Tuesday, October 23, 2012


stella crashed through the door ... a mere steps behind smiley happy cora.

she said when i asked what was wrong.
because duh.  mamas know when something is wrong.  i knew it before she stepped foot upon the entry. 
i opened my arms to her.  she fell into them.
and sobbed.

upon every uptake of breathing she spit out worries and embarrasments.  the bus driver yelling at her over the microphone about eating on the bus.  the girls that want to sit by her in the morning but then avoid her on the afternoon bus ride.  how they tell her to leave them alone.  how they tell her to not bother them.

my rule follower.
who apparently forgot the rule about not eating on the bus ...
though if i'm allowed to say so?  getting home over an hour after school gets out in the afternoon is much too long. poor kiddos.

rules schmules ... is what i muttered into her hair.  i could care less about bus rules.

i shushed her sobbing and wrapped her in my legs on the floor combing my fingers through her fine hair.

we whispered about friendships.  true friendships. 

her daddy called from states away ... and she sent him a photo of her cursive double iis.  she took the phone into the other room to talk to him.  privacy.  quiet.  peaceful. 

i don't always know what she talks about on the phone with her daddy and her best friend anymore.  i guess that's ok. 

i do know that her smiles are harder to find. 
i do know that she loves chocolate (dark. especially.  and that's why i couldn't bear to photoshop the slight smear of chocolate off of her face in the photo above.) 
i do know that she has people to fall into when life gives her trials. 
i do know that she is good at math.  and reading.  and cartwheels. 
i do know that she can successfully find youtube videos to teach herself how to do walking handstands. 
i do know that she is ok.
i do know that things are bound to get harder.
i do know that i will learn and grow as much as she will over the next several years.
i do know that jeremy and finners will most likely want to buy a motorcycle with a sidecar and run away while i deal with all the girly stuff.
i do know that we will all make it.

i just hope that the scars and heartbreaks don't last long.

just write.  installment number (insert crazily high number here).  want to see more?  or add your own??  go here ...

yes.  august and september and most of october slipped through my fingertips.  i tried to write.  but the words were lost.  i'm forcing myself to find them again.


Pamela said...

I think miss o will write miss s a letter tomorrow.
And send some dark chocolate.

Galit Breen said...

Ohmyheart, tears.

Beautifully written, honoring your beautiful girl.

{I'm so, so sorry. Ouch. But I'm so, so glad she has you.}


CC said...

missed you!