Friday, August 28, 2009

please don't tell her i told you this.

but then again ... i HAVE to remember this ... and she will understand.
someday.

we decided to throw an impromptu bonfire in the backyard a few nights ago. we invited friends and neighbors ... with the promise of s'mores. and quite a few people took us up on the invite. very fun.

there was a rather large group of kids that accompanied their parents ... ranging in age from 5 months to 13 years old. although the 5 month old and the 2 year olds didn't quite participate ... the rest of the kids ran rampant through a group of our connected backyards. there was chasing the boys and teasing the girls. and although it kinda terrifies me ... i realized i need to be ok with it ... she starts school in a week (ohmygod) and this sorta thing happens on the school playground.

at one point i noticed an older girl telling stella that she had made another girl feel bad when she had said that. me ... jumping in ... because i am NOT ok with stella making someone else feel bad ... tried to intervene.

but all parties conveniently forgot what was said.
although they did admit that stella had apologized and was now best friends with the girl again.

knowing stella though ... i could see this was eating her up. she felt horrible. and all i could think was that she must have said something awful. and i was imagining the worst.

so i quizzed her a little.
she was not about to tell me what was said.
no way.
never.

i decided to let the other girl's mom know what was happening. i told her that apparently stella said something to her daughter that made her feel bad. apologies were given. best friends were reacquainted. but ... i also told her to call me ... if feelings were still hurt. and we could get together and talk about it again.

the fire slowly died out.
beers were emptied.
the kids were s'mored out. and tired.

as i was putting stella in her bed. i inquired about what was said. again. i asked her if it was something really bad. and she started to cry. i asked if she had said a bad word? and she said, "it's not a bad word mama."
so i told her that if she tells someone and we talk about it ... that it will make her feel better.
after many ... i-can't-tell-yous. and i-didn't-mean-tos. and i-said-i'm-sorrys.

all of a sudden ... she buries her face in her hands and yells through tears and sobs ...
"BALD. i told her she looked bald."

and i started to giggle. i couldn't help it. i tried to hide my face. i tried to turn away.

i had absolutely thought the worst. at the time that my poor daughter was initiated into the world of being a girl ... wherein friends and enemies overexaggerate the tiniest thing. a single word can change the outcome of an entired telephone conversation. feelings are hurt at the drop of a hat. and friendships are made and broken and made and broken ... on a daily basis.

we discussed it. we did. they had all been teasing one another ... and she told the other girl that she looked bald ... because it was dark out ... and it was hard to see her hair. she wasn't trying to be mean at all.

ah. to be the mama of girls. this is only the beginning ... isn't it?

6 comments:

Sprite's Keeper said...

I'd rather deal with the innocuous problems of youth than the real problems in the world. :-)

Pamela said...

that is too funny.

Mighty M said...

Yes, it IS only the beginning. Just found you on twitter, thought I'd check out your blog - too cute! ;-)

CC said...

Hee hee! Unfortunately, girls get MUCH meaner than that in a just a few short years......

Casey said...

Aww, that's so sad and so sweet at the same time.

blissfully caffeinated said...

Caroline has been in school all of a month and we already have girl drama. But it's similar to your story. We take it seriously, but we also kind of giggle when the kids are out of the room. I worry that my kid will be the teaser and I worry that she will be the teasee. It's an uncomfortable new world we're wading through.

Hope you're feeling good and getting some rest!