bike.  like really riding it ... well enough to go on long bike rides with us.  and about how on those long bike rides i find pretty things like fields full of wild grasses (perfect photo location) and patches of stones ... rocks ... and little teeny tiny baby agates. 

and i want to tell you about how finn is so cute now ... because whenever you say a person's name in that way that you would when you are calling for them from across the house or under a blanket hiding ... he answers back with "a--youuuu?" and it's adorable and sweet.  and how he is amazingly this little boy.  and i'm kind of liking trucks and tractors and busses and wheels and the noises that everything makes.  even though i never thought i would. 

i want to tell you about how hard it is with three.  and how i never thought i would have three.  and how lucky i am to have three.  but that sometimes it's just really hard and confusing and difficult and occasionally i just cannot wait for seven o clock to come ... because that means that i will be ushering them towards bedtimes in the not too distant future.

i want to tell you about cora ... and how crazily crazy and loud and obnoxious she is in this so adorable way.  and how she mentioned to me the other day, as we rode off to a doctor's appt the other day (fearful that she had ringworm because someone told me that ... but didn't.  thankfully.  just a funny little something or other.  it's gone now.) and we were alone and she said ... "so.  it's just you and me.  that's special."  and it was.  because it's rarely just her and i.  and i'm trying to fix that.  i can't imagine being the middle.  kind of lost but at the same time ... really important being both a big and a little sibling.  and hard.

and my life isn't all hard.  it's beautiful and it's lovely.  and i'm getting to do things that i love.  like take pictures of people.  and it's amazing because it uses all of me.  it uses the smiling social me and the creative me knocking at the door.  together.  and it's fun.  plus ... also? babies. 

and sometimes i'm sorry that i don't just stop by to tell you those things.  i'm sorry that sometimes i can't just put these thoughts into a neat little package ... tied together with a giveaway or a life lesson or an ending.

and so i sometimes just don't.

but i should ... because really?  this isn't about you.  it's me.  and us. 

and i realized all of that tonight while tweeting with a friend.  who feels many of those same things.  and i had challenged us to write for 10 minutes.  just 10 minutes.  words.

and i did.  except that it was actually 14. 

thanks for listening.


anymommy said...

Thanks for sharing your gorgeous words. That's it right there on your page - we should all let go and just write for ten minutes a day.

Tracy P. said...

That was fabulous for 14 minutes. I should try that more often. I think I'm afraid if I open that can of worms a whole lot more than 14 minutes will spill out and it will take hours to put the puzzle pieces together in an intelligible way. This is fabulous evidence that I shouldn't allow that to stop me.

You have a delightful way with words, Jen!

krista said...

"i'm sorry that sometimes i can't just put these thoughts into a neat little package ... tied together with a giveaway or a life lesson or an ending."
oh, how this resonates...sometimes i wonder why i can't write my life like a television show. full of tied ends and cliffhangers you know will be answered eventually. rather than the loose strings of real life dangling all over my screen.
so glad i stumbled upon you.