random ... even though it isn't tuesday.

because many many moons ago ... i used to jump in on a random tuesday post thingy that the unmom did.
and then i went back to work.
or maybe that's just the excuse that i'm going to use right now ... but my brain is full of all sorts of random-ish thoughts and i need to get them out of here ... 'cause i really need my bed.

or moreso ... i need to get myself into my bed.  and fall fast asleep.  and get out of this crabby ass mood so that i can be in a betterish mood for the weekend.

i'm really really REALLY hungry for a pineapple.  craving. in fact.  like a juicy gigantic cut-into-it pineapple.  and the canned sort just will not do.  absolutely will not do.  in fact.  i would almost much prefer to hop a plane to hawaii and pick myself a pineapple to sit down and enjoy in the middle of a sandy beach.  except that i rarely have a super-sharp knife and cutting board with myself when i venture to the beach.  but this time would be different.  i would be prepared.

it sucks being married to a pilot.  'cause if he were here ... i could say ... i'm really really REALLY hungry for a pineapple.  and that dear sweet man that occasionally drives me absolutely crazy would probably run to the store and get me one. 
actually ... he would probably say, "do you really really REALLY want a pineapple?  'cause i'll go get it if you REALLY REALLY REALLY want it."
and then i would probably say, "never mind.  it's not that important." as i laid there in bed drooling and crying because i really DID want a pineapple.
and then he wouldn't.
except tomorrow i would come home from work and he would have bought me a pineapple and he probably would have cut it up already so that i didn't have to use the knife and cutting board.
but it won't happen ... 'cause he's not here anyways.

public service announcement ... don't attempt to find christmas dresses in any sort of matching way for your two little girls at this point in time because holy ... there are no options. 

and don't start to mention any idea about possibly going to see santa because your children will drive you crazy.

i'm thinking of taking them monday morning ... because it's my day off.  is that crazy?  stupid?  extremely intelligent?  jeremy said next year we are taking them in november ... because then they can't change their minds 18 times about what they are going to ask santa for ...

so far ... cora has wanted a pink dress ... a pumpkin ... a pumpkin tree ... a purple ring with a purple flower on it ... and a veterinarian set for dogs and cats.  only a few of those options are feasible.

the picture of my shadow in the header makes me laugh every time i see it.  that is totally not my b00b.  it's my elbow.  and the bitty bump off of my tummy ... not. my. belly. button.  it's a wrinkle on my pants.  i have no belly button.  seriously.  it's gone. completely.  cora asks where it is daily.

why is ice only yummy to eat after it has soaked in a beverage for some amount of time?  it's like the ice gets more ... porous.  is that how you spell that?  'cause it looks weird.  seriously.  and it breaks up easier and it is so good to eat.  except ... it's like ... 0 or less degrees outside ... and ice and cold weather are sucky.

stellers asked the other day why we don't live in a place where there is a pattern like ... spring summer spring summer spring summer spring summer spring summer... i don't know the answer.  i hate winter.  (and i secretly love winter all.at.the.same.time.)  it's pretty.  i love to look at the way that the icy snow melts around the christmas lights.  i love the way that the snow balances itself atop the bare branches of the trees ... and occasionally topples to the ground.  i DESPISE driving on snowy icy roads.

i found out the other day that a former student of mine passed away.  i've worked with so many medically fragile kiddos.  i knew this day would come someday.  i just didn't want it to.  the image of her smile has been playing repetitiously in my head for days. 

for your information ... i DAILY write blog posts in my head.  they just rarely get transferred to the computer.  and sometimes i write them in there and then they disappear into the depths ... i blame pregnancy brain ... i need help coming up with another excuse after the baby comes. 
feel free to leave ideas in the comments section.

i'm finally comfortable with our baby name.  it feels right.  i think because the girls have taken to calling him that.  and they are no longer adament that they will be naming him "big burt" or as cora says, "big burp".  thank god.

sometimes ... i can cup my hand around his little baby bot.tom and it fits.  already.  like he was meant to be in my hands.  like he is the final piece of our puzzle.  and i feel solid.  complete.  and ready.  irregardless of the baby nursery being finished and clothes being put into his drawers ...

and other days ... i can't believe that he will ever truly be here.  not in the ... i can't wait to not be pregnant ... this child is NEVER coming ... kind of way.  but in the ... when you've lost a baby before ... you will always have doubts that a pregnancy will complete itself and baby will be the outcome of it ... kind of way.  even with every kick and roll and reminder ... there is always a doubt.

i told my friends at work that i didn't want a baby shower.  there were a few co-workers that truly wanted to give me one.  except i feel that a third baby just doesn't need all. that. stuff.  (this coming from the woman that a few weeks ago wrote a post about how stressed out i am because i don't have all! that! stuff!)  and i'm pretty sure that material dye in a navy color could erase any memory of pink that those pants had when the girls wore them.  except for the ruffle butt.  that might not be so good.

whew.  i think that helped.  off to bed now.  without pineapple. 
which would probably never have been a good thing to take into my bed with me in the first place.  ew.