the required 2010 new years post ... kinda.

belly and lights, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

i sat. last night. (believe it or not.)

and thought. without doing much of anything else.
(at least until i saw the belly amidst twinkling lights and decided that it needed to be recorded with the camera.)

i thought about how 2010 ... is the year i never saw coming. it's the year that i never knew i was going to have. it's the year in which i become the mama of three.

and it's not so far away.
the midwife told me on monday ... super secret ... but in a week and a half ... they wouldn't stop labor from moving forward. (she also noted that pregnancy could also go for another 8 weeks or so ... but ... i chose not to listen very well to that statement ... and i suggest highly that you don't either.)


and i'm feeling confident.
about labor.
about bringing a baby home.
about being the rock that my girls need me to be as they adjust into their new roles of biggEST sister and bigger sister.
about working.
about raising 3 children with an amazing husband that is gone way too often.
about who i'm becoming.

and my single resolution for the year is to harbor this confidence that i feel right now as i lie in front of twinkling lights and feel this baby moving around and hear my girly-girls asleep in their bed.

that's all.

here's to hoping that you are sharing in this confidence as you venture into your 2010 as well.
happy new years to all of you out there.
thanks for helping me along the way.

apparently someone in texas has too much time on their hands ...

So far ... this is the wackiest holiday letter we have received this year.  apparently ... "big news" in our area a few weeks ago surrounded an episode that occurred when a certain somebody came to town to sign books.

and no ... it wasn't the pioneer woman.

and there was another certain someone that decided they didn't like that first certain someone and threw tomatoes at her.  i guess they missed.  (honestly ... i didn't know that until i read this letter.)

and that person just so happens to have the same name as my husband.  which is a very common name in this scandinavian area of the frozen north ...

but it so wasn't him.  he was working ... and i guess above and beyond that ... he would never have thrown tomatoes at someone.  he's much more of the debating type. 

but ... irregardless ... he received this letter in the mail. 
and i haven't decided if it's wackier that this person would have sent it to EVERY person with that name in the surrounding area ... or if they only sent it to my husband and thought that they must have gotten the right guy on the first try.

by the way ... i've tried my best to protect your virgin eyes from the vulgar words that were contained within the letter ... you're welcome.

if you can't read it ... this is what it says ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear (name removed to protect the innocent),


You are a PRICK for throwing tomatoes at Sar.ah Pal.in and you are a PUSSY for missing!  What a GirlyMan!


I can just imagine the kind of little sissy liberal you are!


Why don't you come to Texas and try that when she comes here?  I'll bet you don't have the balls!


We don't put up with candy - a$$ - sh!*-heads like you here.  You would be dragged out behind the bookstore and receive the a$$-whipping you deserve.


I'll bet Sar.ah Pal.in is more of a MAN than you are.


You are luck she did not B!*@%-SLAP right there.


Good luck in court for this one you Moron!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

oh my goodness ... do you know how hard it is to type that many grammatical errors and illogical capitalizations?

it's hard.

and ultimately ... i'm not gonna go all political on you ... because really?  is there anything else i can say?

because my husband wasn't home last night ...

sleeping, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

and i'm pretty sure he would have loved to have seen this ...

after a day like yesterday ... in which they tested me. all. day. long.
and i attempted an hour of christmas shopping. with them. in a mall. on a saturday. the week before christmas.

and we are attempting for the second time (the first attempt was destroyed by the h1n1 virus that blew through our family) having them sleep together. because pretty soon baby boy blue is going to be needing the crib. and the nursery-ish room. and cora really is a big girl.

and we haven't bought a bunk bed. because instead last weekend we bought a new water heater and an emergency vet visit.

well ... all those things ... just ... don't seem significant ... when you see them sleeping together. arms intertwined. peaceful as can be.

i'm sorry you missed it honey.

i had an idea ...

autumn 187, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

but it didn't work out like i had hoped ... and i'm a bit uncomfortable showing this!  it's an awful picture ... i know.  but i need some input on what i could do better next time! 

i really wanted a cute picture of the girly girl friends jumping on the "hill" (really ... you don't want to know what it actually is ... but it looks good in a picture, no?)

i had aspirations for the sun behind them and the movement and the excited fun faces.

i took so many pictures. this is probably one of the better ones ... and i'm posting this in the attempt to see if others can help me see what i did wrong ... because they so did not turn out like i had hoped.

Some of the EXIF data!
Camera: Nikon D50
Exposure: 0.02 sec (1/50)
Aperture: f/9.0
Focal Length: 55 mm
Focal Length: 55.0 mm
Exposure Bias: 0 EV
Flash: No Flash
File Size: 1510 kB
File Type: JPEG
MIME Type: image/jpeg

posted at i {heart} faces constructive feedback friday!  yes ... i'm looking for people to be critical ... so go for it!




oh and by the way ... my attempt at an edit ... i found that the change to b/w -ish ... helped minimally ... but seemed to bring out a bit more of what i was looking for!
(edited using picnik)

i {heart} faces ... pets only!

eagle with sunspots, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

a beautiful eagle at our local zoo ... and a splash of sunflarish spots that appeared ... i had to enter this picture ... it was one of those moments where the sun lines up just so ... and makes a decent shot into a better shot.  couldn't replicate it if i tried. 

anyone else think it's funny that i chose to submit a picture of a non-coconutbelly pet?

because really ... living within a zoo of pets and kids should make this i {heart} faces pet challenge easy, right??

right??

except that so often ... i forget to document the pets that make our household so full of ... whatever it makes them full of.

most days ... weeks ... i am much more positive about our life with pets. this week ...after the water heater breaking down and the dog having to be brought in for emergency medical procedures ... within several hours of each other ... and the cat puke ... and the kid puke ... and of course ... a pilot husband ... that is off flying around the east coast ...

i'm not that happy with our zoo of pets.
yes ... they teach responsibility.
yes ... they lay upon my feet at night when i'm freezing cold.
yes ... they are a comfort and can sense when i'm feeling upset by something that many of the people around me can't see.

but ... holy ... $1000 later ... whew.  (and that was just the cost of the dog.) 
happy holidays! 
... we would send out holiday cards ... but the cost of the dog bills ate them.

the $100 yearly fee for the zoo membership makes this a much less expensive "pet" to have around ... although i wouldn't be so keen on letting him warm my feet at night.

check out the other fun and cute and (maybe a bit more) cuddly entries over here!

this post brought to you by ... i {heart} faces ... have i ever mentioned how much i love that blog?

random ... even though it isn't tuesday.

because many many moons ago ... i used to jump in on a random tuesday post thingy that the unmom did.
and then i went back to work.
or maybe that's just the excuse that i'm going to use right now ... but my brain is full of all sorts of random-ish thoughts and i need to get them out of here ... 'cause i really need my bed.

or moreso ... i need to get myself into my bed.  and fall fast asleep.  and get out of this crabby ass mood so that i can be in a betterish mood for the weekend.

i'm really really REALLY hungry for a pineapple.  craving. in fact.  like a juicy gigantic cut-into-it pineapple.  and the canned sort just will not do.  absolutely will not do.  in fact.  i would almost much prefer to hop a plane to hawaii and pick myself a pineapple to sit down and enjoy in the middle of a sandy beach.  except that i rarely have a super-sharp knife and cutting board with myself when i venture to the beach.  but this time would be different.  i would be prepared.

it sucks being married to a pilot.  'cause if he were here ... i could say ... i'm really really REALLY hungry for a pineapple.  and that dear sweet man that occasionally drives me absolutely crazy would probably run to the store and get me one. 
actually ... he would probably say, "do you really really REALLY want a pineapple?  'cause i'll go get it if you REALLY REALLY REALLY want it."
and then i would probably say, "never mind.  it's not that important." as i laid there in bed drooling and crying because i really DID want a pineapple.
and then he wouldn't.
except tomorrow i would come home from work and he would have bought me a pineapple and he probably would have cut it up already so that i didn't have to use the knife and cutting board.
but it won't happen ... 'cause he's not here anyways.

public service announcement ... don't attempt to find christmas dresses in any sort of matching way for your two little girls at this point in time because holy ... there are no options. 

and don't start to mention any idea about possibly going to see santa because your children will drive you crazy.

i'm thinking of taking them monday morning ... because it's my day off.  is that crazy?  stupid?  extremely intelligent?  jeremy said next year we are taking them in november ... because then they can't change their minds 18 times about what they are going to ask santa for ...

so far ... cora has wanted a pink dress ... a pumpkin ... a pumpkin tree ... a purple ring with a purple flower on it ... and a veterinarian set for dogs and cats.  only a few of those options are feasible.

the picture of my shadow in the header makes me laugh every time i see it.  that is totally not my b00b.  it's my elbow.  and the bitty bump off of my tummy ... not. my. belly. button.  it's a wrinkle on my pants.  i have no belly button.  seriously.  it's gone. completely.  cora asks where it is daily.

why is ice only yummy to eat after it has soaked in a beverage for some amount of time?  it's like the ice gets more ... porous.  is that how you spell that?  'cause it looks weird.  seriously.  and it breaks up easier and it is so good to eat.  except ... it's like ... 0 or less degrees outside ... and ice and cold weather are sucky.

stellers asked the other day why we don't live in a place where there is a pattern like ... spring summer spring summer spring summer spring summer spring summer... i don't know the answer.  i hate winter.  (and i secretly love winter all.at.the.same.time.)  it's pretty.  i love to look at the way that the icy snow melts around the christmas lights.  i love the way that the snow balances itself atop the bare branches of the trees ... and occasionally topples to the ground.  i DESPISE driving on snowy icy roads.

i found out the other day that a former student of mine passed away.  i've worked with so many medically fragile kiddos.  i knew this day would come someday.  i just didn't want it to.  the image of her smile has been playing repetitiously in my head for days. 

for your information ... i DAILY write blog posts in my head.  they just rarely get transferred to the computer.  and sometimes i write them in there and then they disappear into the depths ... i blame pregnancy brain ... i need help coming up with another excuse after the baby comes. 
feel free to leave ideas in the comments section.

i'm finally comfortable with our baby name.  it feels right.  i think because the girls have taken to calling him that.  and they are no longer adament that they will be naming him "big burt" or as cora says, "big burp".  thank god.

sometimes ... i can cup my hand around his little baby bot.tom and it fits.  already.  like he was meant to be in my hands.  like he is the final piece of our puzzle.  and i feel solid.  complete.  and ready.  irregardless of the baby nursery being finished and clothes being put into his drawers ...

and other days ... i can't believe that he will ever truly be here.  not in the ... i can't wait to not be pregnant ... this child is NEVER coming ... kind of way.  but in the ... when you've lost a baby before ... you will always have doubts that a pregnancy will complete itself and baby will be the outcome of it ... kind of way.  even with every kick and roll and reminder ... there is always a doubt.

i told my friends at work that i didn't want a baby shower.  there were a few co-workers that truly wanted to give me one.  except i feel that a third baby just doesn't need all. that. stuff.  (this coming from the woman that a few weeks ago wrote a post about how stressed out i am because i don't have all! that! stuff!)  and i'm pretty sure that material dye in a navy color could erase any memory of pink that those pants had when the girls wore them.  except for the ruffle butt.  that might not be so good.

whew.  i think that helped.  off to bed now.  without pineapple. 
which would probably never have been a good thing to take into my bed with me in the first place.  ew.

five and a half ... fashionably late ...

is 32 68 days late considered fashionable??  ...  or just plain forgetful? (especially considering that i started this ... and then didn't finish and then put it off ... and now i'm finally getting around to it.)

last year ... about 31 67 days ago ... i had decided upon starting a blog (aka the record of my children) that on their true birthDAY ... i would celebrate the number of things that i loved about them that corresponded to their new age. 
and on their half birthday ... i would celebrate the fun and amazing things about them that i just plain wanted to remember (without any restrictions on numbers and such).

and last year.  i remembered a day late.  or i posted a day late.  i have no idea.  but let's just say it was relatively on-time.

this year, though, in the midst of life's crazies.  i got a little behind and actually (possibly?) forgot about it for quite some days in there. 

but i'm only admitting that to you, my dear stella ... because honestly ... it's life.  it's what happens when you are living your life rather than just trying to write about it.  things get misplaced and ignored ... not because they are any less important.  but just because living life with you is what i have realized is the most important thing in the world.  not recording it.  but i still want you to know who you were ... today ... so i may be a bit late ... but it's still said with all the love in the world.

and here it is ...
the little things that i most absolutely love about you ... your quirks ... your passions ... your you.
-- you are a 15 year old in the body of a 5 year old ... which must be exhausting and hard and ridiculously frustrating.  so ease up a bit darling.  don't grow up so fast.  (unless of course that means that you will bypass the teenage years of angst.)

-- you struggle daily with how to be big enough ... but not too big.

-- you still love light pink. 

-- you finally got your fairy rock princess flower room, painted the most perfect shade of pink.  a mere two months before we found out you would be sharing that room with your younger sister. 

-- you are intuitive.  and so observant of who and what and where.  you always have been.  i just don't listen to it as much as i should.

-- you occasionally drive me bonkers with your ability to taunt your little sister.  i know that it's part of the growing process.  and i know that it's what little girls do to their younger sisters ... but seriously ... i'm gonna go crazy.  can we just speed right through this little phase and move onto something better?

-- you are a zealous learner.  you sat down in your new kindergarten class ready to learn.  and not everyone else was.  we trucked through, though.  those first few weeks were so frustrating.  you indicated boredom.  a word that i have never heard you use to describe something.  you are much too passionate for the word *bored*.

-- you and your daddy are so strongheaded.  and sometimes ... you bonk your heads together in a match of wills.  neither of you ever win.  but you are both learning to compromise just a bit.

-- you will always be a mama's girl.  but you've realized that daddy's give in on some things (like a small glass of coke at lunch or a bite of candy before breakfast) ... and you are thrilled at the possibility of daddy being more than willing to allow some of the no-way-joses from mom.

-- you asked us if we believe in ghosts the other day.  being the responsible mom i am ... i said i didn't know.  being the honest daddy that he is ... daddy said yes, he does.  unfortunately that means that you have been waking up every night convinced that there are ghosts. 

-- but you still can't say words that end in -sts.  so ghosts ... is ghosteses.  and nests ... is still nesteses.  i've given up on correcting it.

-- you are slowly but surely realizing that you don't always have to have the pink cup and the pink plate and the doll. 

-- and realizing that if you pretend like you really did want the other color/plate/doll ... more often than not your sister will take that one instead and then you can get the one that you really wanted.

-- you can read AND write.  you just don't believe in yourself enough yet.

-- you still write on walls and desks and skin and non-paperish items ... but you always write things like "i love mommy and daddy" or "love" or "you are the best mom ever" or "mom-wow" ... and i struggle with getting upset that i have to clean it and knowing that you wrote something that was unquestionably important to you. 

-- you love having the job of feeding jazzy.  primarily because you want her to love you as much as she loves me. 

-- jet lays with you each and every night as you drift off to sleep.  and he only ever leaves the room when you are finally dreaming.  which is how daddy and i know that you are out for the night.

-- you still love to have your feet rubbed each and every night before bed.  and sometimes in the middle of the night.  and sometimes three times throughout the night.  and it drives me crazy.  but then again ... it ALWAYS takes me back to those first months of us nuzzling together and getting to know each other ... and mostly ... it always opens my eyes to just how ... big ... you have become.

-- you LOVE to wear dresses and skirts.  i've convinced you that it's totally fashionable to wear them with jeans and pants underneath ... but you still prefer tights.  (i'm still not sure how you got so girly.  i surely never was.)

-- you are becoming more and more excited everyday about having a baby in the house.  again.  you love babies.  you always have. 

-- i remarked to you today that you are a social butterfly.  you are always thinking you saw a friend from school ... or someone you know ... clear across town in a flash as we are driving down the street. 

-- you love to watch han.nah montana and i.carly and wiz.ards of wav.erly place.  and i'm just not ready for any of that.  nor are you.  so we have had so many discussions about how what those people are doing in the show ... is not who they are in real life.  that people don't really act like that.  and how those kids are so. much. older. than you ... you have plenty of time to get there.  but i still let you watch it every once in awhile.

-- you are developing this big-girl sense of humor ... and i don't laugh just because you are cute anymore.  i truly laugh because you are funny.  especially your rendition of an old woman that doesn't want to date boppa because she doesn't like kayaking.  that first emerged amid the firelight from our bonfire while camping up north.  it gets me everytime.

-- speaking of boppa.  as a girl that was a daddy's girl ... i cannot express to you how much i love the fact that you love your boppa.  i'm glad that you two have such a special friendship. 

-- tonight.  as i put you in your bed after a thoroughly exhausting day of mama's crazy pregnancy hormones coupled with your trying to be too big attitude ... in which you had too many time outs.  you quietly apologized for all of your not-so-cute behaviors.  and you asked me if i still loved you as big as the universe.  i answered.  of course i do darling.  a mommy's love NEVER ceases.  never.  and then you wanted to know what -ceases- meant. 

and for the record ... that apology and question ... as you were drifting off to sleep?  was the perfect ending to my crazy day. 
proof to myself about why i am a mommy.

almost there ...

too tall tipped bench2, originally uploaded by jenniferlivolson.

another week has gone by ... too few posts ... but another entry over at i {heart} faces ...




which ... funny enough ... doesn't want to see faces this week.
it's all about the ... behinds. seats. pockets. tushies to be exact.

this week is i {heart} tushies.
click on over here to see all the fun entries!

snapped this picture in the midst of attempting to get all of the grandchildren onto a bench at the apple orchard.
a very tilted bench at the apple orchard.
a very tilted (and apparently tall) bench at the apple orchard.

poor coconut.
mama decided to take a picture rather than give her a boost.
i guess that's what happens when mama has a camera in her hand.