i wish i could put the kids to bed ... wake all up again ... and start over.

with a new vacuum sitting on my front porch.

so ... i'm just gonna go and tell you a secret.  on the day that my husband comes home ... i kindasorta frantically try to make sure the house is all picked up. 

today though?

i dropped a new outlet cover that was clear colored ... and it vanished into thin air.  i still can't find it.

i really needed to vacuum for the umpteenth time this week and the vacuum WON'T SUCK ... i held it over a bird feather and it just kinda made it sway.

i need to go grocery shopping so that we can eat.  and yet ... the thought of dragging all three children there kinda makes me want to sit in the corner and cry.

i politely asked the girly-girls to pick up their room ... and OH THE HORROR.  it was akin to pulling teeth.

i not so politely asked the girly girls to pick up their room ... there was a lot of arguing.  notsomuch picking up.

i have yelled more than i care to admit and it's only 11:11am.

i'm not sure that i can handle people asking for things over and over and over and over and over and over even when i just said ... please wait. (i really did say please wait and i didn't yell.  i get 5 points.)

i have 3 photography sessions to edit and attempting to sit at the computer is silly-thought.

even now.

(though i did sit down and write this because i needed to let my fingers do a little bit of fast tippity tapping ... makes the crabbies disappear a little faster when i can get the words out and "talk" to someone.)

i'm calling uncle on thursday 7/28/11.

neither here nor there ... probably number three if you were keeping track.

** things of virtually no importance. irrelevant and most likely unnecessary to the conversation.

though quite possibly knocking at my brain and spilling out of my fingertips.

i've sat at my keyboard for quite some time now ... fingers itching to tippitytap.  and brain swirling with this and a that.

and ... nada.

so i just decided to spill my last few goings on upon you ... mostly in pictures a few words here and there ...

we picked strawberries.

we waited until justabouttheverylastminute to go and pick strawberries at this beautiful farm ... although in all honesty ... someone had told me that they had "just begun to pick" and then 2 days later ... there were virtually no strawberries left.  there was a lot of digging (by me) and a lot of whining (by the girls) ...

but dude. every. single. one. of. these. strawberries. is the MOST DELICIOUS strawberry i have ever eaten.

they are the tiniest sweetest little things.  ever.

 

this farm doesn't spray their fields ... so there are a bajillion of these guys ... the primary reason for all! the! whining!

 

pokey pokey pokies.  which only sting for approximately 2 seconds when you bump against them.  i know. 

 

i also remember long long ago being a little girl and STEPPING on one of those things in bare feet ... because i have really never been one to be fond of shoes ... and ouch.  it felt like a lot more than 2 seconds.

 

also, though?  do you see that pretty little strawberry in there?  i just went to the refrigerator and ate it. 

 

best strawberry ever.

 

we made some friends in the field.

 

a pretty little fuzzy caterpillar (in a really overexposed photo). 

and just so you know how much i care about all of you out there ... it's a saltmarsh caterpillar.  which is actually going to be a moth someday.  and i can no longer finish my breakfast.  because my computer screen was just covered in caterpillars. {shudder}

or this little friend ...

yay!  it's like an i spy game ... grab your kids and play along!

can you spy the girl that i was trying to take a picture of ... before the big sister so rudely stepped in front of her mother as she was taking the perfect photo of her little sister?

can you spot the elmo wearing finners out among the strawberries?? ... no ... because he pretty much hated the entire super fun strawberry picking and preferred for daddy to take him to look at tractors. 

but ... he did enjoy the currants.  have you ever tasted these little white currants?  so. yummy. a little sour.
 
and then we drove around ... kinda getting lost and had lunch in a little cafe on the st croix river.  in the kitchen.  because there were no more chairs that didn't have umbrellas on the porch dining area.  and the food was fine ... but it was SO HOT IN THERE.  that it could possibly be remembered as not-my-favorite-place-to-eat. 
 
and then?  we cursed ever driving that far because finn turned into oscar the grouch on the way home. 
 
but we'll probably go back in a few weeks for blueberry picking.
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we ate crepes.
 

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hmmm.  what else? 
i got a studio space!
 

in a really neat old building on the river in northeast minneapolis.

i'm kind of loving it.

it's the sunlight that gets me ... everytime.
 

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i love lilies.
and they are popping out everywhere.
except for in my front yard area.  where there used to be a billion ... for some crazy reason, this year ... the daisies have completely taken over and just didn't let the lilies up maybe?  i'm not sure ... but i certainly know that i'll be handing away free daisy bulbs in the fall.
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we've been doing a bit of cut and color around these parts ... a little something for a little someone.  or two.  you'll know who you are in the very near future.

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finn was in heaven watching trucks at the parade ... and out the front window this week. 

in heaven.
 
i'm still getting used to this boy trait.
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the rest of us pretty much just keeled over and died from the heat of the parade.  honestly ... at one point a parade walker person threw out a wooden coin for a free cupcake
 
and. it. stuck. to. my. bare. arm.
 
so ... we've been trying to keep cool.

finn's first snowcone! 

which has meant many pool and waterpark trips.  early morning park outings.  lots of icy drinks and hunkering down in the air conditioning for part of the day.
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this guy  at the zoo was attempting a bit of a cool down as well ...
 

 
also at the zoo ... another guy cooling down ...
 

please enlighten me ...
is this a boy thing??
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happy week to all of you out there ... someday soon i'll be back to regular posting ... but i'm just having so much fun over here with these three crazy kids. 
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most of the time anyways. 
sometimes i just drink a lot of coffee.  and pretend like i'm having fun.

i almost wrote three. but it's actually four. wow.

to my cora. 
i keep stuttering the word "four." when people ask me how old you are ...
th... four?  four.
four just doesn't feel right ... it feels grown up and older and ... wiser and almost ready for school-ish.
and i suppose that IS you.
i know it is you.
maybe it's just more that i'm not quite ready for it to be you.

i know i'm exactly one month two months late on telling you all of this ... but ... you get it.  {i know you do} i've never been one to be on time with this sort of thing ... i much prefer playing baby dolls or taking walks or making an excuse to go to the park. 

i think my most favorite thing over the past year has been how lucky i am to get to spend two days per week with you and finners.  and that we really truly get some alone time together while he naps.  we usually do one of the above mentioned things ... but sometimes ... when i'm in the midst of editing baby photographs ... you sit beside me at the kitchen table and color beautiful pictures for me. 

like this one that you did yesterday last month ...

bad phone photo ... late at night ...

you asked me to draw you a cupcake ... and i obliged ... encouraging you to fill it in.
and you did.
to the very edge.
in case you are wondering ... it's a colorful cupcake ("because there are so many beautiful colors, mama.") and a cup of coffee ("because it's your {my} favorite") and the "grass and the sky".

you are sunshine in a cup, little one. 
a hard headed - sweet&sour - scared of any new thing - sunshine in a cup.

you keep us laughing.  we giggle about things that you've said as we lie in bed at night thinking about our day.  your request for "rotton egg sandwiches" (e.g., egg salad).  your quiet in the dark question to me, "so ... how was aerobics??"  the funny little way that you tell us that you want to go out for "boogers at the lesion" (burgers at the legion). 

i think you have a funny little place in our family.  it's SO your place ... but it's funny and awkward at times.  it's the middle space.  it's the in between.  it's the not big and not little.  and you were the perfect little person to fill that spot.

though i struggle daily with the emotion that i've put you into this place in our family that doesn't allow you to have everything that i want to give you.  does that make sense?
i worry that i don't give you enough.  because you don't have the older kid friends and sports and school.  you don't have the baby needs and wants and must-be-watched-at-all-times attitude. 
i fear that i don't know you like i know the other two. 
{it breaks my heart to say that.}
because i haven't ever had you all to myself. 

i just really hope that it won't really matter in the long run.  that your ability to compromise to the whims of others and your stubbornness that shines when something is really REALLY important to you.  (keep that.  seriously.  as much as it drives me crazy in the moment?  keep doing it.  keep holding out for something that you believe in or need.)

and exactly one month two months after you turned four ... here are the four things that i absolutely love the most about you.

1.  your ideas.  and wants.  and needs.  and requests.
just today last month ... we went and watched the "talent" show at stella's school.  (the word "talent" may be stretching it just a wee bit ... though ... they all got up there and did their thing.  and wow.  that's more than i could have ever done. but  still.)  and afterwards ... you were so worrisome about finding stella and when you did ... you decided that you must walk in line with those first graders ... and you did.  you quietly fretted and considered turning back ... but instead you pushed through and you walked with them down the hall ... and you sat in stella's seat and waited for me ...

you want that school thing so badly ... and i'm really trying to make something work for next year dear heart.  i am.  you are beyond ready ...
you also want a new baby doll at ... um.  just about everywhere that we go ... so. not. happening.  but still ... i see the maternal nature in you that feels like you need to save the baby dolls from a life of unhappiness.  you just feel awful leaving them behind.  i remember that feeling.

2.  your memory.

this picture kills me.  this was just after you turned three.  you were such a baby here.  wow.

this year you have dumbfounded us with your ability to remember tidbits of information about nature.  things that you have gained from your years of sitting around listening or reading or watching.  and you pull these amazingly astute facts out of your brain at just the right moment.  and leave people bewildered. 
it all started with the black capped chickadee ... and now it's volcanoes and bears and desert regions.

and because your memory isn't supertyexciting ... i'm just going to go ahead and throw a 2.5 in there ... and tell you that i LOVE your fashion sense.  anything goes.  and you are incredibly specific about what exactly you are putting together.  and how your hair will look.  (5 pigtails.  no.  not boingy enough.  boingier.)

3.  your caring nature.
you became a vegetarian this year.  which isn't surprising ... considering that meat has been your least favorite food of all time.  and that mommy and daddy have both moved through phases of vegetarianism at points in our life ... but you started questioning what animal this or that came from ... and i noticed that you were not eating much ... (though you've always been a bit of a bird in the eating department). 
and then you just came out and said it. 
you were done eating meat.  you didn't want to eat animals.
and then we went to a different pediatrician that freaked all out on us and made you go through tons o' bloodwork to show us that you were deficient in all sorts of areas (and you were ... though you were also terribly sick - hence the visit - and hadn't eaten in many days.)
and she told us to buck up as parents and "sneak" meat into your diet.

and we won't.
we never will.
because you have made this most amazingly wonderful and lovely and passionate and kind choice of why you are not going to eat meat.  and we will never go against your choice.
so ... instead we have talked and encouraged eating healthy and teaching you about what your body needs ... and you are amazing.
you ask about proteins.  and you ask about what would have more.  and which is healthier. 
i really love you for the thought that you have obviously put into this.

4.  your giggle.
you ... at times ... are a little bundle of stress.  nervously you chew your fingernails and toenails (yes.  i did say toenails.)  and we aren't totally sure why (or how). 
and i will admit that your nervousness and stubborness to admitting your nervous can drive us all batty. 
but ... when you giggle?
the sun shines.
even stella, the queen of rigidity and rule following cannot help but smile when you start a giggle. 
and finn?  loves you for that.  stella is like a mama to him.  but you?  you are his playmate.  you are the first person that he looks for in the morning. 

happy (belated) birthday to my sunshine in a cup.
my four year old ... sunshine.
i love you big.  really really big.

love always, mama.

yes, virginia. this is a garage sale.

what i noticed first was that she was little.  petite.  tiny.  and she stepped out of a huge ass car.

she walked with a purpose up the driveway.  beelined her way towards the oodles of shoes that my sister was selling.  and remarked, "that's not MY car."

well ... ok.  i thought.  looks like the crazies are out garage saleing already today.

i contemplated sharing some random bit of information about myself ...
this isn't MY garage!
i like cake!
i'm not wearing any underwear!
just so that she didn't feel all alone in her cuckooishness. 

i didn't.

she grabbed a pair of shoes off of the makeshift shelf that my mama and i created ...
(next week - come on back for the DIY instructions.  you'll need 2 chairs and a piece of wood.)

"how much are these shoes," she questioned.
"um.  2 dollars,"  i replied with a vanna white motion towards the sign on the wall.

"i wouldn't pay 2 dollars," she said ... "that's not MY car."
"those aren't MY shoes," i said.

i told her they were my sister's and that i was fairly positive my sister didn't want to take less considering that i had just opened the garage door.

she walked away from the shoes and browsed the rest of the goods crap that we had for sale. 

"that's not MY car,"  she said AGAIN.

(what the fuck?  i thought in my head.  as i looked at the NOT HER CAR.  with what i can only presume were NOT HER CHILDREN monkeying around on the NOT HER SEATS.)

"it's my brother's car.  he let me borrow it to go shopping.  but then i saw the sign that said garage sale.  and he doesn't know i'm here.  but i guess i'm shopping.  he let's me borrow the car to go shopping.  i don't have a car.  so that's not my car."

i politely acknowledged her driving me the fuck crazy talking, i'm sure. 

"i couldn't afford a blah blah blah kind of car, like that ... that's not MY car.  it's my brother's car.  he lets me borrow it to go shopping.  it's not MY car.  don't go thinking that that is MY car.  'cause it's not.  it's not MY car."

i may have rolled my eyes just a little as she walked back towards the shoes.

"how much did you say these were?"
"two dollars."

"i wouldn't pay two dollars."
"my sister wants to sell them for two dollars."
"i'd only pay 50 cents.  or one dollar tops."
"my sister wants to ask two dollars.  if you want less.  you'll have to talk to her."
"that's not MY car."

"she'll be here later if you want to come back."
"i'm not coming back here ... i can't believe you ever thought i would come back."
"well.  ok."
"that's NOT my car," she noted as she slipped her foot into the shoe.  again.

"what size are these?"
"i'm not really sure ... maybe you could just LOOK?"
"it says seven.  are these a seven?"
"i'm assuming if it says seven ... it IS a seven.  but i'm not really a shoe EXPERT."
"that's NOT. MY. CAR."

"i wouldn't pay two dollars for these.  see," she noted as she pointed to a miniscule scuff on the front toe of the left shoe.
"fine," i said.  "then DON'T pay two dollars.  but that's how much they are." 

i was feeling a bit perturbed at this point. 

she set them down ON THE BOOKSHELF and walked around.  AGAIN.

"remember, that's not my car."

i asked if she was planning on taking the shoes?  as i ushered them back to the SHOE SHELVING UNIT.
(DIY shoe shelf tomorrow.  don't forget.)

"put them back," she yelled, motioning to the BOOKSHELF.
"i AM," i responded, motioning to the SHOE SHELF.

she followed me.  and put them on again.  and asked what size shoe i wore.
i didn't answer her.
she told me she wears a size six.  but these are a size seven.  do i think they look big?
considering her heel was hanging off the back ... i said, "no."
"because if they were a size six," she said ... "i would take them.  for a dollar.  at most."

and that, my friends?
is when she asked me if i HAD THEM IN A SIZE SIX.

um.  no.
this is a GARAGE SALE.

and in case you were wondering?
the shoes are still available.

for two dollars.
and i don't really give a shit what kind of car you drive and if it really is or is not your car.  unless you stole the car.  then i really think you should return it before spending two dollars on a pair of shoes.
the large lady thing in the first picture is also still available.  for free.