Friday, September 25, 2009

what is that manuever called that swimmers do to turn around in their lane?

i think this baby is destined for swimmer-dom.

it's the most bizarre thing ever.  and i'm not sure that i paid attention to it quite so vividly with my girly-girls.  with stella ... it was new and exciting and fun to watch my belly turn flips as i was drifting off to sleep.  with cora ... she was a stretcher.  little jabs here and there.  only during awake times.  but this baby ... my last baby ... i'm much more aware of the movements within me.  i've felt baby for some time now.  far before any reasonable doc would agree that it was baby movements.  (a simple reason why i love my midwife ... she's always believed me.)

this baby woke me in the middle of the night with those swimmer flips.  making me feel like i was aboard a ship crashing through the waves in the ocean.  and it was so ... amazing ... to sit there in the dark with my hands on my belly ... feeling little motions ... and knowing ... KNOWING ... that at that moment ... everything is ok.

i think anyone that has lost a baby always feels like there is this potential heartache always lurking in the darkness.  you can be so happy and thankful ... and yet ... you are never sure that you will feel completely safe until the baby is held in your arms.  there's no cure for that ...

so i relished in those kicks and jabs and somersaults for a good half hour.  at a time when my body needed sleep.  and i envisioned the late night feedings while rocking in our wooden rocking chair.  i thought about the nursery and what i want to do to get it ready.  i thought about our ultrasound next week and pondered on wanting to know if it's a girl or boy or waiting to be surprised.  i whispered lovelies to this little person.  letting her (or him) know how excited we are to watch our family become complete

as she (or he) settled in ... i closed my eyes and let myself finally fall asleep ... knowing that right now ... everything is just the way that it is meant to be ...

and realizing that the experience of turbulant waters make the calm feel oh-so-much-better ...

8 comments:

Mighty M said...

I love being able to have these sensations!! Have a great weekend!

Pamela said...

flip turn.

Jessica said...

wow. I love that feeling of knowing someONE is growing in there. Also, Hooray for midwives!

Jen said...

Lovely :) brings back lots of memories! Good luck with your ultrasound next week :)

anymommy said...

It's awe inspiring.

Casey said...

Aww, I remember feeling those kicks and trying so hard to commit them to memory so I'd never forget.

Raising Z said...

It is one of the most beautiful (and reassuring) feelings in the world! My little flutters have now turned into full out punches but I still cherish them and will miss them in 4 weeks :)

~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said...

This is an interesting post for me to read, since I've yet to experience pregnancy- though I'm starting to feel the tick-tock of my biological clock. I guess that is what one gets for approaching 32 in a matter of days?